Greg and I: Whatup
God of Bisexuality: Greetings, my children!
Greg and I: Wha...???
(Question: Why do gods insist on calling everyone their children? You did not give birth to me!)
Nah, not really. This is his real story:
Hermaphroditus
The son of Hermes (like the scarf) and Aphrodite (she got around eh), Hermaphroditus was the god of bisexuality. He was minding his own business and bathing in a pool, when some psycho nymph who had been stalking him leapt into the pool and merged with him. And by merged, I do not mean have sex. I mean she physically melded into him, so that they became 'two bodies, one form'. Apparently her stalker-like devotion appealed to the generally insane greek gods (what did I tell you about holy STD?), and when she asked to 'never be parted' from him, they agreed.
This is how I see it going down:
Nymph: OOO holy gods and goddesses I hereby sacrifice this here poor virgin goat in your name please let me get sucked into Hermaphroditus and stick to him forever, like a useless excess bit but with sexual organs, much like the male anglerfish to the female! OOOO I beg thee holy gods and goddesses!!!!
*Kills goat*
Aphrodite: Yes, my child.
Nymph: Oh Holy Aphrodite! Allow me to bodymeld with your child and completely lose all sentience so that my vagina can be with him forever!
Aphrodite: My child?
Nymph: The one you had with Hermes.
Aphrodite: I had a child with...Oh. Hahaha. Well, who keeps track of these things? Heeheehee. Sure, do what you like, my dear. But give me a heads up if he's cute! Huhuhuhu.
Nymph: Thank you O Great Goddess!
A lot of people think having gods as parents would be cool, but it's actually not. As you can see from this unfortunate scenario:
Hermaphroditus, bathing harmlessly in a pool, thinking of all the dates he has lined up. Suddenly some random nymph jumps in and starts squirming against him.
Nymph: Oh, H, We will be together forever! Heeheehee.
H: Eh. Hey. Oi, wot chu think you're doing eh? I'm a bloody God, see. And you laugh like me mum. Get the Hades away from me.
She starts being absorbed into him.
H: Heyyy. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Wot's this? What...ARGH. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.
Yeah. You know what happens next.
Heeheehee.
Yeah, well. We always kind of knew that, even if you didn't, Barbie.
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