Monday, April 13, 2009

Campbellian Heroes

Today I discovered the insides of my condensed milk container to be lightly sprinkled with mold.
Yes. Mold.

As I stood there holding the innocent pink container that suddenly made me want to throw up, I thought:

So. This is what referigerators are for.

Cleaning the container, I swore to myself that I would never fall victim to green extremist beliefs and sacrifice my health to save the world (even a little bit). Other people can slaughter their garden-reared sheep and eat soggy veg from the lawn.
I ain't buying into that.

And, hey, cheapskate hostel people, when are you going to enable us to keep our foods in more hygienic circumstances? Before or after we are infected with an outbreak of mold disease?

I can just imagine their tiny, furry little hyphae expanding and taking over our water based cells, slowly turning us into FREAKING WALKING FUNGI!!!

Is this what you want, University Authorities? To force-spawn a new breed of Homo Cladosporium to get global attention, because obviously getting a gazillion dollar grant from the government for no other reason than as a short term solution to the epic problem of our COUNTRY'S EDUCATION SYSTEM SUCKING PLATYPUS BALLS is not good enough for you?

That is so UnCool, seriously.

Like, wth kind of superpowers would mushroom people have anyway? You could have thought this through, Evil Academic Scientists, and turned us into SuperPowered Beings (I dibs on the diamond forcefields), but no. You're taking the Easy Way Out.

I'm beginning to think you don't really want the global recognition for doing something intelligent and winning the Nobel Prize in Amoral Gene Manipulation.

That would mean you're just plain attention whores.

I am truly disappointed, USM Scientists.

I could have used some of those forcefields.

On another note...




Assuming being bonded to THIS fungi doesn't turn one into Smurfette, or cause hysterical blindness, one might actually turn into AYLAA SECURA. Which is really not such a bad thing, all things considered.
I for one would sign up for it.
If you do not know who AAYLA SECURA is...



Hi, I am AAYLA'SECURA. I am a Twi'Lek, aka the sexgoddesses of the StarWarsVerse. I am also the Hottest Jedi Ever. And my lightsaber matches my skintone. W00t.

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