Why am I telling you this?
Because in James' stories lived the most badass man ever.
The Cobra Story
James: There was one time I was walking with my sister. Then she suddenly stopped and started walking backwards. I was wondering what was wrong with her. Then she ran off screaming. So I just thought she was being weird.
Us: Omg. Your sister left you to die!!!!!
James: Then I turned around and there was a cobra there. But it was okay. I didn't move or poke it or anything, so it just sat there, minding it's own business. And then my uncle shot it in the head.
Us: WTF faces
James: Can you imagine? I was just a kid. I don't like snakes now.
The Crocodile Story
James: I don't like crocodiles either. There was this pond on the plantation. One day, my sister and I were just walking around the pond, and then I saw a log. It was big, and it was drifting towards my dog, who was paddling around. The log kept drifting faster and faster towards my dog. And then my uncle shot it in the head. The log was a crocodile.
The Soup Story
James: So then after the crocodile's carcass floated to the surface, they dragged it out of the water. They skinned it and hung out to dry in front of my uncle's place.
Us: Ewww.
James: I went over to my uncle's place, and my aunt was making soup. I can't speak Chinese, and she can't speak English, so she just served me some soup. I love soup. So I just sat down and happily ate it lah. And it was so delicious.
Us: Oh man...
James: Then I tried to ask her where she got the chicken from, because it was so fat and juicy. The chickens on the plantation all look like they gonna die d. Then my mum came over, so I asked her to ask my aunt.
Mum: James, you know what soup is that?
James: Chicken lah! It's very nice! Want some?
Mum: James...you remember or not the crocodile that they took out of the pond this morning? And hung in front there?
James:..Yeah. Why.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................oh.
Although the last story was not relevant to badassery, I think you can imagine what kind of person James' uncle is.
A badass kind of person.
This is what I think excerpts from his autobiography would sound like:
*
page 31
Today I saw a tiger. I shot it. It died.
I ate it.
*
page 56Today an armadillo made eye contact with me. I shot it. It ran. I shot it until it stopped running.
And then I ate it.
*
page 74Today my gun didn't work. I had to stomp a monitor lizard to death.
*
James' uncle, this is something I rarely get to say to living, non-fictional people:
You are badass.
2 comments:
This is so irrelevant, but your little "excerpts" reminds me so much of A Million Little Pieces.
"It stared into my eyes. I feel the rage. I know this feeling. It won't go away. It continues to stare. I feel the rage. I know this feeling. It won't go away. Bang!"
Loved your co-worker's stories btw :)
Serious shit awesome! *big ass grin*
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