This Night of Nights

Today is the last day of 2009. Has anything changed from last year, is anything different?
So much has changed completely. Mostly for the good.
Yeah God.
You heard me.
I'm being thankful.
Thank You.

I almost decided to stay at home and do zero things for New Year. Because I was lazy, and I wanted maybe finally a full night's sleep at last.
And then I sat and thought about it.
For like 7 hours (because I don't actually have any work to do at the moment).
(In between MLIA, tvtropes and A Very Potter Musical).
And I realised that I was going to mark myself as a Freak For All Time if I sat at home. This would be the night I would look back on in anger and bitterness when I have become a hard and twisted woman, and someone foolishly mentions the word 'New Year', 'Jennifer's Body' or 'Alone'.
Basically, I felt the decision to stay at home would scar me for life.
So I'm going out for New Year's, and I will spend this night, that doesn't really mean anything, but really also means so much, with people (in a non-orgy way).

Dear 2009.
You were an eventful year, a bit sloppy sometimes, but you did your best and came through at the end, just like Captain Mal.
When you end, I hope I'll feel it.
Goodbye.

Mesti

Bolehkah aku berlari selamanya
Tanpa berpusing kembali
Melintas setiap gelap
Kabur dalam mimpi
Menginginkan sesuatu
...
Kau mungkin ada pilihan
Tapi aku mesti

Nerf Wars

Yesterday I discovered that Obi-Wan did not keep Qui-Gon's lightsaber after lopping off Darth Maul's head.

I feel disappointed in Ewan McGregor.

How can I ever look at him the same way again?

I feel like Ben Kenobi should have been devestated enough

by his Master's death that he should have lived the rest

of his life out as a Nerf Herder.

Sea Path

How far now to unfathomable?
How far now to the darkness beneath?
If I can't read you, then I can't understand you
It's getting deep and it's hard to breathe

I am riding on the back of a serpent
As she slides through the sea
Her fragile scales crushed under my grip
As her poison holds me

Where is the end of this journey?
In blue waters of tragedy?
In dark caverns of forgotten love
That stain a soul eternally

How long more do I venture
To what I do not know
You are not here, you may not be there
But Ocean tells me, go

The swirling waters, the endless night
Is this where I will find you?
Yet ghost fishes wearing the souls of old wishes
Wander through and through and through

I am no god, and I will end soon
And you will go on as lost as before
So tell me, where is your unfathomable
Tell me, how far more?

I may find you, or I may seek the moon
Or am I now seeking her fallen reflection
Twisted by the waves, eaten by the creatures
Where did you go to not return?
Let me wait for you.

I Loved You First

I spent Raya at my Uncle's place (which is where I spend every Raya anyways ;)). We did things like:

Wake up at an ungodly hour (ie 6 am, only to go back to sleep and wake again at 7 am).
Serve food (Really yummy food).
Eat lots of said food.
Take lots of photos (which someone has yet to upload).
Coin a phrase.
Watch my eldest cousin choke on teh tarik.
Decide to nickname our youngest cousin Baby (being, as she is, a 4-month-old baby).
Go shopping in Raya clothes, complete with Hannah's sleeves rolled up from washing dishes and the near-decrepit crocs I swiped from my 13-year-old cousin, as I have no slippers of my own (When I think about it, I realise how living in Cyber has actually made me amenable to this, as I am so desperate to shop that I grab every opportunity, regardless of attire)
(In my and Hannah's defense, we were so excited about sneaking off to shop, we didn't realise that we looked like......that).
Skive off later washing-up to go karaoke (and sing Sk8er Boi).

Best Raya so far? I think so.

The Tides of Man

The other day I was at Pyramid with Kat. While waiting for Kat to buy a donut (because she has a stomach the size of an army base), I watched the people on the ice-skating rink.

Of course, the first person who caught my eye was this dude with The Most Disastrous Haircut On Earth. No joke. He looked like he ran headfirst into an orange pompom. Kat said it was not too bad, and hey, who am I to judge other people's life choices?

I am Sam, just to clarify that.

Then Kat came back and we spent the nxt 15 minutes watching this cute couple skate around. Except the longer we watched, the more we realised that they weren't actually a couple.
The girl was a much better skater than the guy, and she kept leaving him behind, or skating just out of his reach. The guy pretty much sucked. But he obediently struggled all over the ice, with her just inches away. Just inches away, but out of his reach.

HA HA HA HA.

Basically, he was there ONLY for the girl. And he was quite cute, but the girl seemed quite immune. She was immune all over the rink. I wonder if he regrets strapping on the skates now. Still, she might thaw once they were off the ice.

It was sweet though. I was witnessing an age-old human ritual : Courtship. Or at least an attempt at one.

It's almost time for a carol

My Life is Average.com

Everyone has a list of things they want to do before they die.

I have no such list.

But as of now, I have the beginnings of a list of things that I sure won’t do.

The List:

I Will Not:

1. Bungee jump

2. Sky dive

3. Parachute

4. Roller coast

5. Ride a carousel

6. Parasail

7. Scuba dive

8. Get on The Eye, that giant, psychotic ferris wheel that they have in every country

9. Hike

10. Mountain Climb

11. Rock Climb

12. Cycle

13. Use stairs

I shall be adding more stuff to this list. You can be sure of it.

Hormones

So that God could say

I may have given you free will, but I sure as hell didn't give you control.


Just ask Laurie

Oh Chariots

Domestic Goddess.
Your mileage may vary.

Yesterday, my housemates and I, in a sudden spurt of domesticity, rearranged the (little) furniture we have, stripped the couch, and washed the cover.

See, we have this big blue IKEA couch that we got from a bunch of students who abandoned their apartment. With all their furniture still inside. And clothes. And books, kitchen utensils, umbrellas, and mangas and a vacuum cleaner. Basically looks like a tornado blasted through and picked up all the human beings.

I know what you're thinking. It would be what I was thinking when I walked up to the front door with Liz, my housemate, and the girl who had the door key.

Scene:

It was evening and it was pitch dark. It was a corner apartment. There were no lights. At all. Even the door looked dodgy and dusty. It screamed dead druggies inside (Imagine that. I know you can. You've watched just as many episodes of CSI as I have).
Me: Uhhhhhh...is this the right place?
Key girl: Yeah
Liz: Why is it so dark?
Key girl: Oh, the electricity got cut
Liz and I exchange looks.

Inside:

Liz: Holy fuck.
Me: Is that anime? Did they just leave boxes of anime lying around??
Key girl: Yeah...they wanted to leave really fast.
Liz and I exchange ominous looks.
Me: Er...why?

(Probability No 1 One of them went on a murderous rampage, forcing the others to flee and explaining the personal belongings strewn about
Probability No 2 They tangled with drug dealers. Now they don't tangle with anyone anymore. Ever again. Explaining the massive mess no one seemed to be around to clean up.
Probability No 3 A horrible person-eating monster crawled out from the darkness and ate them. Explains everything.)

Key girl, shrugging: I don't know.The owner ran away, I think.

So that would be like, Probability No 1? Unless the owner was a drug dealer, too.

The Couch:

Liz: The couch looks really nice, though
Me: Yeah.
The big, dusty, splotchy couch stares at us gloomily.
Liz and I exchange happy looks.
Me: It's perfect!
Liz: It's so big!
Me: I wonder if we can carry -- Holy shit this thing is heavy!
Liz: Uh oh.

See, the apartment block is like 5 minutes away from our place. Not far enough to justify renting a lorry. But not near enough to be a walk in the park lugging a bed-sized couch.

In one of the Bedrooms:

Key girl: So do you guys want a bed? I can give it to you cheap.
Liz: Don't these people want their stuff back?
We stare around the room, huddled in the two square feet of floor space not covered by crap.
Key girl, shrugging: Nope. So do you want a cupboard? Mattress? Books? Clothes? Bras?
Me & Liz: Ewwwwwww

Outside:

Me, holding rainbow coloured umbrella: Oh my god, this is so cute!
Liz: Oh my god, yeah!
Me: We can use it on rainy days!
Liz: And it will look so adorable!
Key girl: Um, I don't think so that's such a good idea.
Liz: What? Why not?
Key girl: Because we believe that, you know, things can hide in it. And come out when you open it.
Me, oblivious: What things?
Key girl, obviously wondering where I grew up: You know. Things.
Me & Liz: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh
Key girl: But you can take anything else though.

So that is basically the story of our couch. And now it's naked. It's clothes are sitting on top of it, but none of us, domestic goddesses that we are, can figure out how to put it back on.
But we will. Eventually. Really.

People Alphabet

I'll wash my hair and feel a little better
Than holding on, holding on to nothing
I'll wake up and have the whole day
Brought to me by the letter, the letter
The letter A
A for Awesome

Hey little bones holding up my head
You're a lot stronger than you believe
And this heart and this blood,
And this warmth and this need
I hold myself within a circle and I am
Stronger than I believe

I'll write this down, and it will live forever
I'll die, but I'm alive right here
And when I'm sad, I know how to feel better
I just have to find that letter
A

The Ninth Circle

I curse thee to bathe, 265 times a day.

This circle is for betrayers.
It is for people who take the trust put in them by the people who love them and spit it back in their face.
It is for Judas and his ilk.
It is for those who betray their country and their beliefs.
It is for the kind of people who give this up:


For this:


But it's real love, oh it's real. Oh it's real love, oh it's re-a-l love
- Regina Spektor

Vintage Retro Superpower Doll Hero

I was thinking about all the costumes I saw people dressed up in on Halloween...angel, demon, bee/spider hybrid, vampire, ship admiral, mummy, vampire, Jabbawockeez, construction workers, vampire, spiderwoman, CLARK KENT, vampire...and it was so cool. It was cool.
I wished I had gone as Yuko Ichihara. Or even Mokona.

Oh well.

And then I wondered why people dress up on Halloween.

I know, I know. Why do I even care? I've watched enough Buffy the Vampire Slayer (because obviously Buffy is a dependable knowledge guide) to know that it's the time when the monsters and stuff walk around...aimlessly..because everyone looks like them now. And it's something to do with Samhain (yeah, I'm talking about you, Pumpkin Head).
And, uh, that's it.

So I wiki-ed it.
I know! I mean, I don't even know what's on the headlines of the newspaper today and yet I can waste my time Wiki-ing halloween?? It's terrible. Tragic. The values of society these days have gone down the toilet bowl with the sound of the environmentally friendly half-flush.

So anyway, I read it.

Or at least I read half of it, and then got bored.

Why do they write such long posts? Don't they realise the modern attention span is about 1.5 minutes long (and that is an optimistic estimate)? I was totally distracted with searching for Buffy images while waiting for something interesting to happen on the Wiki halloween page. I mean, a celebration of summer? Come on, people! No gruesome underage sacrifices? No naked pagan chanting? No horrific badass monster king? Why am I reading this page again?

Conclusion: It's obvious that Halloween serves no higher purpose than as a glorified LARPing session.

Next year I will go as broccoli.

Skinwalking

Things I Would Like To Go As For Halloween:

KAROLINA DEAN

Because it would be awesome.

ART BY ALPHONSE MUCHA

A PORCELAIN DOLL

Can you believe this doll? No, honestly. THIS is a DOLL. A doll. Looking at it makes me feel like I have been elevated to a higher level of existence, because this woman is creating human beings in porcelain that actually look like human beings. Or at least like Anne Hathaway.
Except, you know, in porcelain.
The doll has collarbones for goodness' sake.

Face/Body Dissonance

Good things come in...Goode packages

I just realised the last three movies I have watched all have starred Gerald Butler.

1) The Ugly Truth

2) Gamer

3) A Law Abiding Citizen.

I am actually not really a fan of Butler. I am a fan of prettyboys.
Butler is the opposite of prettyboy. He is what approaching a prettyboy from the opposite direction would look like.

What I mean to say is, he is not very good looking (but ,whoa, is he buff. Like, really buff. There's this scene in Citizen where he strips naked and...ANYWAYS).

And then I thought, if he isn't very good looking, why is he in movies? Why is he acting with Katherine Heigl, the guy from Dexter and Jamie Foxx? And why has he made SO MANY movies that I have watched THREE of them in TWO months? Why? I can only think of these reasons:

1) He is Scottish.

2) People are sick to death of pretty boys and want to see a normal dude/real man.

3) A "real man" with a 6 pack, pecs, arms like lamp posts and thighs like tree trunks.

4) He is buff.

5) Really buff.

So basically, he's there because he's buff and when he speaks, he sounds like he has a dorkily charming lisp because he's Scottish. The dissonance is appealing. Or something. I still don't get it...

where the hell is Hayden Christensen?


note: in the Housemate Rhyme, verse 2 is Twi'lek/Aylaa Secura from Star Wars, verse 3 is GreenSkinned Space Babe/Gaila from Star Trek, verse 4 is An Elf from Lord of the Rings, verse 5 is X-23 from X-Force OR Catwoman, as Ally pointed out, and verse 5 is Buffy the Vampire Slayer from Buffy...the Vampire Slayer.

Mysteries

Have I been searching for a strange love,
That happens in pale moonlight
And have I been searching for a real love
On the wrong side of the night?
I think I see you, but it's not you,
Just a grinning shadow or antlered wings,
Just the angels of the dark, the ghostly things

Have I been trying to divine
The nature of a monster,
Am I seeking demons I need not face,
Am I writing love songs whose words will waste
Away and I am left sobbing
By the stream of my own fears
And you are gone, a mist of ribbons
That cut through the night and disappear

I have been chasing stardust
That shone across my skin
I thought it illuminated within
But it was as empty as every light
That shines the brightest
And I give up on your hollow star
That's not where you are
That's not where you'll ever be
You do not know my name
But you have hurt me all the same.

Searching for a Housemate

I’m looking for a housemate

For the middle room upstairs

But I’ve got a few requirements

(I’m not really splitting hairs)

You should be about this height

Your skin should be quite blue

And if you were once enslaved, that’s ok

So long as you were a dancer too.

Or if you’re green, it’s not too bad

Just don’t bring back too many jerks

In fact we have a strict policy here:

No Man But Captain Kirk.

If you’re tall with pointy ears

I’m not sure what to do

Our lease expires after 2 years

You’d better think it through.

Or if you happen to have

Incredible gymnastic skill

Sheathed claws and leather pants

And a barely repressed desire to kill

(As much as I’ll love to have you

I don’t think the others will)

A girl with a stake is always welcome

I’ll understand your late hours

Vanquishing the Big Bad takes time

And various superpowers.

I hope I’m not asking too much

You have to understand

I only desire women of misrepute

To join my nerdery band.

Wink wink.

(If you can identify the movie, book, tv or comic book series my housemate might come from, please give yourself +1000 xp each. Hahaha)

Oh, It's Real Love, It's Real

Today I woke up to the sound of my alarm, which was Love Lockdown.
I then proceeded to try and reenact the Beat Freaks tutting with their arms from America's Best Dance Crew, for no apparent reason.
I then went back to sleep.

I. Need. A. Job. Or the entire season of Fringe.

I’ve been at home, with nothing much to do. So I started something that I’ve always wanted to do: make comic characters.
Yup. I mean, it’s not like I create them from scratch. What I did was adapt pre-existing characters (Marvel ones, of course), redraw them and slap on my designs and facial features. Which takes a lot more time than I thought it would.
But I did it! And since I promised Ally and Vit (or at least Ally. Here’s a surprise for you, Vit. Hahahaaaa) that I’d do it, here it is!
Please bear in mind that this is total comic book fantasy, and if I actually looked like this, I would be in the next Transformers movie instead of sitting in front of this laptop, blogging about my lack of employment.



Fable
Dear Me. I couldn’t figure out what powers to give myself, so I have four arms. Hahahaa. Kidding. I have shadow stuff, that can become things. Like my suit. And arms. And rocketlaunchers and Robert Downey, Jr.
Body by: X-23. Of course. Heheh.



Paragon
Dear Ally. I couldn’t figure out how to make you look cool while healing people, so you get to fly til I figure it out. I wanted to give you sparkly blue stuff too, but my Photoshop brushes are misbehaving. I could give you weird-coloured skin, like Elixir, just to have something visible, but that would be so cliché. Uh huh. Are you sure you don’t want to control an army of zombies?
Body by: Polaris.


Radiance
Dear Vit. Yours was the hardest to do, because I had to find a position where the hands were open, so that you could blast energy spheres.
You know, I felt so cool just writing that sentence down.
Body by: Domino.

So you guys not only got to be my audience, you also received a small education in some of the coolest characters in the Marvel Universe! i.e. Polaris, X-23 and Domino.
Extra references would be Spiral, Aurora, Jubilee and Psylocke.

You're welcome.

And yes, I am perfectly aware of how excessively nerdy this whole thing is. I think I’ll turn everyone into Jedis for my next art fest.

sometimes you gotta run before you can walk

Dalam 24 jam yang lepas, aku telah melihat filem Iron Man sebanyak 2 kali. Adakah ini bermaksud aku harus keluar dan memperolehi sesuatu hobi atau melakukan sesuatu yang membawa kebaikan kepada dunia ini?

Rasanya tak.

Iron Man merupakan filem paling hebat yang pernah dibuat selama lebih kurang sejak aku dilahirkan. Mengapa aku berkata begitu? Ada beberapa sebab:

4. Ia adalah filem buku komik. Filem buku komik selalu cool. Kadang-kadang agak bodoh, tapi masih cool, seperti X3, Punisher dan X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

3. Ia mempunyai sut besi yang mempunyai reaktor nuklear sebagai sumber kuasa yang terletak di dalam sut tersebut. Reaktor nuklear. DI DALAM SUT yang sedang dipakai oleh ORANG.

2. Watak utamanya adalah Tony Stark. Tapi saya tak peduli pasal tu. Saya sebenarnya tak kenal pun Stark sebelum ini. Yang penting tentang sebab ini adalah watak ini dimainkan oleh Robert Downey, Jr. yang merupakan lelaki paling hot. Ya. Bukan dalam dunia, bukan dalam galaksi, atau alam semesta. Lelaki Paling Hot, Noktah. (Bukan lelaki paling hensem atau comel, ok? Cuma Paling Hot).

1. TONY STARK could build one! IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!

(Saje je nak tulis).

Hanya filem Deadpool boleh mengalahkan filem Iron Man. Serious.

Shiny Shining Shinier

I LOVE yewwwwww

Today I went for my second driving lesson.

I am in fact not a bad driver, just a terrified one. You could die at any minute on the road! Accidents happen all the time! Of course accidents happen all the time at home, at school, on flat surfaces and off tall buildings. But we're not talking about those (yet).

My instructor didn't panic much, although he did mention that when I eventually do buy a car, it 'most definitely must be an auto'. Yeah. He also looked a bit concerned when, at the end of the lesson, I admitted that I hadn't realised we had been driving around in circles for the past hour.
In my defence, they were really big, town-sized circles. Not many people would have noticed.

Really.

Meanwhile, I have watched District 9, Up and 17 Again.
Up was depressing like anything, except for Dug the super-adorable dog. 'I was hiding under your porch because I love you.' How adorable is that? Adorable doggy.

Or Less

Today, I managed to convince my grandparents that my driving is so bad, if I went to KL, I would kill myself driving in a straight line.
So they will only even consider allowing me to move under these conditions:

1. I find a place that is FIVE MINUTES OR LESS away from my future theoretical workplace.

2. I go for driving lessons.

Yep.

My driving is so bad, that my grandfather, who survived the second world war and the Japanese Occupation, and who taught everyone in my mother's family how to drive, is hiring a driving instructor for me.

A. Driving. Instructor. for Driving. Lessons. At 23.

And if I don't manage to convince them that I am not a danger to myself and the unfortunate people surrounding me on the road, then I won't be moving anywhere. Which I totally agree with, having great appreciation for my life and that of the car.

Stupid cars. Why couldn't they have made flying carpets or something. If technology is so great, shouldn't they have made teleporters by now? Shouldn't we be living on spaceships? Shouldn't we be colonising the moon? And the best they can come up with is some pansy hybrid vehicle that can't even fly. Wth. What is wrong with these people. They have no vision whatsoever.

Speaking of vision, James Cameron has a new movie that he promises will blow your mind. I hope it will be a Star Trek kind of blow-your-mind, where you wish you had your own IMAX for everytime you watched it, and not a G I Joe kind of blow-your-mind, which reduces you to a level of mild retardation for the duration of the movie. I actually felt my brain cells die when they were shooting MISSILES at the van Snake Eyes was stuck under TO SAVE HIM. There. Didn't your brain cells die too? And you didn't even watch the whole movie yet.

Dude, Where are My World Destroying Powers?

I'm too lazy to do the rest of Star Trek, so you'll have to use whatever imagination you have.
To those of you with lots of imagination, Star Trek totally rocks, right?
To those of you with little imagination...watch more tv.

I actually wanted to post up this recipe for pineapple upside down cake which is a total cheat because it's too easy to make but everyone will think you're some kind of baking goddess.
Totally undeserved, but you take what you get. People give you plus points, too, for saying it was easy. Which it was.

I watched Pineapple Express. I think I'm in love with James Franco. No, really. He is just such a cute drug dealer.

Yeah whatever

Awesome Has Many Names

I watched Star Trek.

Here is my review of Star Trek.

Big Opening Scene:

Big aloe vera shaped ship appears through A BLACK HOLE IN FRONT OF USS KELVIN without sucking in said ship or causing any damage to the surrounding bits of space.
Disbelief suspended.

NERO, COMMANDER OF NARADA (the poky looking ship): Come on board for absolutely no reason other than to promote your First Officer, George KIRK to CAPTAIN after you die.

USS KELVIN CAPTAIN ROBAU (aka most screwed over captain in Federation history): I am going to go on a suicide mission to ensure that KIRK has a hero for a father.

ROBAU and George KIRK DIE saving the crew of KELVIN while DR CAMERON gives birth to JAMES TIBERIUS KIRK.

Backstory Scene Kirk:

KIRK: By stealing this antique car and driving it over the ledge, I am proving to you what a genius dickwad I am. Also, I am really, really blonde. And cute. Just wait til I grow up.

Backstory Scene Spock:

SPOCK beats up some VULCAN kids who make fun of his name. And the fact that he’s half Vulcan/ half human.

SPOCK: Dad, why did you marry Winona Ryder?
SPOCK’S DAD: I wanted my kid to have nice eyes.
SPOCK: Guess that worked out well for you.

MANY YEARS LATER:

VULCAN HIGH COUNCIL: Despite your mother being only 8 years older than you, you have turned out pretty normal. We accept your application to Vulcan school that every Vulcan attends anyway.

SPOCK: Did you just diss my mum?

VULCAN HIGH COUNCIL: Uh, yeah.

SPOCK: Fuck this, I'm joining Starfleet.

SPOCK joins STARFLEET.


In random spacebar

KIRK, hitting on SUPERFOX UHURA: Hi. I'm awesome, as you may have noticed from my devil may care attitude, blue blue eyes and kissable mouth. And nice ass.

SUPERFOX UHURA: Huh? Is this Star Trek or a Maxim live-action issue?

KIRK: Says the fanbait.

KIRK then gets beaten up by half a dozen starfleet cadets. Getting beaten up and hanging from ledges seem to be the limit of KIRK's awesomeness.

CAPTAIN PIKE to KIRK, drooling on the FLOOR: We haven't recruited enough good looking people for the year. Why don't you join up?

KIRK joins STARFLEET


Stay tuned for PART TWO.

Tony Stark Likes Redheads

I was checking out the latest pics from Iron Man 2. They included Stark looking hot, Whiplash the new villain looking unwashed, Pepper looking sweet, Stark looking even hotter, and Black Widow, undercover and in a spy outfit.

And then I realized that there was a silver lining to having Johanssen as Natasha, and that was the spy outfit. The figure hugging, zip front spy outfit.

Because you see, the only nemesis nemesis-y enough to be a threat to Stark is one in black PVC with an hourglass shape. That, and a villain whose power is to manifest large amounts of good quality alcohol.

I can’t wait for the new Iron Man! Even though Whiplash looks sorta like a hobo who raided a garage, it will still be a cool movie.

Because Tony Stark. Is. Awesome.

I also saw on ComicVine that a Magdalena movie might be in the works. I’ve never read any of the Top Cow comics, but I used to religiously watch Witchblade on TV.

Witchblade is in no way related to Magdalena, except that they have the same ‘villain’, Darkness. Who also has his own comic book.

In fact, everyone and their distant ancestors who appear in the original Witchblade run have their own comic at Top Cow.

Jenna Dewan is attached apparently, and if you guys have forgotten who she is, she’s the girl who spent endless hours of screentime with Channing Tatum in Step Up. I think she’s a bit short, but she’s pretty cute and not Megan Fox, so that’s good.

Speaking of Megan Fox (because everyone is anyway) she’s also jumping on the comic heroine bandwagon (again), rumoured to be signed to play the mostly naked protagonist of Fathom, Aspen Matthews.

Which is kind of correct I guess. Every other image of Aspen is lacking in what we like to call outer clothes, much like every other image of Megan Fox.

In other news, fans of Superman (yep, all five of you) be warned: DC is losing rights to its gayest character within the next four years or so.

That means they will no longer be able TO PUBLISH SUPERMAN COMIC BOOKS HA HA HA.

Sucks to you, wonderboy. That’s what you get for prancing around in BLUE TIGHTS and not being as cool as Batman. Or Tony Stark.

I spent a pleasant day baking brownies and watching Serenity, the movie of one of the greatest ever tv series that I have yet to watch. Haha.

Anyway, it’s always gives me great joy to watch (again) the disgustingly handsome Simon Tam save his psychotic ballerina sister and then hook up with the rest of the crew of Serenity, with dialogue by Joss Whedon.

Simon Tam (to his sister, River): If shooting starts, just run away as fast as you can. Get somewhere safe, get away. (Eyeing the rest of the crew in the ship with her and saying in a loud whisper) It’s ok to leave them to die.

Malcolm: Simon, I swear to you, if anything happens to your sister…I’d get real choked up. Really upset. There might even be tears.

For two minutes of pure anime awesomeness.

Her

If you could pull my heart
From this stormy ocean
Into the frigid arms of life
I will go back again and find her
My whole life to lie beside her
And what follows there behind her
Is just a darker dying side of her


I love her as night loves death
Anger loves fire
As hate loves breath
The ice and rage, another stage
Of our passions, another page
In this book of ruined words
Choking at the back of our throats
As birds fall from the sky


And when they ask me
Why I love her
I have to tell them
It’s the translucence of her skin
It’s the horror of the ghost within
All the lies that stain me told
In the pattern of her hair they unfold


Forgive me, I have need of her
And if death may part us
I will see her
And if my frozen lips do part to tell
The terrors of her unearthly charm
There is no harm
For there is no better hell
Than in her arms.

#6 Temporary Trials - The Librarian

Nothing much has happened since the last update. I am now confined to the library, listing books with the dream of creating a reference that is both understandable and artistic. Which is impossible, but I try.

Found out a couple days ago that the chambering student/ lawyer slightly annihilated his sleek bronze Audi. Wondered what car he is driving now. Saw him drive away in a BMW yesterday.
I wonder if he accidentally sort of destroys the BMW, if he'll be driving a Jaguar to work the next day.

Am currently reading Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Uncle sent a compilation of all six books in the trilogy, and the whole is fatter than my cat. Which may sound impossible, but there you have it. Will be leaving for Johor in two weeks. Less than a week actually.
From there reality will crash into my peaceful slumbering and I will have to get a job, or die of shame.

Take A Break

I borrowed 3 books from the library.

1. The Nature of Monsters

2. The Blood of Flowers

3. Secrets of the Chess Machine

This proves that I am a sucker for interesting titles. I was even BS-ed into borrowing and actually reading Special Topics in Calamity Physics because it sounded so quaint. It turned out to be the greatest waste of time since my ex-boyfriend.

But that is the only anomaly. Black is the Colour of My True Love's Heart, The Meaning of Night, The Wooden Sea, The Amazing Adventures of Cavalier and Clay, The Voyage of the Narwhal, A Philosophical Investigation have all been wonderful wonderful wonderful. I wish that I could write here every book I borrowed for its name that has left a happy little mark on my memory, even the ones with only a one-word title, because their incredibleness is not contained by the size of their title.

Isn't it cool? I mean, I would write a book just so that I could name it something interesting. Just so that I can imagine someone spotting it while browsing through shelves and thinking, Hey, that looks interesting, or What is it about?

Wouldn't that be nice? In the world of Cadbury. Etc etc etc.
I'm hungry.

Hungry Like the Wolf

Since everyone is being all internal and philosophical, I thought I'd be that too. Since my posts have so far only been aboutcute guys cute guys cute guys cute guys...and Chace Crawford.
(Chace Crawford is not a cute guy; cute guy models itself after Chace Crawford).


You know what, maybe I don't feel like being philosophical. Life is sucky as it is, analysing it will probably reduce me to a coma like state where I will never be able to eat pancakes again.

I actually wanted to talk about Megan Fox and allllllll the hype about her being a lousy role model for women, and placing guys expectations of women's hotness at fantasy levels, and their expectations of women's intelligence at toilet levels.

But thinking about the Transformers movie gave me a headache from its sheer stupidity, so I just think the whole thing is like those robot twins - painful and unnecessary. Of course she's going to act like she's practically retarded! That's part of the fantasy! She's an actor for goodness sake. Her image is that of a highly paid porn star. I'm sure she's perfectly capable of a gramatically-friendly sentence in real life, and if not so what? You can't expect everyone to be Misha Collins.

And anyway, it applies to us women too. For this, I assume men are around the same intelligence as women (although I am proven wrong time and time again, I am giving them the benefit of the doubt, as we are of the same species, and who can we depend upon when the fish revolt if not each other).

See, even though we women find the likes of Ed Westwick and Daniel Henney incredibly attractive and super-gorgeous both in and out of character, does not mean we expect all men in real life to be in any way as cool, interesting, driven, undeniably handsome, well-dressed, classy and intelligent as these two.

Because we are realists.

Just like in real life, men don't really expect women to know anything about cars or bikes, have constantly glossed lipe, look like barbie, act like she enjoys being a slut and have little to no education.

Taa daa. There. Now no one should get mad at Megan Fox.

Holy shit. I couldn't even Google 'fox' without half of the images being upper class porno pics of Megan Fox.
Fox Dude, you have so been pwned. It's time to change your name.

Heel Chace Turn

I was reading collegecandy when I realised that Chace Crawford and Zac Efron look very similar.

Very. Similar.

So went on a google image hunt to find proof of my theories when I stumbled upon Jared Leto.

But then while looking at pictures of all three, I was completely distracted by Chace Crawford. He smiles in nearly every picture! It was so hard to find pictures of all three of them in similar poses because he smiles so much.

Okay, okay. This post is actually to tell everyone what a beautiful smile Chace Crawford has.

Just kill me already for gods sake.

Dean Winchester Can Kill Two Stones With One Bird

I don't need to justify myself to you.

Isn't Dean Winchester awesome?

I think I almost died trying to laugh silently at that while I was in the office. I think I managed to make my boss believe that I suffer from a loud and embarrassing nasal disorder, but it was so worth it.

Dean Winchester is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Similar to a Russian nesting doll, if you were to break Dean Winchester open. you would find another Dean Winchester inside, only smaller and angrier.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Dean Winchester, each testicle is larger than the other one.

Sam Winchester got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Sam Winchester for every answer.

Sam Winchester can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals John Winchester allows to live.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects John Winchester could use to kill you, including the room itself.

A unicorn once kicked John Winchester. That is why they no longer exist.

I would love to copy and paste everything but I'm too lazy and that would sort of feel like plagiarism so check it here:

I LOVE SAM WINCHESTER.

# 5 Temporary Trials - The Translator

Have a different picture, but too man-porn to associate with work.

Isn't he cute though?

Move aside Nicole Kidman, the Translator is here.
Finished translating Bundle from English to Malay, now typing out.
Had to bring laptop to work, so thought might as well bring broadband as well. Which would explain why I am online 9-5 this whole week.


Had painful experience yesterday. Came in from lunch late because stopped at bank. Almost completely embarrassed myself and future generations by walking into conference room while boss was with clients. Saved myself and went to eat jelly at main area. Snuck back to library while still eating jelly.
Had to pass the open conference room door on the way to library. Stopped chewing in case boss noticed. Once safely in library, boss called.
Was forced to swallow jelly whole.
Can still feel it digesting this morning.


5 boxes of law books arrived. Boss actually already has them at Miri office and can access them online. Basically he just spent rm 6000 on shelf decoration for conference room.

#4 Temporary Trials - Department of Redundancy Department

Spent the whole day making lists of closed cases, together with Aurora. Wondered for a moment if there was actually any point in me being there. But anyway.
Cases are very interesting, the worst and more bizarre, the more interesting. Further reinforces belief that most of humanity have no redeeming values.

There was a blackout at the office today. Lasted awhile. By the end of the first fifteen minutes, was taking back every word I said about conserving the environment by not using plastic bags, aerosol spray or AIR CONDITIONING.

Thank you, God, for creating AIR CONDITIONING.
I forgive you for creating Megan Fox, who enforces ridiculous expectations of hotness on all of womankind.

#3 Temporary Trials - Picasso In Words

Or maybe this is what lawyers should look like. Yep.

I think Henry Cavill and Hugh Dancy would make an excellent lawfirm.

Today completed going through each and every existing envelope regarding case. Found everything except core documents. Wonder if boss will dock my salary for not performing miracles.

Almost fell asleep in utilities room. Work is great to make you appreciate stuff. Like weekends. And sleep. And endless hours of dvd zombification.

Nearly finished Star Wars novel that I swiped from my brother while he slept. Sorry to find no Aylaa Securaa. Therefore felt no inspiration to become a better person. But did feel like Ewan McGregor too cute to play Obi-Wan in comparison to book character. Perhaps someone hairier would have been better.

Above and Beyond

The afterlife is interesting. Don't you think? Have you ever wondered what happens after we die?

Do we end, just like that? Regardless of the question whether God exists. For this theory, we shall assume God exists, because it is necessary for us to be created for us to die. And we must come from somewhere.

But does having a beginning guarantee us an ending, whether in heaven or hell? Do we believe that because God created us, therefore he is obliged to extend our existence into immortality?

Just as it is necessary for us to have been created, it is necessary also for us to believe that there is something beyond this earth if we are to believe in God.

A basic instinct, to believe that there is a greater force at work, just like ages ago, when they worshipped the sun, the rocks, the trees.
Belief is a necessity. Have we created our ending in the image that we would prefer; the righteous rewarded and the sinners doomed?

There are two questions here.

1. Does God exist?
2. What is the afterlife?

Obviously I can answer neither, but the first can be surmised by simple logic.

1. Evolution denotes a plan to our existence.
2. A plan requires a mind/ a purpose.
3. The mind/ purpose is what we know as God.

So there is a God, or an approximation of God. Is this God nice? Is this God compassionate? I don't know. Not having spoken to God directly, I cannot judge God's intentions, if God has any.

Now death is harder. A simple logic would be:

1. We are mass and energy.
2. Energy cannot be destroyed, only transferred or displaced.
3. The earth has not exploded from the energy of all the dead people, so it must go 'somewhere'.

Unfortunately, that is a simplistic way of trying to explain an afterlife. Our energy, after all, moves down the food chain as we are devoured by scavengers and microorganisms.

Therefore, there must be another energy, which I will call the soul. It is the hopes of those who believe in God that this soul doesn't just die with us, or become raccoon decaf.

But where does it go then, if not into the belly of the earth? Perhaps it goes into space? Do our souls add to the edges of the galaxy, making the universe bigger, becoming the threads of creation? Are some of us destined to be new stars and planets, to bear light and life?
Or are our souls taken to another dimension, the dimension of heaven?

(I am treating the idea of hell as emotional blackmail, and therefore irrelevant. If you have to be threatened with fear before you willingly do good, then it defeats the purpose of religion, and of humanity).

There is no answer to what is the afterlife. No one has come back and told us the joys of a host of angels, or the sound of the sky over some unknown planet.
Space, another dimension, an alternate reality.
Interesting isn't it?

The Sky, The Sky!

I have been feeling pretty down lately.
Basic premise of how down:

Like when Doyle sacrificed himself on Angel.
Like after I read Tess and realised nothing has changed.
Like when Hayden Christensen became Darth Vader.
Like when Dragonheart sacrificed itself, despite being the last of its kind.

See? Pretty sad.
So, I decided to be more optimistic. How? By thinking optimistic thoughts.
Example of optimistic thoughts:

Ewan McGregor might walk into the office tomorrow.
I might find inspiration to write a bestseller.
It might rain tomorrow.
I might meet a member of the landed gentry and he will sweep me off my feet and back to Ireland or whatever and a castle and a solid British education.
There might be a geographical anomaly and Sarawak will turn into Los Angeles.

Wow. That so did not work. Except maybe the first one.
But I do feel happier.
Weeeee.

#2 Temporary Trials - Darth Paper

My goodness, doesn't Chris Pine look exactly like a cute blonde asshole.

Woken up at ungodly hour by mother, who also had to go to work. Refused to wake up and went back to bed for another hour.


Arrived at work in time. Spent all day entombed in little library, looking through stacks of paper heavy enough to knock out bigfoot and his cousin. Did not find much relevant documents. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.


Working at lawfirm increasing violent tendencies. While reading affidavit, fervently hoped that defendants will run into Jack Bauer-like pain for being such useless human beings. Feel gravely disappointed in humanity. Need antidepressants. Sadly, clear copies of Star Trek have yet to appear.


Went home and watched first half hour of Star Wars: Attack of the Clones. Couldn't bring myself to finish watching because too boring and irritated with Jedi stupidity.

#1 Temporary Trials - The Paper Detective

I wish all lawyers looked like Hugh Dancy, but then I wouldn't

be able to pay attention. Or do any work. Or breathe.

Today was (actual) first day of work. Arrived at 8.40, believing work began at 8.30.
Information in the form of questioning a co-worker revealed work starts at 8. AM.
Oops.
Finally saw new chambering student. Said a little prayer in thanks that he does not look like a toad.


Was put to work searching for documents for a case. Apparently some originals had gone missing. Felt very Lord Peter Wimsey a la The Documents in the Case, albeit more paperish.
After three hours in freezing temperatures and a set of purple fingernails, felt more like a very unfortunate Watson. Or a polar bear. A naked polar bear.
Did not manage to find all the receipts either.
Hmm.


Went home at 5 pm with intention to watch Street Kings, because found out yesterday Keanu Reeves, Chris Evans and Hugh Laurie are all in it. Together.
Too tired to do anything but laze around.
Fail.

Moon Bloodgood

The live action movie for Blood is coming out in June.

This post isn't really about Moon Bloodgood. I just think her name is pretty awesome. It's like being named Kitty Ittybitty, except kickass.

I watched Terminator: Salvation.

So this is the plot outline (SERIOUS SPOILERS. IN FACT, I'M TELLING YOU EVERYTHING):
Marcus Wright, a criminal, is given a second chance (remember that, because they are going to use it as an excuse for Fantastic Racism) by Dr. Helena Bonham-Carter (looking less hot than usual). Why exactly signing up to become a lab rat is considered a second chance is beyond me.

John Connor and Co break into a SkyNet facility. Steal info. Find human prisoners. Everyone is blown up, except of course, John Connor.

Resistance Command tells Connor they have found a frequency that shuts down Terminators. Humanity is Saved! (but because it wasn't Connor who figured it out, you know it's going to fail). Connor finds out he has to save his dad-to-be, Kyle Reese.

Wright pops out of the desert, hooks up with Kyle, blows up a 20-storey Terminator and some Motorminators (I kid you not) and then loses Kyle. All the while looking pretty trim in his (stolen) trench coat.
And by trim, I mean sexy.

Wright then hooks up with Moon Bloodgood. Her character's name is so blah compared to her real name, I won't use it. They head to Connor's hideout, because Wright wants to rescue Kyle. He saves her life. He looks really nice in a t-shirt too.
And by nice, I mean sexy.

Our humourless, characterless and unsympathetic hero Connor strings Wright up when they find that he isn't totally human. He has a beating heart, but a motherboard installed in his brain. Wright believes he is human. Bloodgood, like any woman would, has fallen for Wright and his mysterious but kind ways. Also his cute butt. They bust out.

Connor finds Wright, but makes a deal. Wright helps him into SkyNet Central, and they bust Kyle out of there. Everyone's happy. Command then orders a hit on SkyCentral using their superfrequency waves. Connor disagrees. In a forced moment to show how much everyone loves Connor, because the audience sure as heck don't, several resistance fronts refuse to hit unless Connor gives the word.

Wright continues on his quest to discover who he is. The half robot look is not so charming on him.
By not so charming, I mean exactly that.

Wright gets in, gives Connor the location and gets kidnapped by SkyNet. While Connor is beaten to a pulp by naked Arnold Schwarzenegger while protecting Kyle, Wright goes on a journey of self-discovery. He has nice eyes. He's also possibly the only character in this movie with something approaching a personality. He pulls out his SkyNet chip and vows to help Connor.

They beat Arnie, but Connor is stabbed. Uh, like anyone cares. Using Connor's idea, they blow up SkyCentral before coptering off (Command blew themselves up with the frequency btw. Told you).

Apparently Connor will die without a heart. Cue audience rolling their eyes. Wright offers his heart, despite the fact that he had just found his humanity, fallen in love and proven to everyone what an all-round more useful and loving person he is in comparison to John Wangster over there.
And Connor, being the douche he is, accepts it.

The end.

1) What the hell were the people being kidnapped for anyway? Target practice?

2) Connor wouldn't even have bothered trying to save those people if his father-to-be wasn't among them, the sanctimonious prick.

3) Where does the Resistance practice their flying?

4) It's not okay for Connor to die, but it's okay for them to rip the heart out of a willing man just because he's half machine? What? They wouldn't allow that to happen to a human, unless said human was on the verge of dying. Androids have rights too.

#0 Temporary Trials

First day of work. Woke up at 7 something (am, ok? AM) to get ready.

Arrived at work before boss. Spent about an hour gossipping with former co-workers before Mum calls to inform me that I start work on Monday because boss is still in KL.

Wonder if God is laughing at me. Went home. Slept. Watched Terminator:Salvation. Watched Mamma Mia (again). Blogged.

Castiel Castiel Castiel

Behold, Castiel, Angel of Serious Hotness

This is what I have achieved this past few weeks:

1. watched all of Austin Powers movies (thanks, brother).
2. cooked an actual meal.
3. baked 3 cakes.
4. watched 26 episodes of Bleach.
5. bathed my cat.
6. watched several seasons of CSI and CSI: New York.
7. watched Push because of Chris Evans.
8. watched Tales of the Black Freighter, which is a ripoff. It should be 15-minute Tale of the Delusional Captain.
9. watched half of Supernatural season 5.
10. Castiel.

How did I exist without Supernatural before this? How did I face the world without knowing Castiel? How? It seems inconceivable. But I guess that word isn’t what I think it means (and if you can figure out which movie that’s from, buy yourself a lollipop, extra large).

Castiel, see, is the guy who pulled Dean out of hell. And yet, no one is very grateful to him (typical).

Poor dude. No wonder he looks so fricking miserable all the time. Which is part of his charm.

Although some people (since I’m at home, that would be limited to my mum) think that he looks pathetic and scruffy.

Well! If I was a an angel with doubts and God didn’t care, and the humans I keep saving don’t give a shit, I wouldn’t look like Mary Sunshine either! And if my partner was an asshat who kept trying to kill the human I went to so much trouble to save, plus if I had to kill my boss because I was told to, I wouldn’t be walking around looking like James Bond! I would walk around looking like Castiel.

Anyway.

The point I’m trying to make is that Castiel is so incredibly, depressingly cute.

He looks so worried all the time. His spiky hair makes him look about 21. His noir-detective shirt and beige trenchcoat are always sad looking. He looks like he’s too tired to shave more than once in two days.

I know, I know. He sounds like someone suffering from Major Depression. But he’s hot, so it’s okay for him to be psychologically afflicted.

Oh, and ohmygod, the actor who plays him is incredible. Seriously. He used the word euphemistically in an interview. I think I’m in love.

Ryan Conferido

Ryan would never yell for a girl to drop her hair out the window.

As a hairdresser, he'd understand the damage that would do to the follicles.

Today I was reading Jack and the Beanstalk and Other Stories (the illustrated version) when I realized I was Rapunzel.

Yep.

The long haired one, stuck in a tower with no sanitation and a psychotic witch for a guardian. Those things are, of course, not the things I have in common with her.

The reason why I am Rapunzel is because we share a common flaw. Our taste in men. Our standards are low at best, and non-existent otherwise.

Rapunzel is this longhaired, magically endowed hottie, cursed to sit in a tower because she is so incredibly beautiful that the insane witch who traded her from her parents didn’t want her to ever leave. In the tower, I assume she has nothing better to do except think deep philosophical thoughts about God and the meaning of life and the creation, and I bet she reads a lot too, not to mention all the knitting and weaving and chore-doing the witch would have made her do. So I figure she’s pretty smart, and talented.

So who ends up being the required prince charming for Rapunzel? Some guy who comes around her window, screaming at her to drop her hair down because he’s too lazy to use the stairs.

Asshole.

And he does this again and again.

Does it ever occur to him to defeat the evil witch and save Rapunzel from her unsanitary conditions? Nope. He’s happy taking her for granted and using her head as an anchor.

Does he ever think that maybe the next time he climbs up her hair he should bring a ladder so that both of them can climb down? Nope. He’s happy keeping her in that convenient tower, away from his wife and fifteen kids.

Does it ever occur to her to tell him to get lost? Nope.

So he’s selfish and he takes her for granted. That’s not even the best part.

When the witch finds out, she cuts off Rapunzel’s hair, tricks the prince and pushes him off the tower, into a bunch of brambles, causing him to go completely blind and therefore rendering the already useless prince completely redundant. Why? Because after the prince blindly prances off, Rapunzel escapes by herself.

By. Her. Self.

The prince was of no use whatsoever.

In fact, after awhile, Rapunzel actually stumbles upon him wandering around aimlessly because he’s blind and too arrogant to ask people to teach him Braille so that he can get a proper job, and she saves his ass by dragging him off and them living happily ever after on the evil witches vegetable farm. And of course because he’s blind she gets to do all the farmwork.

Moral of story: You should have thrown him off the tower after the first time.