Oh Chariots

Domestic Goddess.
Your mileage may vary.

Yesterday, my housemates and I, in a sudden spurt of domesticity, rearranged the (little) furniture we have, stripped the couch, and washed the cover.

See, we have this big blue IKEA couch that we got from a bunch of students who abandoned their apartment. With all their furniture still inside. And clothes. And books, kitchen utensils, umbrellas, and mangas and a vacuum cleaner. Basically looks like a tornado blasted through and picked up all the human beings.

I know what you're thinking. It would be what I was thinking when I walked up to the front door with Liz, my housemate, and the girl who had the door key.

Scene:

It was evening and it was pitch dark. It was a corner apartment. There were no lights. At all. Even the door looked dodgy and dusty. It screamed dead druggies inside (Imagine that. I know you can. You've watched just as many episodes of CSI as I have).
Me: Uhhhhhh...is this the right place?
Key girl: Yeah
Liz: Why is it so dark?
Key girl: Oh, the electricity got cut
Liz and I exchange looks.

Inside:

Liz: Holy fuck.
Me: Is that anime? Did they just leave boxes of anime lying around??
Key girl: Yeah...they wanted to leave really fast.
Liz and I exchange ominous looks.
Me: Er...why?

(Probability No 1 One of them went on a murderous rampage, forcing the others to flee and explaining the personal belongings strewn about
Probability No 2 They tangled with drug dealers. Now they don't tangle with anyone anymore. Ever again. Explaining the massive mess no one seemed to be around to clean up.
Probability No 3 A horrible person-eating monster crawled out from the darkness and ate them. Explains everything.)

Key girl, shrugging: I don't know.The owner ran away, I think.

So that would be like, Probability No 1? Unless the owner was a drug dealer, too.

The Couch:

Liz: The couch looks really nice, though
Me: Yeah.
The big, dusty, splotchy couch stares at us gloomily.
Liz and I exchange happy looks.
Me: It's perfect!
Liz: It's so big!
Me: I wonder if we can carry -- Holy shit this thing is heavy!
Liz: Uh oh.

See, the apartment block is like 5 minutes away from our place. Not far enough to justify renting a lorry. But not near enough to be a walk in the park lugging a bed-sized couch.

In one of the Bedrooms:

Key girl: So do you guys want a bed? I can give it to you cheap.
Liz: Don't these people want their stuff back?
We stare around the room, huddled in the two square feet of floor space not covered by crap.
Key girl, shrugging: Nope. So do you want a cupboard? Mattress? Books? Clothes? Bras?
Me & Liz: Ewwwwwww

Outside:

Me, holding rainbow coloured umbrella: Oh my god, this is so cute!
Liz: Oh my god, yeah!
Me: We can use it on rainy days!
Liz: And it will look so adorable!
Key girl: Um, I don't think so that's such a good idea.
Liz: What? Why not?
Key girl: Because we believe that, you know, things can hide in it. And come out when you open it.
Me, oblivious: What things?
Key girl, obviously wondering where I grew up: You know. Things.
Me & Liz: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
Key girl: But you can take anything else though.

So that is basically the story of our couch. And now it's naked. It's clothes are sitting on top of it, but none of us, domestic goddesses that we are, can figure out how to put it back on.
But we will. Eventually. Really.