I Just Wanna Feel, Real Love

I am reading Slap Me Why Don't You, and felt inspired to have my own little rant.

In my line of work, I deal with highly educated people. You know those types - sometimes arrogant, obnoxious, even pretentious. In a way I feel they earned the right to be proud of their achievements. But one thing is that they are very rarely rude. And I don't think that even if you're the President of the United States would you have earned the right to be rude to any human being (or living thing, including bunnies; they have feelings too).

So today I had to call a few highly educated people to confirm with them about an email interview. They were all very pleasant and polite. Then I came to the last lady.

Me: Is this Ms XXX?

Ms XXX: Yes, this is Ms XXX talking.

Me: Hi, I'm Samantha from TTT. We're doing an article on ZZZ and they gave us your number to contact. Do you mind doing an email interview for us?

Ms XXX: Oh, I already gave my details to Ms Etc from ZZZ.

Me: Yes, but we need you to do an interview and answer -

Ms XXX: Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ? Because I already gave my details to her. Can't you ask her?

Me: No, I'm not...Pardon me?

Ms XXX (impatiently): I've already talked to Ms Etc from ZZZ. You know Ms Etc from ZZZ? Can you ask her instead? I gave my details already. Are you Ms Etc from ZZZ?

Me: (what? I already told you who I was and where I was from when YOU PICKED UP THE PHONE. Also, you think what, people can write article just with your phone number and email is it? Can unlock secrets is it with that info?) No, I'm Samantha from TTT. You gave your details, but we need you to do an email interview -

Ms XXX: Interview? How about the others? What did they say?

Me: They've already agreed.

Ms XXX: So when do you want to interview us? I'm very busy you know. I don't know if I'm free.

Me: It's an email interview (as I had previously mentioned a gazillion times). I'll send it to you today, and you can take your time filling it up and send it to me on Friday.

Ms XXX: FRIDAY?? That's too soon. I won't have time to do it.

Me: There's only ten -

Ms XXX: Aiyo, it's too rushed. When is the last time that I can give it to you? Can you go and ask your editor when is the last date? Because I really don't think that is enough time to do an interview.

Me: WTHECK IS WRONG WITH YOU????I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO WRITE YOUR LIFE STORY AND SEND IT TO ME LA WOMAN!!!HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO ANSWER TEN QUESTIONS???YOUR KEYBOARD MADE OF CROCODILES IS IT??YOU DON'T WANT TO ANSWER SOME OF THEM ALSO FINE.

Nolah, what I said was this: I think probably Monday is the latest, as we are going to print next week.

Ms XXX (impatiently): I don't think that is enough time. I can only get back to you next week with the answers. That's a lot to write. You know what, you send me the email and then I'll look at it la. If I feel like it, then I'll answer it.

Me: Sure. That's great. Thanks very much and may warts grow on your grave.

I hung up.

IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT. WAISEHMEN like that also can. If you don't want to means say don't want la. Want to bargain time with me some more. My grandfather's newspaper is it?

After that I asked my editor if we could leave her out because she was such a pain.

Frigging Bounders

I used to think of bunnies as the Lame Pets. Pets for people who couldn't deal with the awesomeness of cats and dogs (but mostly cats). It was like the Tofu Pup of Meat Products - a sad excuse for a pet. A not-real pet.

But last Friday, this changed. I had promised myself a pet once my mum and brother moved down from Kuching (had a gag reflex just typing that word). I can't keep a cat here, so I had to turn to smaller, less lovable (or so I thought) alternatives.

I considered Hedgehogs (pokey), Ferrets (expensive), Hamsters (too small), Sugar Gliders (wtf.seriously.wtf kind of a pet is that), and Guinea Pigs. And also rabbits. For awhile hedgies were #1. Sort of like because they were 'cool' pets - uncommon yet cute. But the fact was I wanted a pettable pet.

While checking out hedgehogs at one pet shop, I saw this ginger rabbit in a cage. It was quite big la. But it was really cute! And it was ginger! I have a soft spot for gingers, partly because supposedly ginger hair runs in my family, but the last ginger in the family was an uncle. And then nothing. Also because ginger haired animals are just so cool looking.

GINGER ATTACK!! Bring on the satay sticks.

So after that, I started checking out bunnies. After all, bunnies were a good substitute for cats (or any pet) (or any other hole in your life).

Reasons Why Bunnies Are A Good Pet Choice

#1 They're basically mute
#2 They can't puke
#2 They live in cages
#4 They're incredibly low maintenance
#5 They need you
#6 They're friggin cute
#7 Really really cute

Really, really, really cute

At first I figured I was okay with any type of bunny - I'd know when I saw the bunny I wanted. But practicality prevailed, and we narrowed it down to several smaller types of bunns - Hotot, Netherland, and Lop.

Personally, I think Lops are kind of sad looking, dragging their too-long ears here and there, like a bride who missed her wedding. Hotots and Netherlanders are sweeter looking. By sweeter I mean they're so freaking adorable you want to smoosh them between your hands when you pick them up.

Sadly, Dwarf bunnies cost about 350-450 RM. I wasn't willing to fork out that amount of cash for a bunny (it's not even a cat! plus I'd been adopting all my cats from the SPCA). So, with a heavy heart, I thought oh well, beli je lah bunny mane-mane yang comel.

On my Bunny Quest, I dragged Greg to the petshop at Ikano during lunch, and lo and behold, there were two dwarf bunnies selling for 150 RM each!! (note: many 'dwarf' bunnies sold at petshops aren't true dwarfs - they'll grow bigger than the average dwarf bunny, but smaller than the average average bunny).

In the evening I dragged Seth there and we decided to get both bunnies.
That's right. From zero bunnehs to two in one night.

And I have to say, they are the cutest little things I have ever seen. Ever. Including kittens (hah! but I still love cats).

Haih. So damn cute. How la. No choice...but to eat them both!!!

Always I Want To Be With You And Make Believe With You

A Travesty.

The Original People

Since I am a bit free, I want to fill this here empty space with a question that has been bothering me for awhile (about three days).

Why aren't the Orang Asli of Semenanjung given Bumiputera rights, but the Malays and the 'Natives' of Sabah and Sarawak get it?
('Natives' because even people who are 1/32 native like myself can get Bumi status).

Since I can't find any proper definition of what exactly Bumiputera rights are (aside from gross injustice etc etc), here's the Wikipedia link: Wiki Bumi link.

All this while, I had though we were existing in a sort of arena of benevolent negligence when it came to Orang Asli rights. I mean, obviously, since no one gives a flying fuck about them and what's happening in their society.

It's like, Oh yeah. Those poor Orang Asli. Fishing and building rope bridges deedlydeedlydoo thank goodness they can use the bumi quota to get into uni since many of them are too poor to get a proper tertiary education otherwise dumdeedumdeedoo now what shall I have for my overprivileged bumi lunch?

NOT.

I had no idea they were being repressed from their due rights.

And when I say DUE RIGHTS, I mean the rights any idiot would expect them to have, being, you know. Orang Asli. So what, there's only one type of Bumiputera allowed in every 'Part'? Like Sabah and Sarawak get Bumi rights for their natives, but the Malays usurp the Bumi rights of the Orang Asli in Semenanjung? I doubt it. There's hardly enough Orang Asli to constitute a threat.

"Based on a 1999 survey by the JHEOA show that 81.4 per cent of the Orang Asli live below the poverty line (compared to 8.5 per cent nationally). Of these, 49.9 per cent are among the very poor (compared to 2.5 per cent nationally)."

Because, if you hadn't noticed, they're busy being poor as churchmice. They're even poorer than the AVERAGE churchmice.

And you know what poverty means?
Crappy healthcare.
Crappy education (or none at all at a tertiary level).
Crappy opportunities.

And all this results in there being no one, or at least not enough people out there fighting for their rights, because no one is making other people aware of this.At least the Native Americans got a bunch of casinos and neverending beer. And a mention in a crappy multimillion dollar sparkly vampire franchise.

This would never happen to our Orang Asli because they don't even own this much stuff collectively.

What do our Orang Asli get?
Screwed over.

Fine, don't meddle with your precious constitution. I like having preferential treatment anyway (because I'm cheap).

But why don't you (and by you, I mean our errant government) take a bit of that frigging FIVE BILLION ringgit that you're going to spend on that concrete representation of penis envy, and give it to the Orang Asli? Eh? How about that?

Yeah, I know it'll be a few hundred thousand bucks out of coffee money for you, sorry about that. You'll have to wait for the next bribe load to pay off your childrens tuition at their poshy overseas university. Gimme a break. Sell off one of your BMWs and give the money to the real Bumis so that they can upgrade from a donkey cart to a bicycle.

See this car here?!! It is a symbol of corruption and...other horrible things...and. It's a very nice car isn't it? Very sexy. I forgot what I was saying.

A link:
Center For Orang Asli Concerns

PS. This is not, like, a political post or anything. Like, no way! I'm just a girly little girl, concerned about all those poor hut-living people with no flushing toilets.

True Marvels

I'm sure everyone watched Iron Man 2. The most important part of the movie was, of course, the appearance of Thor's hammer and Captain America's shield.
And Robert Downey Jr.

Therefore, it's no surprise that the Thor movie (with Natalie Portman. Side note: Why is Portman playing that nurse in Thor? I don't even remember her name. GIVE PORTMAN HER OWN SUPERHERO MOVIE. I suggest Domino. Or any other leatherclad character) and the Captain America movie is coming out.

But what's this?A Black Widow movie?
Wait a second. Didn't a lot of people (including myself) have a problem with Booblett Boobhansson playing the Russian spy? Didn't we originally want the lesser known but better talented Emily Blunt to be BW? And didn't every single thing I said about ScarJo's performance come true?

Of course it did. I am psychic.

Then I realised I was being unrealistic (and also kind of lame). In Hollywood, talent is often confused with other things. For example: drug addiction (River Phoenix), trashiness (Megan Fox), douchebaggery (Tom Cruise [except for Minority Report]) and assuming-your-audience-is-stupid (Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler).

In Scarlett's case, it's Boobs.
(I don't think I actually needed to type that out. But I had to make sure that the connection between Scarlett and her Boobs is clear).

Ah. I am so glad to have gotten that off my chest
*
*
*
*booooom tish!*

When they are so many more deserving Marvel characters than a minor Avengers heroine (anti-heroine? former villain? villoine?), I can only put forward the above explanation as to why this movie is even being made. It just so happens that Scarlett is playing her.

Yeah, we're really impressed with your boobs.
I meant martial arts skills.

She could have been any character, and it would not have made a difference. Despite portraying the least personality amongst all of the cast, she still gets her movie. But I think humanity has made it pretty clear - who needs personality when you can have Boobs! And Boobs in PVC too!

This is how I imagine the discussion of her movie went down.

ScarJo: I want a Black Widow movie.

Movie studio execs:

Yes.

In that case, I would suggest my favourite Avenger, Scarlet Witch, to be portrayed by Christina Hendricks to ensure that she gets her own movie.

And sequels. Possibly we can even squeeze a tv series in there.

Sukiyaki Study

Have you ever read a food blog? You know, the kind where they go and eat at wherever and then they talk about the food. Sedap ke tak. Servis baik ke tak. Got a lot of cute people or not. They write it down in their blogs to a bunch of drooling followers.

I kinda like to read food blogs la. But after awhile of reading, I realised dat dey all end up sounding sumting lyk dis ;). Srsly. Hw do u expect me 2 finis reding entry lik tat?

Then I, dengan megahnye, said, Ekeleh. I can write a better food blog than that! I am, after all, Captain Obvious and Grammar Nazi all in one delectable package! I can do no wrong with the written word!

(This is where the god of words spit on me, I think).

So I pergilah makan dekat this one Jap restaurant in Tropicana City Mall, with the aim of writing - sorry, not writing, blogging - about it. That and also I was craving meat. MEAT, THOU ART THE FRUIT OF LIFE!! Delicious and tender, sweet and comforting. Thou hath no rival in the world of fruit and vegetables!!Especially not tofu.

Why go to a Jap restaurant for meat? Why, have you not had their thinly sliced beef, grilled on that...stone thing. Or chunks of it, grilled? Or dipped, for only a few moments into boiling soup??No?? Great. Then now you have me drooling for no reason goddamnit.

Went there la (forgot the name of the place). Across from Artista, which is this awesome place for music and drinks. We ordered salmon sashimi and erm, some tuna chunks with this weird bean thing that smelled like a petrol nozzle threw up, and then a spider shat on it, because it had these funny fermented tendrils that stuck on your spoon when you tried to scoop it.

Mysterious bean thing.

Delicious slices of salmon. Wonder why cooked salmon never tastes as good.

That bean thing was like the height of our adventurousness la. So for the main meal he ordered soupy udon noodles (unless it was the other one), and I ordered Sukiyaki.

The main dish. Wink wink.

The whole time I ate, this was going through my head:

The charms of Sukiyaki,
The arms of Sukiyaki.
Are all I long for since I left old Nagasaki.

Ah, that Sukiyaki. Such a tease. My own Sukiyaki was delicious. And now I malas nak cakap dah about my dinner.

The most important part of my Sukiyaki. MEAT!

Anyway. I realised not everyone can be a food blogger la. You have to be pretty rajin, I think, to write about all the places you eat. I went to that Jap place about a month ago, and baru sekarang I terasa wanna write about it. Tsktsk. Also, you just have to like food. I like food, I do. Really. But I don't like it enough to feel inspired to write about it and describe in an appetising and scrumptious manner.

So I may be aware of proper grammar and sentence structure, but that doesn't make me a food blogger. It just makes me kind of a prick about other people's grammar.

I learned a valuable lesson because of this: I am not the god of words, despite whatever delusion I was labouring under. It's a setback for my plans of eventual world domination, but nevermind. I have a scientist friend who will no doubt succeed in her plans to take over the world and I can leech off her in the future.

Freeform Independence

The other day I went and volunteered at a soup kitchen.

I know, I know what you're thinking. Sam? Really? The one who stops at nearly every (nearly because Iylia stops at every) mirror to check her hair? Who won't go out with the wrong shoes or unmatching underwear (I actually do that quite often thanks)? Feeding the homeless?

Yes. Yes I was.
I followed PERTIWI Soup Kitchen (intro-ed by this blog) on Monday night. This is what I expected:

Masses of smelly people drooling at the sight of food. Unable to control their hunger and lack of hygiene, they push and shove and fight over the bowls of soup. Raving lunatics and druggies share the same breathing space, dependant on charity for food. Sad, wasted, demented people..

Seth: You mean you expected prostitutes waving AIDS-filled syringes in the air to come trampling after you?
Me: Yes! Exactly like that!!
Seth: (Rolls eyes)

It was nothing like that. It resembled that description the way Stephenie Meyer's writing resembled Jane Austen's: basic premise is similar, but execution is completely unrecognisable.
Yes, they were homeless. And yes, they were poor. Kot. I guess. I mean, they took the free food (which came in tidy little brown baggies), so I assume they needed it. Although there was this one tourist from Pakistan or something who took a free drink before realising it was for homeless people. Technically, tourists are homeless. Except they have money. And a place to stay back in their hometown.

So these homeless people, they look like completely normal people. No beards or braids down to their knees. They obviously had baths and haircuts, and clothes that were, on the most part, clean. If they weren't lining up for the food, I wouldn't have thought they were homeless. It was not as depressing as I thought it would be, to be honest. The lady in charge, Baidah, told us that some people just choose this way of life. Some of them can't change, or don't want to. Some just never have the opportunity to escape from it once they're in it.

I can't really say what they're doing is wrong, or that their life sucks. I can't say I pity them as much as I would, say, a poverty-stricken rape victim or an old man with alzheimers. Those people have no control over what has happened to them, and not much after that either. But these homeless, to a certain extent (excluding the obviously insane and mentally or physically or age handicapped ones), do have control over their future and themselves.

But what control do any of us really have over our life anyway? No point really thinking too much about it. Just do your good deeds and hope that God is keeping score (do I get an A for effort God? Huh? Do I? Do I?). I did it out of the kindness of my heart (honest!), despite what my friends say (what my friends said:

HRHing: except that
HRHing: i bet in that moment when you were helping
HRHing: your head was screaming "Don't TOUCH ME! PLEASE DON'T ROB ME!"

Lies, O Heavenly Father. Utter lies. They should know by now that's what I think about everyone).