On the 24th, we were preparing for my Mum and bro to come down to KL. We then realised a very big problem (actually I've always known about it): I am retarded at directions.
Me (after several fruitless attempts trying to understand directions): I admit I am utterly lacking in the directions department.
Seth: You aren't lacking. Lacking implies some of it actually existing. You don't have it. Nothing. Nil.
Me: Fine! My directions department is non-existant!
After that conversation, this occured:
Seth: Okay, what we'll do is. I drop you off, you hop over to your mum's and you give her directions to the dim sum place.
Me: Stares at him blankly
Seth: *sigh* Okay, you know the highway that we always use to go back to your place? You just follow it...
Me: Stares at him blankly
Seth: I'm going to cry.
Now, whose fault is that? It's like expecting a duck to speak Latin. I mean, you know it's a duck right. It's not the duck's fault!
But with intense directions, I eventually managed to show my Mum the way.
*
My brother is now nurturing an interest in football. He then asked me what team I support.
Not bothering to watch any football for the last four years, and under fear of admitting to be an MU supporter, I instead said I supported whichever team had Ryan Giggs in it.
Ben: He's never even scored a goal.
Me: Yes he has!!! He's the best winger ever (ten years ago)!!
Ben: He's old. He won't be around much longer.
Me: That doesn't matter, he's already been offered to be coach for Wales!
Ben: Wales? Is that even a club?
Me: It's a country.
Ben: He's...Walish?
Me: Welsh!
Ben: Ha ha ha ha...Whalish!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I Want a Pterodactyl for Christmas
On a lighter note.
My boss is so awesome that during the office dinner he announced that there'd be no work on the 23rd.
He gave us a day off, effectively facing me with a four day weekend.
CHRISTMAS!!!!!1111oneone
My boss is so awesome that during the office dinner he announced that there'd be no work on the 23rd.
He gave us a day off, effectively facing me with a four day weekend.
CHRISTMAS!!!!!1111oneone
Revulsion
Recently I have been plagued by a weirdo who keeps showing up in lifts whenever I use them and insists on having conversations with me despite the fact that I am obviously terrified and repulsed by his existence.
Now, I really can't stand people like this because they fall into the category of People Who Are Full of Shit.
People Who Are Full of Shit
1. People who cheat
2. People who lie
3. People who are constantly covering their asses
4. Fanatics
5. People who love Edward Cullen
6. People who talk to people who obviously don't want to talk to them, and purposely incur gross trespass into other people's comfort zone, thus showing how little they respect others.
Hey jackass. If I'm trying not to talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm shy. It means I want you to leave me alone. Just because you're bigger than me and give me nightmares thanks to my own paranoia doesn't mean I have to be nice to you.
Also, stop bumping into me at the lift, you freak! I don't care if you have to walk up 18 floors if you stop using the lift. Your presence makes my skin crawl.
ps. If anything happens to me, look for a massive black dude with a disgusting white growth on the side of his face who says his name is Raymond.
Now, I really can't stand people like this because they fall into the category of People Who Are Full of Shit.
People Who Are Full of Shit
1. People who cheat
2. People who lie
3. People who are constantly covering their asses
4. Fanatics
5. People who love Edward Cullen
6. People who talk to people who obviously don't want to talk to them, and purposely incur gross trespass into other people's comfort zone, thus showing how little they respect others.
Hey jackass. If I'm trying not to talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm shy. It means I want you to leave me alone. Just because you're bigger than me and give me nightmares thanks to my own paranoia doesn't mean I have to be nice to you.
Also, stop bumping into me at the lift, you freak! I don't care if you have to walk up 18 floors if you stop using the lift. Your presence makes my skin crawl.
ps. If anything happens to me, look for a massive black dude with a disgusting white growth on the side of his face who says his name is Raymond.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Be A Shallow Person Day
Yesterday was Be A Pterodactyl Day
As today cannot possibly be as inspired as yesterday, it is a shitty day.
So I will make a bitchy list.
Two, in fact.
The first will be 5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists.
The second will be 5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists, But You Have No Idea Why They Are There.
1. Natalie Portman
2. Natalie Portman
See? Gorgeous riiight?
2. Rachel Bilson
Oh hai! I have a bobble head and am on/off engaged to Anakin Skywalker. I also like to prance around in designer wear despite being jobless and talentless. I guess these gives me a spot on Those Beauty Lists for some obscure reason. Nothing whatsoever to do with actually being beautiful. 
If these lists were a competition for Irish Setters, I would understand why she is on them.
I actually have no problem with her. I just feel that she's on these lists because she made a movie decades ago named 'Pretty Woman' and for some reason everyone started thinking she's pretty.
When she isn't.
5. Jennifer Aniston
When inanimate objects like potato sacks start making the Most Beautiful Lists, you know that our standard of superficial beauty has dropped to an all time low.
Because its gender has so far been indeterminate, I am putting it on this list because I am sick of seeing it on Most Beautiful Lists when it is clearly doing a very lame job of being an attractive human who can sing.
As today cannot possibly be as inspired as yesterday, it is a shitty day.
So I will make a bitchy list.
Two, in fact.
The first will be 5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists.
The second will be 5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists, But You Have No Idea Why They Are There.
5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists
1. Natalie Portman
She's gorgeous, talented and smart. Also, beautiful. Almost perfect-looking, actually.
2. Natalie Portman
See? Gorgeous riiight?3. Natalie Portman
Just to make sure that people take note.
Just to make sure that people take note.4. Emily Blunt
She should have been Black Widow! Not Boob On A Stick over there.
She should have been Black Widow! Not Boob On A Stick over there.5. Megan Fox
Oh please. Yes, she's skanky. Yes, she's slutty. Also possibly brainless. So? She's still pretty right?
Oh please. Yes, she's skanky. Yes, she's slutty. Also possibly brainless. So? She's still pretty right?
5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists But You Have No Idea Why They Are There
1. Katy Perry
The reason why she keeps getting voted into these things is because no one is actually looking at her face.
2. Rachel Bilson
Oh hai! I have a bobble head and am on/off engaged to Anakin Skywalker. I also like to prance around in designer wear despite being jobless and talentless. I guess these gives me a spot on Those Beauty Lists for some obscure reason. Nothing whatsoever to do with actually being beautiful.3. Keira Knightley
I really can't stand Keira Knightley. The feeling I have for her, in fact, is probably close to hate. I cannot watch any movie she's in without mocking her constipated performance after that. I always felt she rode on the wave of 'Natalie Portman Lookalike' without actually having to be as good an actress.
All she does is pout throughout her movies, and act like she's some kind of hot smartass. I hate people like that in real life, and therefore I hate people who act those kind of roles.
All she does is pout throughout her movies, and act like she's some kind of hot smartass. I hate people like that in real life, and therefore I hate people who act those kind of roles.
Especially if it is the only role they act in, therefore not making it a role anymore, but the actor's actual personality aka inability to act.
Basically, whatever. I hate her guts so much I didn't put up a picture and would throw iguana poo at her if I ever had the misfortune of meeting her.
4. Julia Roberts
4. Julia Roberts
If these lists were a competition for Irish Setters, I would understand why she is on them.I actually have no problem with her. I just feel that she's on these lists because she made a movie decades ago named 'Pretty Woman' and for some reason everyone started thinking she's pretty.
When she isn't.
5. Jennifer Aniston
When inanimate objects like potato sacks start making the Most Beautiful Lists, you know that our standard of superficial beauty has dropped to an all time low.Honorable Mention
Justin Bieber
Because its gender has so far been indeterminate, I am putting it on this list because I am sick of seeing it on Most Beautiful Lists when it is clearly doing a very lame job of being an attractive human who can sing.
Disclaimer: I am basing this purely on looks. I don't care that Julia Roberts is very classy or that Katy Perry has a heart of gold or whatever. They're not beautiful. So they should not be on these lists. Also, they are all women. Because I think it's weird to call a guy beautiful.
I didn't even bother listing Sarah Jessica Parker because everyone knows what a joke that is.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Max von Kill
Yesterday Seth got me my first Christmas present. It is a unicorn. Not just any unicorn, but the unicorn I had been begging him to get ever since I laid eyes upon it on our fateful walk through One Utama.
I know I shouldn't talk about it, it being a Christmas present and all, but Unicorn and I are well on the way to solidifying a bond that will last eternities.
I tried to convince Seth to be a part of this bond as well, but he resisted all my attempts.
Me: Unicorns make everything so happy!
Unicorn*: Sethhh! I liiiike yewww Sethhhh. Whyy don't yeww like meee? (paws flirtatiously at Seth)
Me: You've hurt Unicorn's feelings, see. How could you be so cruel? Unicorns are creatures of light and happiness!
Unicorn: Ownerr! I love yewww Owner!!
Seth: You are insane. And give me that unicorn.
Me: Nooooo!
Unicorn: Nooooooo!
Seth: Takes Unicorn away from Owner. *Gasp!*. What will happen to poor Unicorn in the unsympathetic clutches of a non-believer?
Later
Me (whispering): Unicorn! We can no longer speak freely in the presence of the man-thing!
Unicorn: I hattte mans!!!
Me: But I feel like we should both be able to love you!
Super Magical Unicorn Flower Rainbow Starlight Makeover
Unicorn (in macho voice): Helloooo Sethhhh. I am Max von Kill von UniGore!!11oneone. I pwn n00bs. Now that I ammm macho and have l337 skillss, we can be the besttt of friendssssss!
Me: This will be such a successful endeavour!
Seth: Go away.
Unicorn: Nooo!! I amm macho unicorn!! Rejection makesss me sad! I need to eat some faiiiiry dust and tormented children's soulsss to return to my previous state of fantastically epic awesomeness!!
Me: See what you have done?? You have unleashed the hunger of a depressed unicorn upon the world!!!
Seth: Ignoring you.
As you can see, my attempts were unsuccessful. This was merely because Unicorn was a Unicorn and not a Manticore.
Isn't Max von Kill an amazing name for a pet? Here is a little story about that name:
Previous to the Unicorn Story
Me: If we have a dog, we should name it Max von Kill!!!111
Seth: Why?
Me: Because it is the most awesome dog name ever! Anushia my co-worker came up with it!
Seth: No.
Me: Why not?
Seth: I want a Rottweiler named Buttercup.
Although that story is not actually relevant to how the name Max von Kill came about, I thought I'd just put it in there.
*Unicorn was, in fact, voiced by me. Despite it's vast magical powers, it still required a human conduit to put to words the thoughts that it telepathically made known to me. The voice is very similar to that of Charlie's friends in this video.
I know I shouldn't talk about it, it being a Christmas present and all, but Unicorn and I are well on the way to solidifying a bond that will last eternities.
I tried to convince Seth to be a part of this bond as well, but he resisted all my attempts.
Me: Unicorns make everything so happy!
Unicorn*: Sethhh! I liiiike yewww Sethhhh. Whyy don't yeww like meee? (paws flirtatiously at Seth)
Me: You've hurt Unicorn's feelings, see. How could you be so cruel? Unicorns are creatures of light and happiness!
Unicorn: Ownerr! I love yewww Owner!!
Seth: You are insane. And give me that unicorn.
Me: Nooooo!
Unicorn: Nooooooo!
Seth: Takes Unicorn away from Owner. *Gasp!*. What will happen to poor Unicorn in the unsympathetic clutches of a non-believer?
Later
Me (whispering): Unicorn! We can no longer speak freely in the presence of the man-thing!
Unicorn: I hattte mans!!!
Me: But I feel like we should both be able to love you!
Super Magical Unicorn Flower Rainbow Starlight Makeover
Unicorn (in macho voice): Helloooo Sethhhh. I am Max von Kill von UniGore!!11oneone. I pwn n00bs. Now that I ammm macho and have l337 skillss, we can be the besttt of friendssssss!
Me: This will be such a successful endeavour!
Seth: Go away.
Unicorn: Nooo!! I amm macho unicorn!! Rejection makesss me sad! I need to eat some faiiiiry dust and tormented children's soulsss to return to my previous state of fantastically epic awesomeness!!
Me: See what you have done?? You have unleashed the hunger of a depressed unicorn upon the world!!!
Seth: Ignoring you.
As you can see, my attempts were unsuccessful. This was merely because Unicorn was a Unicorn and not a Manticore.
Isn't Max von Kill an amazing name for a pet? Here is a little story about that name:
Previous to the Unicorn Story
Me: If we have a dog, we should name it Max von Kill!!!111
Seth: Why?
Me: Because it is the most awesome dog name ever! Anushia my co-worker came up with it!
Seth: No.
Me: Why not?
Seth: I want a Rottweiler named Buttercup.
Although that story is not actually relevant to how the name Max von Kill came about, I thought I'd just put it in there.
*Unicorn was, in fact, voiced by me. Despite it's vast magical powers, it still required a human conduit to put to words the thoughts that it telepathically made known to me. The voice is very similar to that of Charlie's friends in this video.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
A Good Day (Unless You're Korean)
I just want to complain about stuff
1.
Ralph's last name is Lauren.
Why do people (like security guards and various people who fill up forms for you when you are perfectly capable, after 16 years of education, of filling it up yourself) put my name as Samantha Lauren?
Is my last name Lauren? Would I be here if my last name was Lauren?
No, I'd be in the Hamptons chilling with Andrea Casiraghi and starring in my grandfather's ad campaigns.
What kind of a nitwit puts Lauren as someone's last name when the LAST PART OF MY NAME is clearly JOSEPH??
(I blame my father. For having such a lame last name. Maybe if his surname had been McCrabbypatty this problem would not have arose).
Got crown not enough is it?
Interviewed one of the former Miss Malaysia's. She's going to do her PhD.
She completed her Masters when she was 23.
Do you see how this is complaint worthy?
Can please go and be petty and unintelligent so I can go back to my comfort zone of stereotypes and prejudice against pretty people? Yeah, thanks.
If you've ever wondered what it's like to kiss a snake, you can go ask Elin Woods
What are the people who are the third party in an adulterous affair thinking?
Do they think that person actually loves them?
Do they think that they're anything more than a confidence booster? I mean really. Just speaking from experience here.
(Experience of being daughter and gf to people who couldn't keep it in their pants).
They don't give a shit about you, so quit whining about how they are the only people who understand you and it's true love when people question you about why you can't go out and get a normal relationship.
Also, your friends? If they don't stop you, I assure you that means they also don't give a shit and think you're a loser.
4.
If you got yourself into the situation where you are, shut up and do something about it.
If you're doing something about it, then by all means complain.
Girl bloggers act like they want to be on the cover of this. Wow, wearing lots of makeup and skimpy clothes! What an achievement in life (but who am I to say anything right, I also haven't achieved anything in life. but that's okay, one day I will level up).
Why do girl bloggers think they're hot, when most of them are not?
Is it like girl gamers or something? You aren't fat, you game, therefore you're hot?
What? How does that even make sense?
And you don't even need half a brain to blog (if i can do it, you can do it). Unlike gamers, who at least need some level of n00b destroying skills.
Well. A good day to everyone and their bunnies.
1.
Ralph's last name is Lauren.Why do people (like security guards and various people who fill up forms for you when you are perfectly capable, after 16 years of education, of filling it up yourself) put my name as Samantha Lauren?
Is my last name Lauren? Would I be here if my last name was Lauren?
No, I'd be in the Hamptons chilling with Andrea Casiraghi and starring in my grandfather's ad campaigns.
What kind of a nitwit puts Lauren as someone's last name when the LAST PART OF MY NAME is clearly JOSEPH??
(I blame my father. For having such a lame last name. Maybe if his surname had been McCrabbypatty this problem would not have arose).
2.
Got crown not enough is it?Interviewed one of the former Miss Malaysia's. She's going to do her PhD.
She completed her Masters when she was 23.
Do you see how this is complaint worthy?
Can please go and be petty and unintelligent so I can go back to my comfort zone of stereotypes and prejudice against pretty people? Yeah, thanks.
3.
If you've ever wondered what it's like to kiss a snake, you can go ask Elin WoodsWhat are the people who are the third party in an adulterous affair thinking?
Do they think that person actually loves them?
Do they think that they're anything more than a confidence booster? I mean really. Just speaking from experience here.
(Experience of being daughter and gf to people who couldn't keep it in their pants).
They don't give a shit about you, so quit whining about how they are the only people who understand you and it's true love when people question you about why you can't go out and get a normal relationship.
Also, your friends? If they don't stop you, I assure you that means they also don't give a shit and think you're a loser.
4.
If you got yourself into the situation where you are, shut up and do something about it.
If you're doing something about it, then by all means complain.
5.
Girl bloggers act like they want to be on the cover of this. Wow, wearing lots of makeup and skimpy clothes! What an achievement in life (but who am I to say anything right, I also haven't achieved anything in life. but that's okay, one day I will level up).Why do girl bloggers think they're hot, when most of them are not?
Is it like girl gamers or something? You aren't fat, you game, therefore you're hot?
What? How does that even make sense?
And you don't even need half a brain to blog (if i can do it, you can do it). Unlike gamers, who at least need some level of n00b destroying skills.
Well. A good day to everyone and their bunnies.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Sorry, Vegetarians.
Hi. Today I feel like ruining someone's day.
So here you go, vegetarians (unless you do it for religious purposes, then it doesn't apply to you).
So here you go, vegetarians (unless you do it for religious purposes, then it doesn't apply to you).
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
I Just Wanna Feel, Real Love
I am reading Slap Me Why Don't You, and felt inspired to have my own little rant.
In my line of work, I deal with highly educated people. You know those types - sometimes arrogant, obnoxious, even pretentious. In a way I feel they earned the right to be proud of their achievements. But one thing is that they are very rarely rude. And I don't think that even if you're the President of the United States would you have earned the right to be rude to any human being (or living thing, including bunnies; they have feelings too).
So today I had to call a few highly educated people to confirm with them about an email interview. They were all very pleasant and polite. Then I came to the last lady.
Me: Is this Ms XXX?
Ms XXX: Yes, this is Ms XXX talking.
Me: Hi, I'm Samantha from TTT. We're doing an article on ZZZ and they gave us your number to contact. Do you mind doing an email interview for us?
Ms XXX: Oh, I already gave my details to Ms Etc from ZZZ.
Me: Yes, but we need you to do an interview and answer -
Ms XXX: Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ? Because I already gave my details to her. Can't you ask her?
Me: No, I'm not...Pardon me?
Ms XXX (impatiently): I've already talked to Ms Etc from ZZZ. You know Ms Etc from ZZZ? Can you ask her instead? I gave my details already. Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ?
Me: (what? I already told you who I was and where I was from when YOU PICKED UP THE PHONE. Also, you think what, people can write article just with your phone number and email is it? Can unlock secrets is it with that info?) No, I'm Samantha from TTT. You gave your details, but we need you to do an email interview -
Ms XXX: Interview? How about the others? What did they say?
Me: They've already agreed.
Ms XXX: So when do you want to interview us? I'm very busy you know. I don't know if I'm free.
Me: It's an email interview (as I had previously mentioned a gazillion times). I'll send it to you today, and you can take your time filling it up and send it to me on Friday.
Ms XXX: FRIDAY?? That's too soon. I won't have time to do it.
Me: There's only ten -
Ms XXX: Aiyo, it's too rushed. When is the last time that I can give it to you? Can you go and ask your editor when is the last date? Because I really don't think that is enough time to do an interview.
Me: WTHECK IS WRONG WITH YOU????I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO WRITE YOUR LIFE STORY AND SEND IT TO ME LA WOMAN!!!HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO ANSWER TEN QUESTIONS???YOUR KEYBOARD MADE OF CROCODILES IS IT??YOU DON'T WANT TO ANSWER SOME OF THEM ALSO FINE.
Nolah, what I said was this: I think probably Monday is the latest, as we are going to print next week.
Ms XXX (impatiently): I don't think that is enough time. I can only get back to you next week with the answers. That's a lot to write. You know what, you send me the email and then I'll look at it la. If I feel like it, then I'll answer it.
Me: Sure. That's great. Thanks very much and may warts grow on your grave.
I hung up.
IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT. WAISEHMEN like that also can. If you don't want to means say don't want la. Want to bargain time with me some more. My grandfather's newspaper is it?
After that I asked my editor if we could leave her out because she was such a pain.
In my line of work, I deal with highly educated people. You know those types - sometimes arrogant, obnoxious, even pretentious. In a way I feel they earned the right to be proud of their achievements. But one thing is that they are very rarely rude. And I don't think that even if you're the President of the United States would you have earned the right to be rude to any human being (or living thing, including bunnies; they have feelings too).
So today I had to call a few highly educated people to confirm with them about an email interview. They were all very pleasant and polite. Then I came to the last lady.
Me: Is this Ms XXX?
Ms XXX: Yes, this is Ms XXX talking.
Me: Hi, I'm Samantha from TTT. We're doing an article on ZZZ and they gave us your number to contact. Do you mind doing an email interview for us?
Ms XXX: Oh, I already gave my details to Ms Etc from ZZZ.
Me: Yes, but we need you to do an interview and answer -
Ms XXX: Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ? Because I already gave my details to her. Can't you ask her?
Me: No, I'm not...Pardon me?
Ms XXX (impatiently): I've already talked to Ms Etc from ZZZ. You know Ms Etc from ZZZ? Can you ask her instead? I gave my details already. Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ?
Me: (what? I already told you who I was and where I was from when YOU PICKED UP THE PHONE. Also, you think what, people can write article just with your phone number and email is it? Can unlock secrets is it with that info?) No, I'm Samantha from TTT. You gave your details, but we need you to do an email interview -
Ms XXX: Interview? How about the others? What did they say?
Me: They've already agreed.
Ms XXX: So when do you want to interview us? I'm very busy you know. I don't know if I'm free.
Me: It's an email interview (as I had previously mentioned a gazillion times). I'll send it to you today, and you can take your time filling it up and send it to me on Friday.
Ms XXX: FRIDAY?? That's too soon. I won't have time to do it.
Me: There's only ten -
Ms XXX: Aiyo, it's too rushed. When is the last time that I can give it to you? Can you go and ask your editor when is the last date? Because I really don't think that is enough time to do an interview.
Me: WTHECK IS WRONG WITH YOU????I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO WRITE YOUR LIFE STORY AND SEND IT TO ME LA WOMAN!!!HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO ANSWER TEN QUESTIONS???YOUR KEYBOARD MADE OF CROCODILES IS IT??YOU DON'T WANT TO ANSWER SOME OF THEM ALSO FINE.
Nolah, what I said was this: I think probably Monday is the latest, as we are going to print next week.
Ms XXX (impatiently): I don't think that is enough time. I can only get back to you next week with the answers. That's a lot to write. You know what, you send me the email and then I'll look at it la. If I feel like it, then I'll answer it.
Me: Sure. That's great. Thanks very much and may warts grow on your grave.
I hung up.
IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT. WAISEHMEN like that also can. If you don't want to means say don't want la. Want to bargain time with me some more. My grandfather's newspaper is it?
After that I asked my editor if we could leave her out because she was such a pain.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Frigging Bounders
I used to think of bunnies as the Lame Pets. Pets for people who couldn't deal with the awesomeness of cats and dogs (but mostly cats). It was like the Tofu Pup of Meat Products - a sad excuse for a pet. A not-real pet.
But last Friday, this changed. I had promised myself a pet once my mum and brother moved down from Kuching (had a gag reflex just typing that word). I can't keep a cat here, so I had to turn to smaller, less lovable (or so I thought) alternatives.
I considered Hedgehogs (pokey), Ferrets (expensive), Hamsters (too small), Sugar Gliders (wtf.seriously.wtf kind of a pet is that), and Guinea Pigs. And also rabbits. For awhile hedgies were #1. Sort of like because they were 'cool' pets - uncommon yet cute. But the fact was I wanted a pettable pet.
While checking out hedgehogs at one pet shop, I saw this ginger rabbit in a cage. It was quite big la. But it was really cute! And it was ginger! I have a soft spot for gingers, partly because supposedly ginger hair runs in my family, but the last ginger in the family was an uncle. And then nothing. Also because ginger haired animals are just so cool looking.
GINGER ATTACK!! Bring on the satay sticks.
So after that, I started checking out bunnies. After all, bunnies were a good substitute for cats (or any pet) (or any other hole in your life).
Reasons Why Bunnies Are A Good Pet Choice
#1 They're basically mute
#2 They can't puke
#2 They live in cages
#4 They're incredibly low maintenance
#5 They need you
#6 They're friggin cute
#7 Really really cute
Really, really, really cute
At first I figured I was okay with any type of bunny - I'd know when I saw the bunny I wanted. But practicality prevailed, and we narrowed it down to several smaller types of bunns - Hotot, Netherland, and Lop.
Personally, I think Lops are kind of sad looking, dragging their too-long ears here and there, like a bride who missed her wedding. Hotots and Netherlanders are sweeter looking. By sweeter I mean they're so freaking adorable you want to smoosh them between your hands when you pick them up.
Sadly, Dwarf bunnies cost about 350-450 RM. I wasn't willing to fork out that amount of cash for a bunny (it's not even a cat! plus I'd been adopting all my cats from the SPCA). So, with a heavy heart, I thought oh well, beli je lah bunny mane-mane yang comel.
On my Bunny Quest, I dragged Greg to the petshop at Ikano during lunch, and lo and behold, there were two dwarf bunnies selling for 150 RM each!! (note: many 'dwarf' bunnies sold at petshops aren't true dwarfs - they'll grow bigger than the average dwarf bunny, but smaller than the average average bunny).
In the evening I dragged Seth there and we decided to get both bunnies.
That's right. From zero bunnehs to two in one night.
And I have to say, they are the cutest little things I have ever seen. Ever. Including kittens (hah! but I still love cats).
Haih. So damn cute. How la. No choice...but to eat them both!!!
But last Friday, this changed. I had promised myself a pet once my mum and brother moved down from Kuching (had a gag reflex just typing that word). I can't keep a cat here, so I had to turn to smaller, less lovable (or so I thought) alternatives.
I considered Hedgehogs (pokey), Ferrets (expensive), Hamsters (too small), Sugar Gliders (wtf.seriously.wtf kind of a pet is that), and Guinea Pigs. And also rabbits. For awhile hedgies were #1. Sort of like because they were 'cool' pets - uncommon yet cute. But the fact was I wanted a pettable pet.
While checking out hedgehogs at one pet shop, I saw this ginger rabbit in a cage. It was quite big la. But it was really cute! And it was ginger! I have a soft spot for gingers, partly because supposedly ginger hair runs in my family, but the last ginger in the family was an uncle. And then nothing. Also because ginger haired animals are just so cool looking.
GINGER ATTACK!! Bring on the satay sticks.So after that, I started checking out bunnies. After all, bunnies were a good substitute for cats (or any pet) (or any other hole in your life).
Reasons Why Bunnies Are A Good Pet Choice
#1 They're basically mute
#2 They can't puke
#2 They live in cages
#4 They're incredibly low maintenance
#5 They need you
#6 They're friggin cute
#7 Really really cute
Really, really, really cuteAt first I figured I was okay with any type of bunny - I'd know when I saw the bunny I wanted. But practicality prevailed, and we narrowed it down to several smaller types of bunns - Hotot, Netherland, and Lop.
Personally, I think Lops are kind of sad looking, dragging their too-long ears here and there, like a bride who missed her wedding. Hotots and Netherlanders are sweeter looking. By sweeter I mean they're so freaking adorable you want to smoosh them between your hands when you pick them up.
Sadly, Dwarf bunnies cost about 350-450 RM. I wasn't willing to fork out that amount of cash for a bunny (it's not even a cat! plus I'd been adopting all my cats from the SPCA). So, with a heavy heart, I thought oh well, beli je lah bunny mane-mane yang comel.
On my Bunny Quest, I dragged Greg to the petshop at Ikano during lunch, and lo and behold, there were two dwarf bunnies selling for 150 RM each!! (note: many 'dwarf' bunnies sold at petshops aren't true dwarfs - they'll grow bigger than the average dwarf bunny, but smaller than the average average bunny).
In the evening I dragged Seth there and we decided to get both bunnies.
That's right. From zero bunnehs to two in one night.
And I have to say, they are the cutest little things I have ever seen. Ever. Including kittens (hah! but I still love cats).
Haih. So damn cute. How la. No choice...but to eat them both!!!Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Original People
Since I am a bit free, I want to fill this here empty space with a question that has been bothering me for awhile (about three days).
Why aren't the Orang Asli of Semenanjung given Bumiputera rights, but the Malays and the 'Natives' of Sabah and Sarawak get it?
('Natives' because even people who are 1/32 native like myself can get Bumi status).
Since I can't find any proper definition of what exactly Bumiputera rights are (aside from gross injustice etc etc), here's the Wikipedia link: Wiki Bumi link.
All this while, I had though we were existing in a sort of arena of benevolent negligence when it came to Orang Asli rights. I mean, obviously, since no one gives a flying fuck about them and what's happening in their society.
It's like, Oh yeah. Those poor Orang Asli. Fishing and building rope bridges deedlydeedlydoo thank goodness they can use the bumi quota to get into uni since many of them are too poor to get a proper tertiary education otherwise dumdeedumdeedoo now what shall I have for my overprivileged bumi lunch?
NOT.
I had no idea they were being repressed from their due rights.
And when I say DUE RIGHTS, I mean the rights any idiot would expect them to have, being, you know. Orang Asli. So what, there's only one type of Bumiputera allowed in every 'Part'? Like Sabah and Sarawak get Bumi rights for their natives, but the Malays usurp the Bumi rights of the Orang Asli in Semenanjung? I doubt it. There's hardly enough Orang Asli to constitute a threat.
Because, if you hadn't noticed, they're busy being poor as churchmice. They're even poorer than the AVERAGE churchmice.
And you know what poverty means?
Crappy healthcare.
Crappy education (or none at all at a tertiary level).
Crappy opportunities.
And all this results in there being no one, or at least not enough people out there fighting for their rights, because no one is making other people aware of this.At least the Native Americans got a bunch of casinos and neverending beer. And a mention in a crappy multimillion dollar sparkly vampire franchise.
This would never happen to our Orang Asli because they don't even own this much stuff collectively.
What do our Orang Asli get?
Screwed over.
Fine, don't meddle with your precious constitution. I like having preferential treatment anyway (because I'm cheap).
But why don't you (and by you, I mean our errant government) take a bit of that frigging FIVE BILLION ringgit that you're going to spend on that concrete representation of penis envy, and give it to the Orang Asli? Eh? How about that?
Yeah, I know it'll be a few hundred thousand bucks out of coffee money for you, sorry about that. You'll have to wait for the next bribe load to pay off your childrens tuition at their poshy overseas university. Gimme a break. Sell off one of your BMWs and give the money to the real Bumis so that they can upgrade from a donkey cart to a bicycle.
See this car here?!! It is a symbol of corruption and...other horrible things...and. It's a very nice car isn't it? Very sexy. I forgot what I was saying.
A link:
Center For Orang Asli Concerns
PS. This is not, like, a political post or anything. Like, no way! I'm just a girly little girl, concerned about all those poor hut-living people with no flushing toilets.
Why aren't the Orang Asli of Semenanjung given Bumiputera rights, but the Malays and the 'Natives' of Sabah and Sarawak get it?
('Natives' because even people who are 1/32 native like myself can get Bumi status).
Since I can't find any proper definition of what exactly Bumiputera rights are (aside from gross injustice etc etc), here's the Wikipedia link: Wiki Bumi link.
All this while, I had though we were existing in a sort of arena of benevolent negligence when it came to Orang Asli rights. I mean, obviously, since no one gives a flying fuck about them and what's happening in their society.
It's like, Oh yeah. Those poor Orang Asli. Fishing and building rope bridges deedlydeedlydoo thank goodness they can use the bumi quota to get into uni since many of them are too poor to get a proper tertiary education otherwise dumdeedumdeedoo now what shall I have for my overprivileged bumi lunch?
NOT.
I had no idea they were being repressed from their due rights.
And when I say DUE RIGHTS, I mean the rights any idiot would expect them to have, being, you know. Orang Asli. So what, there's only one type of Bumiputera allowed in every 'Part'? Like Sabah and Sarawak get Bumi rights for their natives, but the Malays usurp the Bumi rights of the Orang Asli in Semenanjung? I doubt it. There's hardly enough Orang Asli to constitute a threat.
Because, if you hadn't noticed, they're busy being poor as churchmice. They're even poorer than the AVERAGE churchmice.
And you know what poverty means?
Crappy healthcare.
Crappy education (or none at all at a tertiary level).
Crappy opportunities.
And all this results in there being no one, or at least not enough people out there fighting for their rights, because no one is making other people aware of this.At least the Native Americans got a bunch of casinos and neverending beer. And a mention in a crappy multimillion dollar sparkly vampire franchise.
This would never happen to our Orang Asli because they don't even own this much stuff collectively.What do our Orang Asli get?
Screwed over.
Fine, don't meddle with your precious constitution. I like having preferential treatment anyway (because I'm cheap).
But why don't you (and by you, I mean our errant government) take a bit of that frigging FIVE BILLION ringgit that you're going to spend on that concrete representation of penis envy, and give it to the Orang Asli? Eh? How about that?
Yeah, I know it'll be a few hundred thousand bucks out of coffee money for you, sorry about that. You'll have to wait for the next bribe load to pay off your childrens tuition at their poshy overseas university. Gimme a break. Sell off one of your BMWs and give the money to the real Bumis so that they can upgrade from a donkey cart to a bicycle.
See this car here?!! It is a symbol of corruption and...other horrible things...and. It's a very nice car isn't it? Very sexy. I forgot what I was saying.A link:
Center For Orang Asli Concerns
PS. This is not, like, a political post or anything. Like, no way! I'm just a girly little girl, concerned about all those poor hut-living people with no flushing toilets.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
True Marvels
I'm sure everyone watched Iron Man 2. The most important part of the movie was, of course, the appearance of Thor's hammer and Captain America's shield.
And Robert Downey Jr.
Therefore, it's no surprise that the Thor movie (with Natalie Portman. Side note: Why is Portman playing that nurse in Thor? I don't even remember her name. GIVE PORTMAN HER OWN SUPERHERO MOVIE. I suggest Domino. Or any other leatherclad character) and the Captain America movie is coming out.
But what's this?A Black Widow movie?
Wait a second. Didn't a lot of people (including myself) have a problem with Booblett Boobhansson playing the Russian spy? Didn't we originally want the lesser known but better talented Emily Blunt to be BW? And didn't every single thing I said about ScarJo's performance come true?
Of course it did. I am psychic.
Then I realised I was being unrealistic (and also kind of lame). In Hollywood, talent is often confused with other things. For example: drug addiction (River Phoenix), trashiness (Megan Fox), douchebaggery (Tom Cruise [except for Minority Report]) and assuming-your-audience-is-stupid (Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler).
In Scarlett's case, it's Boobs.
(I don't think I actually needed to type that out. But I had to make sure that the connection between Scarlett and her Boobs is clear).
Ah. I am so glad to have gotten that off my chest
*
*
*
*booooom tish!*
When they are so many more deserving Marvel characters than a minor Avengers heroine (anti-heroine? former villain? villoine?), I can only put forward the above explanation as to why this movie is even being made. It just so happens that Scarlett is playing her.
She could have been any character, and it would not have made a difference. Despite portraying the least personality amongst all of the cast, she still gets her movie. But I think humanity has made it pretty clear - who needs personality when you can have Boobs! And Boobs in PVC too!
This is how I imagine the discussion of her movie went down.
In that case, I would suggest my favourite Avenger, Scarlet Witch, to be portrayed by Christina Hendricks to ensure that she gets her own movie.
And Robert Downey Jr.
Therefore, it's no surprise that the Thor movie (with Natalie Portman. Side note: Why is Portman playing that nurse in Thor? I don't even remember her name. GIVE PORTMAN HER OWN SUPERHERO MOVIE. I suggest Domino. Or any other leatherclad character) and the Captain America movie is coming out.
But what's this?A Black Widow movie?
Wait a second. Didn't a lot of people (including myself) have a problem with Booblett Boobhansson playing the Russian spy? Didn't we originally want the lesser known but better talented Emily Blunt to be BW? And didn't every single thing I said about ScarJo's performance come true?
Of course it did. I am psychic.
Then I realised I was being unrealistic (and also kind of lame). In Hollywood, talent is often confused with other things. For example: drug addiction (River Phoenix), trashiness (Megan Fox), douchebaggery (Tom Cruise [except for Minority Report]) and assuming-your-audience-is-stupid (Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler).
In Scarlett's case, it's Boobs.
(I don't think I actually needed to type that out. But I had to make sure that the connection between Scarlett and her Boobs is clear).
Ah. I am so glad to have gotten that off my chest
*
*
*
*booooom tish!*
When they are so many more deserving Marvel characters than a minor Avengers heroine (anti-heroine? former villain? villoine?), I can only put forward the above explanation as to why this movie is even being made. It just so happens that Scarlett is playing her.
Yeah, we're really impressed with your boobs.
I meant martial arts skills.
I meant martial arts skills.
She could have been any character, and it would not have made a difference. Despite portraying the least personality amongst all of the cast, she still gets her movie. But I think humanity has made it pretty clear - who needs personality when you can have Boobs! And Boobs in PVC too!
This is how I imagine the discussion of her movie went down.
Yes.
In that case, I would suggest my favourite Avenger, Scarlet Witch, to be portrayed by Christina Hendricks to ensure that she gets her own movie.
And sequels. Possibly we can even squeeze a tv series in there.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sukiyaki Study
Have you ever read a food blog? You know, the kind where they go and eat at wherever and then they talk about the food. Sedap ke tak. Servis baik ke tak. Got a lot of cute people or not. They write it down in their blogs to a bunch of drooling followers.
I kinda like to read food blogs la. But after awhile of reading, I realised dat dey all end up sounding sumting lyk dis ;). Srsly. Hw do u expect me 2 finis reding entry lik tat?
Then I, dengan megahnye, said, Ekeleh. I can write a better food blog than that! I am, after all, Captain Obvious and Grammar Nazi all in one delectable package! I can do no wrong with the written word!
(This is where the god of words spit on me, I think).
So I pergilah makan dekat this one Jap restaurant in Tropicana City Mall, with the aim of writing - sorry, not writing, blogging - about it. That and also I was craving meat. MEAT, THOU ART THE FRUIT OF LIFE!! Delicious and tender, sweet and comforting. Thou hath no rival in the world of fruit and vegetables!!Especially not tofu.
Why go to a Jap restaurant for meat? Why, have you not had their thinly sliced beef, grilled on that...stone thing. Or chunks of it, grilled? Or dipped, for only a few moments into boiling soup??No?? Great. Then now you have me drooling for no reason goddamnit.
Went there la (forgot the name of the place). Across from Artista, which is this awesome place for music and drinks. We ordered salmon sashimi and erm, some tuna chunks with this weird bean thing that smelled like a petrol nozzle threw up, and then a spider shat on it, because it had these funny fermented tendrils that stuck on your spoon when you tried to scoop it.
Mysterious bean thing.
Delicious slices of salmon. Wonder why cooked salmon never tastes as good.
That bean thing was like the height of our adventurousness la. So for the main meal he ordered soupy udon noodles (unless it was the other one), and I ordered Sukiyaki.
The main dish. Wink wink.
The whole time I ate, this was going through my head:
Ah, that Sukiyaki. Such a tease. My own Sukiyaki was delicious. And now I malas nak cakap dah about my dinner.
The most important part of my Sukiyaki. MEAT!
Anyway. I realised not everyone can be a food blogger la. You have to be pretty rajin, I think, to write about all the places you eat. I went to that Jap place about a month ago, and baru sekarang I terasa wanna write about it. Tsktsk. Also, you just have to like food. I like food, I do. Really. But I don't like it enough to feel inspired to write about it and describe in an appetising and scrumptious manner.
So I may be aware of proper grammar and sentence structure, but that doesn't make me a food blogger. It just makes me kind of a prick about other people's grammar.
I learned a valuable lesson because of this: I am not the god of words, despite whatever delusion I was labouring under. It's a setback for my plans of eventual world domination, but nevermind. I have a scientist friend who will no doubt succeed in her plans to take over the world and I can leech off her in the future.
I kinda like to read food blogs la. But after awhile of reading, I realised dat dey all end up sounding sumting lyk dis ;). Srsly. Hw do u expect me 2 finis reding entry lik tat?
Then I, dengan megahnye, said, Ekeleh. I can write a better food blog than that! I am, after all, Captain Obvious and Grammar Nazi all in one delectable package! I can do no wrong with the written word!
(This is where the god of words spit on me, I think).
So I pergilah makan dekat this one Jap restaurant in Tropicana City Mall, with the aim of writing - sorry, not writing, blogging - about it. That and also I was craving meat. MEAT, THOU ART THE FRUIT OF LIFE!! Delicious and tender, sweet and comforting. Thou hath no rival in the world of fruit and vegetables!!Especially not tofu.
Why go to a Jap restaurant for meat? Why, have you not had their thinly sliced beef, grilled on that...stone thing. Or chunks of it, grilled? Or dipped, for only a few moments into boiling soup??No?? Great. Then now you have me drooling for no reason goddamnit.
Went there la (forgot the name of the place). Across from Artista, which is this awesome place for music and drinks. We ordered salmon sashimi and erm, some tuna chunks with this weird bean thing that smelled like a petrol nozzle threw up, and then a spider shat on it, because it had these funny fermented tendrils that stuck on your spoon when you tried to scoop it.
Mysterious bean thing.
Delicious slices of salmon. Wonder why cooked salmon never tastes as good.That bean thing was like the height of our adventurousness la. So for the main meal he ordered soupy udon noodles (unless it was the other one), and I ordered Sukiyaki.
The main dish. Wink wink.The whole time I ate, this was going through my head:
Ah, that Sukiyaki. Such a tease. My own Sukiyaki was delicious. And now I malas nak cakap dah about my dinner.
The most important part of my Sukiyaki. MEAT!Anyway. I realised not everyone can be a food blogger la. You have to be pretty rajin, I think, to write about all the places you eat. I went to that Jap place about a month ago, and baru sekarang I terasa wanna write about it. Tsktsk. Also, you just have to like food. I like food, I do. Really. But I don't like it enough to feel inspired to write about it and describe in an appetising and scrumptious manner.
So I may be aware of proper grammar and sentence structure, but that doesn't make me a food blogger. It just makes me kind of a prick about other people's grammar.
I learned a valuable lesson because of this: I am not the god of words, despite whatever delusion I was labouring under. It's a setback for my plans of eventual world domination, but nevermind. I have a scientist friend who will no doubt succeed in her plans to take over the world and I can leech off her in the future.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Freeform Independence
The other day I went and volunteered at a soup kitchen.
I know, I know what you're thinking. Sam? Really? The one who stops at nearly every (nearly because Iylia stops at every) mirror to check her hair? Who won't go out with the wrong shoes or unmatching underwear (I actually do that quite often thanks)? Feeding the homeless?
Yes. Yes I was.
I followed PERTIWI Soup Kitchen (intro-ed by this blog) on Monday night. This is what I expected:
Me: Yes! Exactly like that!!
Seth: (Rolls eyes)
It was nothing like that. It resembled that description the way Stephenie Meyer's writing resembled Jane Austen's: basic premise is similar, but execution is completely unrecognisable.
Yes, they were homeless. And yes, they were poor. Kot. I guess. I mean, they took the free food (which came in tidy little brown baggies), so I assume they needed it. Although there was this one tourist from Pakistan or something who took a free drink before realising it was for homeless people. Technically, tourists are homeless. Except they have money. And a place to stay back in their hometown.
So these homeless people, they look like completely normal people. No beards or braids down to their knees. They obviously had baths and haircuts, and clothes that were, on the most part, clean. If they weren't lining up for the food, I wouldn't have thought they were homeless. It was not as depressing as I thought it would be, to be honest. The lady in charge, Baidah, told us that some people just choose this way of life. Some of them can't change, or don't want to. Some just never have the opportunity to escape from it once they're in it.
I can't really say what they're doing is wrong, or that their life sucks. I can't say I pity them as much as I would, say, a poverty-stricken rape victim or an old man with alzheimers. Those people have no control over what has happened to them, and not much after that either. But these homeless, to a certain extent (excluding the obviously insane and mentally or physically or age handicapped ones), do have control over their future and themselves.
But what control do any of us really have over our life anyway? No point really thinking too much about it. Just do your good deeds and hope that God is keeping score (do I get an A for effort God? Huh? Do I? Do I?). I did it out of the kindness of my heart (honest!), despite what my friends say (what my friends said:
I know, I know what you're thinking. Sam? Really? The one who stops at nearly every (nearly because Iylia stops at every) mirror to check her hair? Who won't go out with the wrong shoes or unmatching underwear (I actually do that quite often thanks)? Feeding the homeless?
Yes. Yes I was.
I followed PERTIWI Soup Kitchen (intro-ed by this blog) on Monday night. This is what I expected:
Masses of smelly people drooling at the sight of food. Unable to control their hunger and lack of hygiene, they push and shove and fight over the bowls of soup. Raving lunatics and druggies share the same breathing space, dependant on charity for food. Sad, wasted, demented people..Seth: You mean you expected prostitutes waving AIDS-filled syringes in the air to come trampling after you?
Me: Yes! Exactly like that!!
Seth: (Rolls eyes)
It was nothing like that. It resembled that description the way Stephenie Meyer's writing resembled Jane Austen's: basic premise is similar, but execution is completely unrecognisable.
Yes, they were homeless. And yes, they were poor. Kot. I guess. I mean, they took the free food (which came in tidy little brown baggies), so I assume they needed it. Although there was this one tourist from Pakistan or something who took a free drink before realising it was for homeless people. Technically, tourists are homeless. Except they have money. And a place to stay back in their hometown.
So these homeless people, they look like completely normal people. No beards or braids down to their knees. They obviously had baths and haircuts, and clothes that were, on the most part, clean. If they weren't lining up for the food, I wouldn't have thought they were homeless. It was not as depressing as I thought it would be, to be honest. The lady in charge, Baidah, told us that some people just choose this way of life. Some of them can't change, or don't want to. Some just never have the opportunity to escape from it once they're in it.
I can't really say what they're doing is wrong, or that their life sucks. I can't say I pity them as much as I would, say, a poverty-stricken rape victim or an old man with alzheimers. Those people have no control over what has happened to them, and not much after that either. But these homeless, to a certain extent (excluding the obviously insane and mentally or physically or age handicapped ones), do have control over their future and themselves.
But what control do any of us really have over our life anyway? No point really thinking too much about it. Just do your good deeds and hope that God is keeping score (do I get an A for effort God? Huh? Do I? Do I?). I did it out of the kindness of my heart (honest!), despite what my friends say (what my friends said:
HRHing: except thatLies, O Heavenly Father. Utter lies. They should know by now that's what I think about everyone).
HRHing: i bet in that moment when you were helping
HRHing: your head was screaming "Don't TOUCH ME! PLEASE DON'T ROB ME!"
Monday, August 30, 2010
Tell Me It Ain't Cute
Dear Mr Fillion,
I think you're pretty awesome (in a non-fangirl way).
When you were in Buffy as the Brother who poked Xander's eye out, I remembered your creepy but righteous performance.
In Firefly, you were supercool as Captain Mal (just a side note, as I was re-watching several episodes the other day: What happened to Sean Maher? Because he is really a very really good looking man. Really. It seems a waste for such a handsome actor to fall of the face of acting. Maybe you could say hi to him for me? Maybe if you passed me his number, I could do it myself, you wouldn't have to trouble yourself...Anyway. I was just curious).
When Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog came out, I was ecstatic to find you in it - together with the amazing Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day (Felicia Day is awesome and funny!), despite the fact that you played a douchebag superhero (which you did very well!).
And then the Serenity movie - if you could say hi to Summer Glau as well? I would be indebted....
Anywhoo. You were in Desperate Housewives after that (WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU???EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW), but I forgive you (because of all of the above).
[This walk down memory lane is really just so I can talk about Castle Season 1 and 2 la. Most of you guys (I count 2 of you, including myself) don't know who awesome Mr Fillion is. So I must clarify how awesome he is.]
I've just finished watching Castle. Both seasons. And I have to say I am so relieved to have had something to watch that wasn't chock full of ridiculous CSI melodrama, and didn't take itself too seriously. THE RELIEF. was palpable. Just a good sit-down, laidback murder mystery series. With two adorable leads. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Like a breath of fresh air. Like cold water after walking up a flight of stairs. Like, well, like stuff that is nice, refreshing and wholesome.
I was going to watch Fringe, but then I asked myself - What happens when you watch stuff like Fringe? You get sucked into it. You start thinking about (spoiler) alternate dimensions and (spoiler) time-rifts and (spoiler) cows. And then what? And then you get depressed and obsessed with the possibility of alternate dimensions and how one is brought into existence every time we are faced with choices - the choices we don't take create alternate realities to be played out in....you see what happens? Nerdout happens. Existential angst happens.
I don't need all that, man. What I need is a pet hedgehog. But if I can't have that, watching Castle is just as nice and heartwarming. Also, has lots of redheads, which I have a soft spot for.
So Mr Fillion, thanks for being so awesome, and could you please hurry up with the third season?
Thanks.
Yours Truly,
Sam.
I dare you to say this ain't cute (remember, everytime you say it, something cute dies).
I think you're pretty awesome (in a non-fangirl way).
When you were in Buffy as the Brother who poked Xander's eye out, I remembered your creepy but righteous performance.
In Firefly, you were supercool as Captain Mal (just a side note, as I was re-watching several episodes the other day: What happened to Sean Maher? Because he is really a very really good looking man. Really. It seems a waste for such a handsome actor to fall of the face of acting. Maybe you could say hi to him for me? Maybe if you passed me his number, I could do it myself, you wouldn't have to trouble yourself...Anyway. I was just curious).
When Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog came out, I was ecstatic to find you in it - together with the amazing Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day (Felicia Day is awesome and funny!), despite the fact that you played a douchebag superhero (which you did very well!).
And then the Serenity movie - if you could say hi to Summer Glau as well? I would be indebted....
Anywhoo. You were in Desperate Housewives after that (WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU???EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW), but I forgive you (because of all of the above).
[This walk down memory lane is really just so I can talk about Castle Season 1 and 2 la. Most of you guys (I count 2 of you, including myself) don't know who awesome Mr Fillion is. So I must clarify how awesome he is.]
I've just finished watching Castle. Both seasons. And I have to say I am so relieved to have had something to watch that wasn't chock full of ridiculous CSI melodrama, and didn't take itself too seriously. THE RELIEF. was palpable. Just a good sit-down, laidback murder mystery series. With two adorable leads. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Like a breath of fresh air. Like cold water after walking up a flight of stairs. Like, well, like stuff that is nice, refreshing and wholesome.
I was going to watch Fringe, but then I asked myself - What happens when you watch stuff like Fringe? You get sucked into it. You start thinking about (spoiler) alternate dimensions and (spoiler) time-rifts and (spoiler) cows. And then what? And then you get depressed and obsessed with the possibility of alternate dimensions and how one is brought into existence every time we are faced with choices - the choices we don't take create alternate realities to be played out in....you see what happens? Nerdout happens. Existential angst happens.
I don't need all that, man. What I need is a pet hedgehog. But if I can't have that, watching Castle is just as nice and heartwarming. Also, has lots of redheads, which I have a soft spot for.
So Mr Fillion, thanks for being so awesome, and could you please hurry up with the third season?
Thanks.
Yours Truly,
Sam.
I dare you to say this ain't cute (remember, everytime you say it, something cute dies).The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Nymph
The other day Greg and I stumbled upon the God of Bisexuality.
Greg and I: Whatup
God of Bisexuality: Greetings, my children!
Greg and I: Wha...???
(Question: Why do gods insist on calling everyone their children? You did not give birth to me!)
Nah, not really. This is his real story:
Hermaphroditus
The son of Hermes (like the scarf) and Aphrodite (she got around eh), Hermaphroditus was the god of bisexuality. He was minding his own business and bathing in a pool, when some psycho nymph who had been stalking him leapt into the pool and merged with him. And by merged, I do not mean have sex. I mean she physically melded into him, so that they became 'two bodies, one form'. Apparently her stalker-like devotion appealed to the generally insane greek gods (what did I tell you about holy STD?), and when she asked to 'never be parted' from him, they agreed.
This is how I see it going down:
Nymph: OOO holy gods and goddesses I hereby sacrifice this here poor virgin goat in your name please let me get sucked into Hermaphroditus and stick to him forever, like a useless excess bit but with sexual organs, much like the male anglerfish to the female! OOOO I beg thee holy gods and goddesses!!!!
*Kills goat*
Aphrodite: Yes, my child.
Nymph: Oh Holy Aphrodite! Allow me to bodymeld with your child and completely lose all sentience so that my vagina can be with him forever!
Aphrodite: My child?
Nymph: The one you had with Hermes.
Aphrodite: I had a child with...Oh. Hahaha. Well, who keeps track of these things? Heeheehee. Sure, do what you like, my dear. But give me a heads up if he's cute! Huhuhuhu.
Nymph: Thank you O Great Goddess!
A lot of people think having gods as parents would be cool, but it's actually not. As you can see from this unfortunate scenario:
Hermaphroditus, bathing harmlessly in a pool, thinking of all the dates he has lined up. Suddenly some random nymph jumps in and starts squirming against him.
Nymph: Oh, H, We will be together forever! Heeheehee.
H: Eh. Hey. Oi, wot chu think you're doing eh? I'm a bloody God, see. And you laugh like me mum. Get the Hades away from me.
She starts being absorbed into him.
H: Heyyy. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Wot's this? What...ARGH. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Yeah. You know what happens next.
Heeheehee.
Yeah, well. We always kind of knew that, even if you didn't, Barbie.
Greg and I: Whatup
God of Bisexuality: Greetings, my children!
Greg and I: Wha...???
(Question: Why do gods insist on calling everyone their children? You did not give birth to me!)
Nah, not really. This is his real story:
Hermaphroditus
The son of Hermes (like the scarf) and Aphrodite (she got around eh), Hermaphroditus was the god of bisexuality. He was minding his own business and bathing in a pool, when some psycho nymph who had been stalking him leapt into the pool and merged with him. And by merged, I do not mean have sex. I mean she physically melded into him, so that they became 'two bodies, one form'. Apparently her stalker-like devotion appealed to the generally insane greek gods (what did I tell you about holy STD?), and when she asked to 'never be parted' from him, they agreed.
This is how I see it going down:
Nymph: OOO holy gods and goddesses I hereby sacrifice this here poor virgin goat in your name please let me get sucked into Hermaphroditus and stick to him forever, like a useless excess bit but with sexual organs, much like the male anglerfish to the female! OOOO I beg thee holy gods and goddesses!!!!
*Kills goat*
Aphrodite: Yes, my child.
Nymph: Oh Holy Aphrodite! Allow me to bodymeld with your child and completely lose all sentience so that my vagina can be with him forever!
Aphrodite: My child?
Nymph: The one you had with Hermes.
Aphrodite: I had a child with...Oh. Hahaha. Well, who keeps track of these things? Heeheehee. Sure, do what you like, my dear. But give me a heads up if he's cute! Huhuhuhu.
Nymph: Thank you O Great Goddess!
A lot of people think having gods as parents would be cool, but it's actually not. As you can see from this unfortunate scenario:
Hermaphroditus, bathing harmlessly in a pool, thinking of all the dates he has lined up. Suddenly some random nymph jumps in and starts squirming against him.
Nymph: Oh, H, We will be together forever! Heeheehee.
H: Eh. Hey. Oi, wot chu think you're doing eh? I'm a bloody God, see. And you laugh like me mum. Get the Hades away from me.
She starts being absorbed into him.
H: Heyyy. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Wot's this? What...ARGH. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Yeah. You know what happens next.
Heeheehee.
Yeah, well. We always kind of knew that, even if you didn't, Barbie.Sunday, August 22, 2010
Dancing Slippers
Me: Hello everyone.
Everyone (in cheerful voices): Hello...Samantha.
Me: I-I'm here because I...have a confession to make.
Everyone (sympathetic gasps): OooooOh.
Me: I-I'm an...ADDICT!
Everyone (understanding gasps): AaaaaAh.
Me: I AM ADDICTED TO INTERNET SHOPPING!
Everyone (interested sounds): HemmmM.
Me: I AM ADDICTED TO BROWSING ONLINE BOUTIQUES! Everything looks so adorable! You won't find such dresses on hangers in clothestores! Not the cute vintage ones that I like! Nor the flowery tops or printed skirts! None! ONLY ON THE INTERNET!
Everyone (slightly shocked): WhoooaaAh.
Me: And the shoes! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHOES! And the bikinis!! I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I MISSED THE LAST VS BIKINI AT A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS PRICE BECAUSE OF - ARGHHHHHH! (keels over in frustration and hyperventilation)
Everyone: Erm.
Random person (prods me with a stick): Oi.
Me (in between deep breaths): If anything happens to me, here are the blogshops YOU MUST GO TO!!!!!!!:
http://arrogantminnie.blogspot.com/
http://whitesoot.blogspot.com/
http://blissfully-beautiful.blogspot.com/
http://www.peepboutique.com/
http://diaryofane-shopaholic.blogspot.com/
http://clothesbucket.blogspot.com/
http://shopaholicsu.blogspot.com/
ps. I did actually start writing about Castle and Nathan Fillion and other awesome things, but I saw a pair of red shoes at arrogantminnie and aarrghhhhhh.
Everyone (in cheerful voices): Hello...Samantha.
Me: I-I'm here because I...have a confession to make.
Everyone (sympathetic gasps): OooooOh.
Me: I-I'm an...ADDICT!
Everyone (understanding gasps): AaaaaAh.
Me: I AM ADDICTED TO INTERNET SHOPPING!
Everyone (interested sounds): HemmmM.
Me: I AM ADDICTED TO BROWSING ONLINE BOUTIQUES! Everything looks so adorable! You won't find such dresses on hangers in clothestores! Not the cute vintage ones that I like! Nor the flowery tops or printed skirts! None! ONLY ON THE INTERNET!
Everyone (slightly shocked): WhoooaaAh.
Me: And the shoes! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHOES! And the bikinis!! I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I MISSED THE LAST VS BIKINI AT A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS PRICE BECAUSE OF - ARGHHHHHH! (keels over in frustration and hyperventilation)
Everyone: Erm.
Random person (prods me with a stick): Oi.
Me (in between deep breaths): If anything happens to me, here are the blogshops YOU MUST GO TO!!!!!!!:
http://arrogantminnie.blogspot.com/
http://whitesoot.blogspot.com/
http://blissfully-beautiful.blogspot.com/
http://www.peepboutique.com/
http://diaryofane-shopaholic.blogspot.com/
http://clothesbucket.blogspot.com/
http://shopaholicsu.blogspot.com/
ps. I did actually start writing about Castle and Nathan Fillion and other awesome things, but I saw a pair of red shoes at arrogantminnie and aarrghhhhhh.
Monday, August 16, 2010
The Castle Walls
When I was younger, I mean younger than I am now because I know I'm not that bloody old, I used to fall in love with characters in books. No kidding. That's how isolated I was. Sherlock Holmes, Walter Blythe, Adam Dalgliesh, Rupert of Hentzau. I knew in my heart one day there would be someone like that out there for me - wickedly intelligent, dreamy, poetic, strong, maybe slightly mad. Someone with whom I could discuss Hardy, or crazy theories of evolution, or our favourite X-Men while cuddling on the couch. Someone who would be so amazed by me, and me by him. Who makes me strong, and whom I can believe in. An equal.
I have yet to meet this equal, of course. Probably because he doesn't exist. I have yet to date a man who doesn't put physical beauty first, either. And I have yet to come out of a relationship like that without feeling degraded and second rate. They court me because I am pretty, but when we are finally together, there is always someone prettier, someone better or smarter. Always someone to be compared with. Maybe I am unlucky, or maybe all men are like that.
So I spend my relationship afraid that I will never be good enough. Afraid that they're just here because they're waiting for someone else. I ask my friends, Am I right to be afraid? Are these insecurities founded? Am I being too much like Angelina Jolie? I ask so many questions, hoping in some way that my friends can fix my problem. And they say the things friends say, Don’t be silly. You’re being ridiculous. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Really? I haven’t met this person yet. Or maybe I did, but I felt he wasn’t good enough for me.
And I hate feeling this way. I hate being the kind of girl who doesn't feel good enough, or pretty enough or smart enough. The one who's always wondering if he's off somewhere else with someone else, or holding me and wishing I was someone else. Every little thing bothers me, stays with me, and in my mind I pick at it like a scab, never letting it heal. It's pathetic, and I know I am so much better than that. And it is so frustrating because there’s this huge dissonance between what you think of yourself and what you think your partner thinks of you. And it’s disgusting, because as shallow as I like to pretend I am, I have never put physical beauty as number one, or two, or even seven on my list of criteria. And here I am trying to cater to someone else’s sense of ideal. Hypocrite.
When I was single, I was never like this. I never had to wonder if I was 'enough' for anyone, I felt happy, and satisfied. I was enough for me. I felt like every little thing I did was a small achievement for myself. Now I feel like I'm holding up a candle to a roaring fire. Occasionally, I feel like a fool.
But the point is, I guess (not sure I have a point), is not the relationships, but my own insecurities. I have to fix them, or I will never be happy; as long as I have them everything becomes magnified, everything becomes a portent of doom. And now that I know what it’s like to be in love, everything hurts even more.
Actually, I didn’t mean to be so emo. It’s Trinna’s fault, she linked me to some chick’s blog. I honestly just wanted to write a review on Castle Seasons 1 and 2.
I have yet to meet this equal, of course. Probably because he doesn't exist. I have yet to date a man who doesn't put physical beauty first, either. And I have yet to come out of a relationship like that without feeling degraded and second rate. They court me because I am pretty, but when we are finally together, there is always someone prettier, someone better or smarter. Always someone to be compared with. Maybe I am unlucky, or maybe all men are like that.
So I spend my relationship afraid that I will never be good enough. Afraid that they're just here because they're waiting for someone else. I ask my friends, Am I right to be afraid? Are these insecurities founded? Am I being too much like Angelina Jolie? I ask so many questions, hoping in some way that my friends can fix my problem. And they say the things friends say, Don’t be silly. You’re being ridiculous. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Really? I haven’t met this person yet. Or maybe I did, but I felt he wasn’t good enough for me.
And I hate feeling this way. I hate being the kind of girl who doesn't feel good enough, or pretty enough or smart enough. The one who's always wondering if he's off somewhere else with someone else, or holding me and wishing I was someone else. Every little thing bothers me, stays with me, and in my mind I pick at it like a scab, never letting it heal. It's pathetic, and I know I am so much better than that. And it is so frustrating because there’s this huge dissonance between what you think of yourself and what you think your partner thinks of you. And it’s disgusting, because as shallow as I like to pretend I am, I have never put physical beauty as number one, or two, or even seven on my list of criteria. And here I am trying to cater to someone else’s sense of ideal. Hypocrite.
When I was single, I was never like this. I never had to wonder if I was 'enough' for anyone, I felt happy, and satisfied. I was enough for me. I felt like every little thing I did was a small achievement for myself. Now I feel like I'm holding up a candle to a roaring fire. Occasionally, I feel like a fool.
But the point is, I guess (not sure I have a point), is not the relationships, but my own insecurities. I have to fix them, or I will never be happy; as long as I have them everything becomes magnified, everything becomes a portent of doom. And now that I know what it’s like to be in love, everything hurts even more.
Actually, I didn’t mean to be so emo. It’s Trinna’s fault, she linked me to some chick’s blog. I honestly just wanted to write a review on Castle Seasons 1 and 2.
Avatar: (Hopefully) The Last M. Night Movie. Ever.
Short Review (in Vit's words): Like Eclipse all over again. Except with benders instead of vampires.
Long Review:
NO SPOILER ALERT (If you insist on watching this movie after what I reveal to you, you deserve to have it spoiled)
Scene 1
Two kids, completely unrecognisable as Sokka and Katara, are looking for food. They stumble upon some bald kid and a giant horned beaver with too many legs.
They take him back to their village.
At first we think they are at the wrong village, because everyone else there looks eskimo (eskima? eskimite? inuit?). But people don't seem to be trying to cast the white devils out with fire. I suppose their "uniqueness" is the reason why Katara is the ONLY WATERBENDER IN THE WHOLE CLAN, and why they stumbled upon Aang.
White people, you know. They're lucky. And not just with the native girls.
There are several expository conversations throughout, but you won't care because the only reason they're talking is to justify their paycheck. You can still understand the story if you watched this movie on mute.
Scene 2
Bad guys (with the only actor who can act) show up. Take Aang away. Sokka and Katara go after them and save Aang with the help of the flying furry centipede.
They then end up at an Earthbender village where the people are being kept prisoner. How are they being kept prisoner? Like that lor. They are wandering around in their own village, being poked about a bit by the guards. Still, they're on dry land, innit?
EARTHbenders. On dry LAND. ALL IN ONE PLACE. And they never thought, Hey. Wtf man. I'm a gonna turn all you Firebending idiots into balls of dirt until you suffocate, die and leave my people alone forever.
It takes some bald 12 year old to tell them - 'Your power is beneath you! You don't have to be treated like this!' thus proving everyone in BendingLand are idiots and deserve to be conquered.
Scene 3
I don't remember or care much about what happened at this point. But the graphics were pretty cool.
Scene 4
They go to the Northern Water Tribe, a stronghold that has never been attacked by the Fire Nation because of the strength of their people. But because Aang is there, the Fire Nation attacks. They attack using ships.
The water people panic. They are afraid they cannot defeat the fire people, and their princess and kingdom will be slaughtered. Fortunately a dragon appears to Aang in a vision and tells him to use the power of the ocean...
.
.
.
no. shite. sherlock. I would never have thought of that. It's not like the NWT IS SURROUNDED BY OCEAN. AND THAT THE CITY IS FULL OF WATERBENDERS.
Scene 5
The princess dies in a long-drawn out scene where the guy playing General Iroh is wondering why the hell he's in this movie exchanging lines with a bunch of cardboard cutouts, but nobody cares because they're all too busy bowing to Aang, who has finally accepted his fate as the familyless, all-powerful Avatar.
I'd like to say I don't care, but I cared enough to write this review.
I care about you to help you make the right choice in life.
Long Review:
NO SPOILER ALERT (If you insist on watching this movie after what I reveal to you, you deserve to have it spoiled)
Scene 1
Two kids, completely unrecognisable as Sokka and Katara, are looking for food. They stumble upon some bald kid and a giant horned beaver with too many legs.
They take him back to their village.
At first we think they are at the wrong village, because everyone else there looks eskimo (eskima? eskimite? inuit?). But people don't seem to be trying to cast the white devils out with fire. I suppose their "uniqueness" is the reason why Katara is the ONLY WATERBENDER IN THE WHOLE CLAN, and why they stumbled upon Aang.
White people, you know. They're lucky. And not just with the native girls.
There are several expository conversations throughout, but you won't care because the only reason they're talking is to justify their paycheck. You can still understand the story if you watched this movie on mute.
Scene 2
Bad guys (with the only actor who can act) show up. Take Aang away. Sokka and Katara go after them and save Aang with the help of the flying furry centipede.
They then end up at an Earthbender village where the people are being kept prisoner. How are they being kept prisoner? Like that lor. They are wandering around in their own village, being poked about a bit by the guards. Still, they're on dry land, innit?
EARTHbenders. On dry LAND. ALL IN ONE PLACE. And they never thought, Hey. Wtf man. I'm a gonna turn all you Firebending idiots into balls of dirt until you suffocate, die and leave my people alone forever.
It takes some bald 12 year old to tell them - 'Your power is beneath you! You don't have to be treated like this!' thus proving everyone in BendingLand are idiots and deserve to be conquered.
Scene 3
I don't remember or care much about what happened at this point. But the graphics were pretty cool.
Scene 4
They go to the Northern Water Tribe, a stronghold that has never been attacked by the Fire Nation because of the strength of their people. But because Aang is there, the Fire Nation attacks. They attack using ships.
The water people panic. They are afraid they cannot defeat the fire people, and their princess and kingdom will be slaughtered. Fortunately a dragon appears to Aang in a vision and tells him to use the power of the ocean...
.
.
.
no. shite. sherlock. I would never have thought of that. It's not like the NWT IS SURROUNDED BY OCEAN. AND THAT THE CITY IS FULL OF WATERBENDERS.
Scene 5
The princess dies in a long-drawn out scene where the guy playing General Iroh is wondering why the hell he's in this movie exchanging lines with a bunch of cardboard cutouts, but nobody cares because they're all too busy bowing to Aang, who has finally accepted his fate as the familyless, all-powerful Avatar.
I'd like to say I don't care, but I cared enough to write this review.I care about you to help you make the right choice in life.
Monday, August 9, 2010
We Are All Murderers In Our Own Way
I had a dream last night. I was living in a town with swamps and marshes. The kind people like to go hunting in? You know that type. Everyone's clumping around in shin-high boots and checkered shirts and rolled-up cargos. Waiting to shoot some duck or buck or hornball next-door neighbour.
I worked at a place that had lots of animals. Like a vet's clinic, but not really. The animals were all big and healthy, vibrantly coloured, behind metal bars. One or two dogs in gold and red fur skulked around the busy floors, twining between legs and each other.
There was a problem with one of the animals, and I had to go and get the cure. So I went out with a knife in my hand, to the marshes. The reeds were tall and bright green at the tops. There was a commotion, and then I was grappling with a massive bird. I flipped it over and saw it was a swan, a huge grey-feathered creature. You must understand, in my dream the bird was magnificient. It was almost the same size as I was, and the feathers ranged from black at the edges of the wings, to dark speckled greys and browns throughout its powerful body.
The whole time, my only thought was to break its neck, because the neck was the cure, it seemed. I knelt on its back, and I could feel how strong it was, how alive. It struggled, and I felt sorry for slaying such a fantastic beast in the mud of some lousy pond. It was just me, and this swan; and for a moment I felt the enormity of taking this one animal life.
And then I sawed off its neck with my jagged-edged knife, and left the body in the brackish water.
I woke up, and I could still feel how alive the swan was before I killed it.
I worked at a place that had lots of animals. Like a vet's clinic, but not really. The animals were all big and healthy, vibrantly coloured, behind metal bars. One or two dogs in gold and red fur skulked around the busy floors, twining between legs and each other.
There was a problem with one of the animals, and I had to go and get the cure. So I went out with a knife in my hand, to the marshes. The reeds were tall and bright green at the tops. There was a commotion, and then I was grappling with a massive bird. I flipped it over and saw it was a swan, a huge grey-feathered creature. You must understand, in my dream the bird was magnificient. It was almost the same size as I was, and the feathers ranged from black at the edges of the wings, to dark speckled greys and browns throughout its powerful body.
The whole time, my only thought was to break its neck, because the neck was the cure, it seemed. I knelt on its back, and I could feel how strong it was, how alive. It struggled, and I felt sorry for slaying such a fantastic beast in the mud of some lousy pond. It was just me, and this swan; and for a moment I felt the enormity of taking this one animal life.
And then I sawed off its neck with my jagged-edged knife, and left the body in the brackish water.
I woke up, and I could still feel how alive the swan was before I killed it.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Sucker Punch
Writing the previous post made me feel kind of like a pretentious prat.
So to make it up to myself, I'm posting this awesome saucesome vid:
So to make it up to myself, I'm posting this awesome saucesome vid:
Dragons and hot chicks in leather.
Please explain to me how this is not a p0rn on SyFy.
Please explain to me how this is not a p0rn on SyFy.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Who Is He To Hecuba?
Don't quote Shakespeare
If you don't know the meaning behind the words
If you are saying it to be impressive.
Don't talk like you know what it's like to be lost in his writing
To laugh at his jokes, that he wrote just for me - for my wit, for my eyes.
You think because everyone knows his name, that they - you - know him?
That it gives you the right to Google his quotes and copy-paste them to your screen?
You think because they made Romeo and Juliet into a modern romance
with guns and gangsters, you know who he is?
You don't know him. I don't either. I don't memorise his lines or sleep with his works under my pillow.
But he means something to me.
Don't belittle him by splashing his words around like cheap perfume.
If you don't know the meaning behind the words
If you are saying it to be impressive.
Don't talk like you know what it's like to be lost in his writing
To laugh at his jokes, that he wrote just for me - for my wit, for my eyes.
You think because everyone knows his name, that they - you - know him?
That it gives you the right to Google his quotes and copy-paste them to your screen?
You think because they made Romeo and Juliet into a modern romance
with guns and gangsters, you know who he is?
You don't know him. I don't either. I don't memorise his lines or sleep with his works under my pillow.
But he means something to me.
Don't belittle him by splashing his words around like cheap perfume.
Ash Mundane
You work and work
And try and try
And nothing is ever good enough.
And if nothing's ever good enough
Then why are we here?
And if nothing's ever good enough,
Then I'm not good enough, my dear.
And if we're always chasing stars
To place in other people's jars
In exchange for someone else's heart
Then we're better off alone, don't you think?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Geek Crush
^
Serinda Swan
(picture courtesy of some fansite I swiped off google)
If you didn't recognise the background from this image, it's a still from one of the recent Tron: Legacy trailers.
Which I am pretty sure exactly none of you have seen.
Anyway.
She's hotter than Olivia Wilde because she has boobs and Spanish blood.
She was also Zatanna Zatara in Smallville.
knil ereh.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
All Technology is Morally Neutral, unlike myself
Did you know that William Gibson coined the term Cyberspace in Neuromancer?
Of course you don't. I read the book and I didn't know it either.
Anyway. I always did want to be a writer.
I also wanted to be a marine biologist, diplomat, children's book illustrator, criminal psychologist and veterinarian, but hey. Not everyone can be Natalie Portman.
Of course you don't. I read the book and I didn't know it either.
Anyway. I always did want to be a writer.
I also wanted to be a marine biologist, diplomat, children's book illustrator, criminal psychologist and veterinarian, but hey. Not everyone can be Natalie Portman.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Why?
We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate
So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?
Delicate
Damien Rice
Damien Rice
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
I Was Never Like This ( I Was Shorter)
Ben: Hey, is there a race of Blackanese?
Me: What?
Ben: Blackanese. Are they real?
Me: What in God's name are you talking about?
Ben: I saw it on Rush Hour.You know when Chris Rock blablablabla (tuned out in disbelief)
Me: ...Rush Hour? Why are you asking anyway? Did you...actually CALL SOMEONE A BLACKANESE???
Ben: NO.
Me: Then?
Ben: Is it real or not?
Me: OF COURSE NOT YOU RACIST.
Ben: I'm not racist. It's not? Darn.
Me: WHY DARN?
Ben: I called a cat Blackanese.
*
Ben: Hey, is B-O-R-D an acceptable word for Scrabble?
Me: No. Didn't you learn how to spell? It's B-O-R-E-D or B-O-A-R-D.
Ben: No, no. BORG. B-O-R-G. Resistance is futile.
*
Ben: I want a waterbed.
Me: Waterbeds are expensive.
Ben: What? No they're not. They're like plastic bags filled with water. And then you sleep on them.
Me:...why don't you Google what a waterbed is.
Ben: Can you get them in KL?
Me: I don't know.
Ben: Why don't you Google it?
Me: Why don't you, smartass.
Ben: Fine. I love you. Bye. I'm cooler than you are.
Me: I'm cooler than you!
Ben: In your dreams!
Me: I'm ten years cooler than you are!
Ben: Nine years!
Me: Ten!
Ben: Nine!
Me: No wonder you're failing maths.
Me: What?
Ben: Blackanese. Are they real?
Me: What in God's name are you talking about?
Ben: I saw it on Rush Hour.You know when Chris Rock blablablabla (tuned out in disbelief)
Me: ...Rush Hour? Why are you asking anyway? Did you...actually CALL SOMEONE A BLACKANESE???
Ben: NO.
Me: Then?
Ben: Is it real or not?
Me: OF COURSE NOT YOU RACIST.
Ben: I'm not racist. It's not? Darn.
Me: WHY DARN?
Ben: I called a cat Blackanese.
*
Ben: Hey, is B-O-R-D an acceptable word for Scrabble?
Me: No. Didn't you learn how to spell? It's B-O-R-E-D or B-O-A-R-D.
Ben: No, no. BORG. B-O-R-G. Resistance is futile.
*
Ben: I want a waterbed.
Me: Waterbeds are expensive.
Ben: What? No they're not. They're like plastic bags filled with water. And then you sleep on them.
Me:...why don't you Google what a waterbed is.
Ben: Can you get them in KL?
Me: I don't know.
Ben: Why don't you Google it?
Me: Why don't you, smartass.
Ben: Fine. I love you. Bye. I'm cooler than you are.
Me: I'm cooler than you!
Ben: In your dreams!
Me: I'm ten years cooler than you are!
Ben: Nine years!
Me: Ten!
Ben: Nine!
Me: No wonder you're failing maths.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Instrument of Kind Magic
It's funny how something I am bad at can make me feel better.
It has taken me months to learn 4 chords, about half of the chords of the song Hallelujah.
Little by little, I can hear the shape of the song forming through my fingers. I feel the satisfaction of creation, just as I had with baking.
I am making something beautiful (although, this time, unedible).
I hold the guitar as if it were a tool, wrestle with it as if it were my enemy. Yet every sound it makes, whether choked through my hands or teased out gently, is pleasant. I feel as if I am under the most comfortable spell.
When a chord I play is wrong, I don't feel the same frustration as with other things, other situations. There is no feeling of inevitable failure, of overwhelming disappointment.
I expect nothing from the guitar. In return, it expects nothing from me.
I feel as if my days would not be wasted if I spent them playing the guitar badly.
If I ever grow up, I want to be Jack Johnson.
Which would ensure that I never grow up.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Utility
Hari tu, aku pergi 1U. Aku berniat nak beli tali pinggang (bukan untuk aku).
Masalah pertama yang aku sedari adalah: aku tak pernah beli tali pinggang untuk lelaki sebelum ni (beli masa krismas untuk suadara tu tak kira lah).
So aku fikir, kat mana ada jual tali pinggang? Rasanya kat tempat yang jual tali leher ada tak jual tali pinggang?
Malangnya, disebabkan aku tak pernah masuk kedai yang jual tali leher, aku tak boleh menjawab soalan tersebut.
Aku pun cuba mengingati kembali all those times yang aku ikut cousin atau kawan lelaki aku pergi shopping. Yang aku ingat hanya sekali tu, bila Jo nak beli jaket Puma dia dan telah mengheret aku menerusi 4 shopping malls dalam satu hari (masa tu aku pun tertanya tentang inclination dia). Aku hanya pergi kedai Puma. So, tak boleh guna.
Kedai jeans mesti ada tali pinggang kan? Kalau tak, ikut fesyen sekarang seluar laki semua jatuh kat lantai kot.
Kedai jeans yang aku kenal: Levi's.
...
Pull and Bear?
...
Apa yang aku tau? Aku cuma tau Forever, MNG, Cotton On, Topshop. Tapi Topshop ada Topman.
Aku pun pergi mengeksplorasi kedai-kedai yang aku rasa akan menjual tali pinggang lelaki (aku betul).
Akhirnya aku membeli tali pinggang (bangga).
Masa aku re-check resit aku sedar...bahawa tali pinggang ada saiz.
Kau tau tak tali pinggang ada saiz?
Sebab aku tak tau.
Kau tau tak Batman's Utility Belt hanya ada satu saiz.
Saiz itu adalah Bruce Wayne.
Masalah pertama yang aku sedari adalah: aku tak pernah beli tali pinggang untuk lelaki sebelum ni (beli masa krismas untuk suadara tu tak kira lah).
So aku fikir, kat mana ada jual tali pinggang? Rasanya kat tempat yang jual tali leher ada tak jual tali pinggang?
Malangnya, disebabkan aku tak pernah masuk kedai yang jual tali leher, aku tak boleh menjawab soalan tersebut.
Aku pun cuba mengingati kembali all those times yang aku ikut cousin atau kawan lelaki aku pergi shopping. Yang aku ingat hanya sekali tu, bila Jo nak beli jaket Puma dia dan telah mengheret aku menerusi 4 shopping malls dalam satu hari (masa tu aku pun tertanya tentang inclination dia). Aku hanya pergi kedai Puma. So, tak boleh guna.
Kedai jeans mesti ada tali pinggang kan? Kalau tak, ikut fesyen sekarang seluar laki semua jatuh kat lantai kot.
Kedai jeans yang aku kenal: Levi's.
...
Pull and Bear?
...
Apa yang aku tau? Aku cuma tau Forever, MNG, Cotton On, Topshop. Tapi Topshop ada Topman.
Aku pun pergi mengeksplorasi kedai-kedai yang aku rasa akan menjual tali pinggang lelaki (aku betul).
Akhirnya aku membeli tali pinggang (bangga).
Masa aku re-check resit aku sedar...bahawa tali pinggang ada saiz.
Kau tau tak tali pinggang ada saiz?
Sebab aku tak tau.
Kau tau tak Batman's Utility Belt hanya ada satu saiz.
Saiz itu adalah Bruce Wayne.
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