Now I realise I was being over-optimistic. Of course! I watched the trailers and knew the movie would suck. The timeline was wrong. The characters were wrong. It was all wrong.
But I would still watch it, because what kind of X-Men fan would I be if I did not watch it, regardless of how horrendous and spitworthy it is?
Spitworthiness:
1. Cheese. So much cheese. I could have brought nachos and had enough protein to put on it just from the bromance between Charles and Erik. Everyone is so cute and chirpy and all-together- now. It's so cheesy all the goop makes me numb to the fact that the mutant issue was supposed to be a reflection of the AIDS epidemic. But screw that right. It was like watching The Famous Five With Superpowers.
Tastier than watching First Class2. Sorry but this: Banshee wasn't Irish (Then why choose Banshee? If he was American wouldn't he have just called himself Sonic?). Angel was in the New X-Men. Mystique was certainly never part of the founding X-Men team. Wrong Summers brother (TWO of them were in either founding team and they had to choose the one who wasn't). Darwin (just. WTH). I saw no purpose to the agent being named Moira McTaggert. You could have named her Lorna Dane or Maria Hill and it would have made no difference.
I thought casting was important. But I guess he'll grow into it.3. Is this X-Men or White-Men? Because they got rid of the two non-white characters pretty quickly, what with Darwin dying (I'm sorry, but wasn't his power, like, not dying?) and Angel switching sides. Everyone is white. It's boring.
What do you mean I'm not part of the main cast? I'm in the original First Class dammit!4. Sometimes I didn't know whether I was watching a co-ed version of Mallory Towers or a 'serious' movie. The preciousness of the 'teens' was jarring in comparison to the so-called heavy issues this movie was supposedly handling. Also, I hate preciousness and a more awkward and chemistry-less bunch of young adults I haven't yet seen.
5. January Jones. Everyone's complained about it so why shouldn't I? As Emma Frost she's about as sexy and titillating as llama spit. And I don't understand why they even put her in her diamond form because a. it was a secondary mutation that didn't appear until the destruction of Genosha and b. it was obviously just for show because Jones, unlike McAvoy, doesn't look smart enough to be a telepath. Am I starting to look vacant? DIAMOND FORM! There is only so much squinty eyes the woman can convincingly do.
This is sexy.
This is awkward.6. Are they following the main Marvel timeline or the Ultimates? If Ultimates, I know nothing of it and cannot comment. If main, then the timeline is irritating. An obvious example:
Here, Emma Frost is the subservient partner to Shaw while in normal time she is dating Scott Summers. Is Scott Summers even born yet in this movie? And is this completely separate from the previous X-Men movies? I thought this was supposed to be a 'prequel' of sorts. But in Wolverine, Emma made an appearance, same age as Cyclops, and the Prof was in a wheelchair. I don't understand.
7. It's just a movie. Why am I nitpicking? I should just sit back and enjoy it. Sorry. If they wanted to make a movie about a bunch of superpowered hotties, they could have gone The Incredibles route and created their own characters. The characters I see in this movie are so far from their original purpose so as not to be relevant to the actual character they are based on. Which to me makes the whole movie pointless. Don't make a movie based on a franchise and expect people to have no expectations.
Hugworthy:
1. Micheal Fassbender (except in the end scene. corn to go with the cheese, please).
Nevertheless, my brother who also felt as I did when we first saw First Class did assure me that the movie gets better after you watch it again.
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