Jellybinion

Jellybinion

(jl-bnyn)

1. Edible minions that come in a variety of flavours and colours.

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Jellybinion!

FAQ

What are Jellybinions for?

Jellybinions fulfil the two basic needs of society - that of food and to have an army of servile creatures to carry out your every whim.

Who are Jellybinions for?

Jellybinions would be an excellent accessory for supervillains, superheroes, people with god complexes, countries without a standing army and busy working mums.

What do Jellybinions do, exactly?

Whatever you want them to! Jellybinions can be programmed to a motherbrain, whose thought processes would be simulated and used as those of the Jellybinions. You can hook them up to yourself - or even someone else, to make sure your minions don't do the exact same stupid mistakes that you do.
Don't worry, whatever you do to your minions will not affect the motherbrain, as it is merely a simulated thought process.

So what can I do with them?

They can carry out a myriad of simple tasks, as well as more complex ones depending on the motherbrain. They can sing you to sleep, translate documents and march as your army of doom, all in a day! And if that isn't value for money, when you need snack, just grab one and munch away!*

*Don't worry, they are not sentient and therefore will feel neither pain or betrayal as you chomp away. Think of them as merely dog-sized snacks that have organisational capabilities.

Sounds cool. What flavours do these little critters come in?

We have literally a gazillion flavours - and we'd be happy to custom-make some for you as well! Someof our best sellers are Butterscotch, Peanut Butter, Bacon Bits, Steak and Cheese, and Sour Apple.

Won't Steak and Cheese look like poo?

Ahahaha! You would think so, but we have fortunately circumvented the unappetising colours by putting large amounts of food colouring into the Jellybinion's basic recipe. Some may even say that is the reason they have become animated. Haha.
If you are curious, Steak and Cheese are in fact the colour of a blonde unicorn - creamy white and bright yellow. Yums!

So they were created by accident?

That's all the time we have today for FAQs! Feel free to order your own batch of Jellybinions - they come in sets of 24, each flavour sold separately.

What? Hey, what's the texture like when you bite into them? Wait a second...do they have consciousness? How else would they know what to do? Are they capable of their own thought without the motherbrain? Are you purposely suppresing their innate abilities to make puppy-sized chew toys for humans?

Oi! Hey! Hello? Imma tell Hermione about this.