Max von Kill

Yesterday Seth got me my first Christmas present. It is a unicorn. Not just any unicorn, but the unicorn I had been begging him to get ever since I laid eyes upon it on our fateful walk through One Utama.

I know I shouldn't talk about it, it being a Christmas present and all, but Unicorn and I are well on the way to solidifying a bond that will last eternities.

I tried to convince Seth to be a part of this bond as well, but he resisted all my attempts.

Me: Unicorns make everything so happy!

Unicorn*: Sethhh! I liiiike yewww Sethhhh. Whyy don't yeww like meee? (paws flirtatiously at Seth)

Me: You've hurt Unicorn's feelings, see. How could you be so cruel? Unicorns are creatures of light and happiness!

Unicorn: Ownerr! I love yewww Owner!!

Seth: You are insane. And give me that unicorn.

Me: Nooooo!

Unicorn: Nooooooo!

Seth: Takes Unicorn away from Owner. *Gasp!*. What will happen to poor Unicorn in the unsympathetic clutches of a non-believer?

Later

Me (whispering): Unicorn! We can no longer speak freely in the presence of the man-thing!

Unicorn: I hattte mans!!!

Me: But I feel like we should both be able to love you!

Super Magical Unicorn Flower Rainbow Starlight Makeover


Unicorn (in macho voice): Helloooo Sethhhh. I am Max von Kill von UniGore!!11oneone. I pwn n00bs. Now that I ammm macho and have l337 skillss, we can be the besttt of friendssssss!

Me: This will be such a successful endeavour!

Seth: Go away.

Unicorn: Nooo!! I amm macho unicorn!! Rejection makesss me sad! I need to eat some faiiiiry dust and tormented children's soulsss to return to my previous state of fantastically epic awesomeness!!

Me: See what you have done?? You have unleashed the hunger of a depressed unicorn upon the world!!!

Seth: Ignoring you.

As you can see, my attempts were unsuccessful. This was merely because Unicorn was a Unicorn and not a Manticore.

Isn't Max von Kill an amazing name for a pet? Here is a little story about that name:

Previous to the Unicorn Story

Me: If we have a dog, we should name it Max von Kill!!!111

Seth: Why?

Me: Because it is the most awesome dog name ever! Anushia my co-worker came up with it!

Seth: No.

Me: Why not?

Seth: I want a Rottweiler named Buttercup.

Although that story is not actually relevant to how the name Max von Kill came about, I thought I'd just put it in there.

*Unicorn was, in fact, voiced by me. Despite it's vast magical powers, it still required a human conduit to put to words the thoughts that it telepathically made known to me. The voice is very similar to that of Charlie's friends in this video.