Be A Shallow Person Day

Yesterday was Be A Pterodactyl Day
As today cannot possibly be as inspired as yesterday, it is a shitty day.
So I will make a bitchy list.
Two, in fact.
The first will be 5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists.
The second will be 5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists, But You Have No Idea Why They Are There.

5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists

1. Natalie Portman

She's gorgeous, talented and smart. Also, beautiful. Almost perfect-looking, actually.

2. Natalie Portman

See? Gorgeous riiight?

3. Natalie Portman

Just to make sure that people take note.

4. Emily Blunt

She should have been Black Widow! Not Boob On A Stick over there.

5. Megan Fox

Oh please. Yes, she's skanky. Yes, she's slutty. Also possibly brainless. So? She's still pretty right?

5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists But You Have No Idea Why They Are There

1. Katy Perry

The reason why she keeps getting voted into these things is because no one is actually looking at her face.

2. Rachel Bilson

Oh hai! I have a bobble head and am on/off engaged to Anakin Skywalker. I also like to prance around in designer wear despite being jobless and talentless. I guess these gives me a spot on Those Beauty Lists for some obscure reason. Nothing whatsoever to do with actually being beautiful.

3. Keira Knightley

I really can't stand Keira Knightley. The feeling I have for her, in fact, is probably close to hate. I cannot watch any movie she's in without mocking her constipated performance after that. I always felt she rode on the wave of 'Natalie Portman Lookalike' without actually having to be as good an actress.
All she does is pout throughout her movies, and act like she's some kind of hot smartass. I hate people like that in real life, and therefore I hate people who act those kind of roles.

Especially if it is the only role they act in, therefore not making it a role anymore, but the actor's actual personality aka inability to act.

Basically, whatever. I hate her guts so much I didn't put up a picture and would throw iguana poo at her if I ever had the misfortune of meeting her.

4. Julia Roberts

If these lists were a competition for Irish Setters, I would understand why she is on them.
I actually have no problem with her. I just feel that she's on these lists because she made a movie decades ago named 'Pretty Woman' and for some reason everyone started thinking she's pretty.
When she isn't.

5. Jennifer Aniston
When inanimate objects like potato sacks start making the Most Beautiful Lists, you know that our standard of superficial beauty has dropped to an all time low.

Honorable Mention

Justin Bieber

Because its gender has so far been indeterminate, I am putting it on this list because I am sick of seeing it on Most Beautiful Lists when it is clearly doing a very lame job of being an attractive human who can sing.

Disclaimer: I am basing this purely on looks. I don't care that Julia Roberts is very classy or that Katy Perry has a heart of gold or whatever. They're not beautiful. So they should not be on these lists. Also, they are all women. Because I think it's weird to call a guy beautiful.

I didn't even bother listing Sarah Jessica Parker because everyone knows what a joke that is.

Dancing Slippers

Me: Hello everyone.

Everyone (in cheerful voices): Hello...Samantha.

Me: I-I'm here because I...have a confession to make.

Everyone (sympathetic gasps): OooooOh.

Me: I-I'm an...ADDICT!

Everyone (understanding gasps): AaaaaAh.

Me: I AM ADDICTED TO INTERNET SHOPPING!

Everyone (interested sounds): HemmmM.

Me: I AM ADDICTED TO BROWSING ONLINE BOUTIQUES! Everything looks so adorable! You won't find such dresses on hangers in clothestores! Not the cute vintage ones that I like! Nor the flowery tops or printed skirts! None! ONLY ON THE INTERNET!

Everyone (slightly shocked): WhoooaaAh.

Me: And the shoes! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHOES! And the bikinis!! I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I MISSED THE LAST VS BIKINI AT A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS PRICE BECAUSE OF - ARGHHHHHH! (keels over in frustration and hyperventilation)

Everyone: Erm.

Random person (prods me with a stick): Oi.

Me (in between deep breaths): If anything happens to me, here are the blogshops YOU MUST GO TO!!!!!!!:

http://arrogantminnie.blogspot.com/
http://whitesoot.blogspot.com/
http://blissfully-beautiful.blogspot.com/
http://www.peepboutique.com/
http://diaryofane-shopaholic.blogspot.com/
http://clothesbucket.blogspot.com/
http://shopaholicsu.blogspot.com/

ps. I did actually start writing about Castle and Nathan Fillion and other awesome things, but I saw a pair of red shoes at arrogantminnie and aarrghhhhhh.

My Life is Average.com

Everyone has a list of things they want to do before they die.

I have no such list.

But as of now, I have the beginnings of a list of things that I sure won’t do.

The List:

I Will Not:

1. Bungee jump

2. Sky dive

3. Parachute

4. Roller coast

5. Ride a carousel

6. Parasail

7. Scuba dive

8. Get on The Eye, that giant, psychotic ferris wheel that they have in every country

9. Hike

10. Mountain Climb

11. Rock Climb

12. Cycle

13. Use stairs

I shall be adding more stuff to this list. You can be sure of it.

Skinwalking

Things I Would Like To Go As For Halloween:

KAROLINA DEAN

Because it would be awesome.

ART BY ALPHONSE MUCHA

A PORCELAIN DOLL

Can you believe this doll? No, honestly. THIS is a DOLL. A doll. Looking at it makes me feel like I have been elevated to a higher level of existence, because this woman is creating human beings in porcelain that actually look like human beings. Or at least like Anne Hathaway.
Except, you know, in porcelain.
The doll has collarbones for goodness' sake.

Face/Body Dissonance

Good things come in...Goode packages

I just realised the last three movies I have watched all have starred Gerald Butler.

1) The Ugly Truth

2) Gamer

3) A Law Abiding Citizen.

I am actually not really a fan of Butler. I am a fan of prettyboys.
Butler is the opposite of prettyboy. He is what approaching a prettyboy from the opposite direction would look like.

What I mean to say is, he is not very good looking (but ,whoa, is he buff. Like, really buff. There's this scene in Citizen where he strips naked and...ANYWAYS).

And then I thought, if he isn't very good looking, why is he in movies? Why is he acting with Katherine Heigl, the guy from Dexter and Jamie Foxx? And why has he made SO MANY movies that I have watched THREE of them in TWO months? Why? I can only think of these reasons:

1) He is Scottish.

2) People are sick to death of pretty boys and want to see a normal dude/real man.

3) A "real man" with a 6 pack, pecs, arms like lamp posts and thighs like tree trunks.

4) He is buff.

5) Really buff.

So basically, he's there because he's buff and when he speaks, he sounds like he has a dorkily charming lisp because he's Scottish. The dissonance is appealing. Or something. I still don't get it...

where the hell is Hayden Christensen?


note: in the Housemate Rhyme, verse 2 is Twi'lek/Aylaa Secura from Star Wars, verse 3 is GreenSkinned Space Babe/Gaila from Star Trek, verse 4 is An Elf from Lord of the Rings, verse 5 is X-23 from X-Force OR Catwoman, as Ally pointed out, and verse 5 is Buffy the Vampire Slayer from Buffy...the Vampire Slayer.

Dean Winchester Can Kill Two Stones With One Bird

I don't need to justify myself to you.

Isn't Dean Winchester awesome?

I think I almost died trying to laugh silently at that while I was in the office. I think I managed to make my boss believe that I suffer from a loud and embarrassing nasal disorder, but it was so worth it.

Dean Winchester is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Similar to a Russian nesting doll, if you were to break Dean Winchester open. you would find another Dean Winchester inside, only smaller and angrier.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Dean Winchester, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Sam Winchester got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Sam Winchester for every answer.

Sam Winchester can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals John Winchester allows to live.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects John Winchester could use to kill you, including the room itself.

A unicorn once kicked John Winchester. That is why they no longer exist.

I would love to copy and paste everything but I'm too lazy and that would sort of feel like plagiarism so check it here:

I LOVE SAM WINCHESTER.

No Art To See

I was just thinking about the state of humanity today. How people can lie and cheat and swindle and manipulate without decent people even realising it. How something weird or bizarre or life-changing or life-threatening can just happen within the space of a few words. And all those people out there who don't have the natural defense of Lying and Evasion are basically screwed.

Not.

Actually I was thinking about Kat being hit on by a lesbian waitress at Nando's SEVERAL TIMES without her even realising it.
And after she did, she was too nice to ignore the girl. But I think she's just not capable of Lying and Evasion. At all.

So I think that the people who are really good at this kind of stuff should sit down and write a book about it, so that ALL of humanity has a fighting chance. And Kat will have the capability to avoid such...interludes.

The name of the book should of course be

LYING AND EVASION: A Guide To Being A Baseline Human

and have chapters like:

1. How To Lie

2. How To Lie Without That Obvious Silence Between The Question You Have Been Asked And The Lie You Are About To Tell

3. How To Evade Without Staring At Your Feet

4. How To Lie To Loved Ones Right To Their Face

5. How To Evade Without Lying

6. Body Language: The Anatomy Of A Lie And How To Look Good Doing It

7. How To Lie Unconvincingly So That You Sound Like You Are Reluctantly Telling The Truth

8. How To Spread Slander Guiltlessly

And so on and so forth.

The Ides of March

The other day, Heartbreaker said that I only have depressing songs on my playlist.

These are some of the songs on my playlist:

1. Addicted - Kelly Clarkson (obssession)

2. Why - Annie Lennox (general heartwrenchingness)

3. If I Were A Boy - Beyonce (men are all cheats)

4. Llorando - Rebekah del Rio (unrequited love)

5. Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory (dying)

6. Ku Katakan Dengan Indah - Peter Pan (unrequited love)

7. Say What You Want - Texas (unrequited love)

8. You Don't Know Me - Jann Arden (unrequited love)

9. Menjaga Hati - Yovie & Nuno (unrequited love)

10. It's All Your Fault - Pink (unrequited...-okay. Maybe I do have a few depressing songs)

I mean, is it my fault that people like to record lots of songs about unrequited love? And the songs are pretty good?
No, it isn't my fault (duh).
I am merely one of the many members of a mass target market.

So, you guys should check your own mp3 and see if you too have fallen victim to this sneaky disease.Because you just never know...