Bring It On

The Incredible Gargantuan Missy-Poo (no, it isn't just the angle. She really is that big)

The other day I was having a conversation with my cat, Missy.
I actually don’t have that many talks with my cat, outside of who’s the cutest darling-poo?? and Hey fatso, aren’t you the cutest little poopy-poo awwwwww.

You know. Normal pet stuff.

But there had been a disturbance several nights ago, and our floor had been valiantly protected by a good-looking ginger tom from upstairs.
I was curious as to why the ginger tom would bother doing so, unless for the approval of my (not so) little blue eyed poopsy.

Me: Hey fats, who’s that handsome kitty what’s been hanging around eh?

Missy: Look of utter boredom

Me: Oh I see. He means nothing to you yeah? Despite the fact he’s been a-dangering hisself night in and night out at our front grill? Ain’t you an ungrateful dame.

Missy: Yawns uncontrollably.

Me: Sigh. I guess that’s how we should treat men…males. Toms. Guys. Whatever. In a few days he’ll be valiantly defending some other lady’s door, if you know what I mean.

Missy: Puts her head on her paws and ignores me.

Me: Oh wait. Sorry. That’s how you treat everyone. Idiot cat.

Missy: Twitches in her sleep.

Me: But I guess I should at least take a page out of your book…a fur out of your hindleg, so to speak.

So remember, boys and girls:


Those who are unworthy of us, we ignore.

Unless they are paying your salary.

Or feeding you (you heard that, you ungrateful feline? I’m putting you on a diet starting tomorrow. You’ll only be fed three times a day!!! HAH. Take that, Chunky. Oh no. Oh no no no, don’t look at me with those big blue eyes…okay, I’ll feed you at tea time too. Okay, okay, supper as well. Okay, whenever you ask me too. Damn cat).