When I go back (to wherever it is I am fortunate enough to go back to for that period of time), I like to watch tv. I think everyone does. I think everyone who watches tv will agree with me that Astro is one of the greatest creations in Malaysian broadcasting history.
Despite the fact that Astro has 652-odd channels, there are only three that I actually watch
1. MTV
2. Channel V
3. E!
Sometimes if there is something involving dragons, Scarlett Johanssen or Eric Bana shirtless, I will watch HBO. If Blood+ or that Primo Passo thing is on, I will watch Animax.
CNN, Bloomberg and its ilk only get my time of day if it is impossible to change the channel. How does this situation come about? No, it is not when the remote vanishes. You can always run to the store and get a new one. Duh.
It happens when either my uncle, father or grandfather has control of the remote. When that occurs, you are not even stupid enough to ask whether you can change the channel even though the endless rounds of golf is melting your brains and the computer has crashed.
My favourite person to watch tv with is Hannah. We think almost alike. Conversations while watching tv normally go like this:
Why are her boobs like that? As if she doesn't have enough money to pay for better ones.
Huh? She's depressed? She has a room the size of my house. What is she depressed about. Bodoh.
Perlukah nya mok madah...
GOD! She looks so OLD!
Ekeleh. He thinks he's the only one with a family kah? Just because his family's on tv. And owns five cars. And has a backyard the size of a park. Siot
Why is her face like that? As if she doesn't have enough money to buy a better one.
How come she doesn't look like her sisters?
Huh. If I said that to MY mother, kene lempang adalah.
and
God, don't they know they're on tv?
The shows we love best are Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Living Lohan. It makes us feel righteous watching it, even though they're the ones prancing around with million dollar pinky rings and enough money to pay for my education until I'm 55.
Always remember, God created even stupid, greedy people for a reason.
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If you can't figure out the reason, it's to make normal, rational, considerate people like us feel better about the fact that we're not humiliating ourselves on worldwide television.
This is not Eric Bana shirtless (but it's a nice picture anyway)
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