Crash and Burn Girl

Does anyone remember Life As A House?
Neither do I.

Anyway, I was watching Jumper and started thinking about Hayden Christensen.
Which isn't hard because the movie is basically all about Hayden Christensen. And his trenchcoat.

(I was also watching Definitely, Maybe and About A Boy (again), but, hello, Ryan Reynolds vs Hugh Grant vs Hayden Christensen?).

But it wasn't just Hayden I was really thinking about. It was his female co-stars.
(Although Rachel Weitz in both the abovementioned movies is far superior to Rachel Bilson.We're talking like galaxy-size superiority here).
Was it just me and my ingrained jealousy against anyone who wasn't me who gets to paw at Hayden, or is Bilson's head a little too big for her body?
I mean, honestly. Look closely. She's like one of those Bobble-heads people keep on the dash.
In the makeout scenes I found myself wondering if he tounged her too hard, maybe her head would fall off her neck.

Sadly, this did not occur.

She survived, and is now currently dating him.

Argh.

Let's not dwell on horrid stuff.



There's actually only one of Hayden's costars that I was thinking deeply about.

Natalie Portman.

This is because I believe she isn't human.
Not totally human anyway.
I believe that she is, in fact, half fairy.
Seriously.
Look at her nose. She has a perfect nose.
Look at her eyes. They're both wild and intelligent. Not to mention perfectly shaped.
And her cheekbones, and her chin and her lips. All perfect. Even the little beauty mark on her right cheek.
If you look at her photos (as I have been doing for the past half hour), she has the face of an angel, and the face of a wild thing.
Okay, she's a bit short.
But what do you expect from a fairy person?
They're called Little People for a reason.
And no matter what scene she is in SHE ALWAYS LOOKS PERFECTLY CLEAN.
Like a living doll. Like dirt, muck, grime and makeup just slide off her skin.
She has perfect skin.
Or if my theory is correct, she has the perfect illusion of perfect skin.

Which human being always looks perfect? Even Scarlett Johanssen looked slightly bedraggled in The Other Boleyn Girl, but Natalie just looked serene, and calm and perfect.

Even when her head was about to be chopped off.

I don't mean that she is aesthetically perfect (although to me, she is), but her features and her physicality as it is has always got a sense of untouchability. Like she is beyond this human crap.

Anyway, she was Amidala.

She pwns all other chicks.

This is a Bobble Head