Geek Crush

^
Serinda Swan
(picture courtesy of some fansite I swiped off google)
If you didn't recognise the background from this image, it's a still from one of the recent Tron: Legacy trailers.
Which I am pretty sure exactly none of you have seen.
Anyway.
She's hotter than Olivia Wilde because she has boobs and Spanish blood.
She was also Zatanna Zatara in Smallville.
knil ereh.

All Technology is Morally Neutral, unlike myself

Did you know that William Gibson coined the term Cyberspace in Neuromancer?
Of course you don't. I read the book and I didn't know it either.

Anyway. I always did want to be a writer.
I also wanted to be a marine biologist, diplomat, children's book illustrator, criminal psychologist and veterinarian, but hey. Not everyone can be Natalie Portman.

Why?

We might kiss when we are alone
When nobody's watching
We might take it home
We might make out when nobody's there
It's not that we're scared
It's just that it's delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

We might live like never before
When there's nothing to give
Well how can we ask for more
We might make love in some sacred place
The look on your face is delicate

So why do you fill my sorrow
With the words you've borrowed
From the only place you've known
And why do you sing Hallelujah
If it means nothing to you
Why do you sing with me at all?

Delicate
Damien Rice

I Was Never Like This ( I Was Shorter)

Ben: Hey, is there a race of Blackanese?
Me: What?
Ben: Blackanese. Are they real?
Me: What in God's name are you talking about?
Ben: I saw it on Rush Hour.You know when Chris Rock blablablabla (tuned out in disbelief)
Me: ...Rush Hour? Why are you asking anyway? Did you...actually CALL SOMEONE A BLACKANESE???
Ben: NO.
Me: Then?
Ben: Is it real or not?
Me: OF COURSE NOT YOU RACIST.
Ben: I'm not racist. It's not? Darn.
Me: WHY DARN?
Ben: I called a cat Blackanese.

*

Ben: Hey, is B-O-R-D an acceptable word for Scrabble?
Me: No. Didn't you learn how to spell? It's B-O-R-E-D or B-O-A-R-D.
Ben: No, no. BORG. B-O-R-G. Resistance is futile.

*

Ben: I want a waterbed.
Me: Waterbeds are expensive.
Ben: What? No they're not. They're like plastic bags filled with water. And then you sleep on them.
Me:...why don't you Google what a waterbed is.
Ben: Can you get them in KL?
Me: I don't know.
Ben: Why don't you Google it?
Me: Why don't you, smartass.
Ben: Fine. I love you. Bye. I'm cooler than you are.
Me: I'm cooler than you!
Ben: In your dreams!
Me: I'm ten years cooler than you are!
Ben: Nine years!
Me: Ten!
Ben: Nine!
Me: No wonder you're failing maths.

Instrument of Kind Magic

It's funny how something I am bad at can make me feel better.

It has taken me months to learn 4 chords, about half of the chords of the song Hallelujah.

Little by little, I can hear the shape of the song forming through my fingers. I feel the satisfaction of creation, just as I had with baking.

I am making something beautiful (although, this time, unedible).

I hold the guitar as if it were a tool, wrestle with it as if it were my enemy. Yet every sound it makes, whether choked through my hands or teased out gently, is pleasant. I feel as if I am under the most comfortable spell.

When a chord I play is wrong, I don't feel the same frustration as with other things, other situations. There is no feeling of inevitable failure, of overwhelming disappointment.

I expect nothing from the guitar. In return, it expects nothing from me.

I feel as if my days would not be wasted if I spent them playing the guitar badly.

If I ever grow up, I want to be Jack Johnson.

Which would ensure that I never grow up.

Utility

Hari tu, aku pergi 1U. Aku berniat nak beli tali pinggang (bukan untuk aku).
Masalah pertama yang aku sedari adalah: aku tak pernah beli tali pinggang untuk lelaki sebelum ni (beli masa krismas untuk suadara tu tak kira lah).
So aku fikir, kat mana ada jual tali pinggang? Rasanya kat tempat yang jual tali leher ada tak jual tali pinggang?
Malangnya, disebabkan aku tak pernah masuk kedai yang jual tali leher, aku tak boleh menjawab soalan tersebut.
Aku pun cuba mengingati kembali all those times yang aku ikut cousin atau kawan lelaki aku pergi shopping. Yang aku ingat hanya sekali tu, bila Jo nak beli jaket Puma dia dan telah mengheret aku menerusi 4 shopping malls dalam satu hari (masa tu aku pun tertanya tentang inclination dia). Aku hanya pergi kedai Puma. So, tak boleh guna.
Kedai jeans mesti ada tali pinggang kan? Kalau tak, ikut fesyen sekarang seluar laki semua jatuh kat lantai kot.
Kedai jeans yang aku kenal: Levi's.
...
Pull and Bear?
...
Apa yang aku tau? Aku cuma tau Forever, MNG, Cotton On, Topshop. Tapi Topshop ada Topman.
Aku pun pergi mengeksplorasi kedai-kedai yang aku rasa akan menjual tali pinggang lelaki (aku betul).
Akhirnya aku membeli tali pinggang (bangga).
Masa aku re-check resit aku sedar...bahawa tali pinggang ada saiz.
Kau tau tak tali pinggang ada saiz?
Sebab aku tak tau.

Kau tau tak Batman's Utility Belt hanya ada satu saiz.
Saiz itu adalah Bruce Wayne.

Autobots, stop falling on the phonelines

The other day, my wireless stopped working.
I felt like the world had ended.
If you are laughing, then I assume you don't live in Cyber, have a car and a healthy internet connection.
Sucks to you, by the way.

So, like any good customer, I called TMnet.
I called them four times.

Call #1

Auto voice: bla bla bla press 1 etc irrelevant details. Enter your area code, tmnet line and press hash.
Me: Hey Jun, what's our area code?
Jun: Huh? What? Uh uh...I don't know. Area code? Erm.
Auto voice: You have entered invalid data. Bleep bleep bleep. Bleep.

Phoneline is disconnected.

Call #2

Auto voice: bla bla bla -
Jun: Wait, I know.

2 minutes later

Jun: Here, there's a human being on the other end.
Me: Awesome. Hello?
TMnet Human: Hello bla bla TMnet bla bla help you?
Me: Yeah. Our wireless isn't working.
TMnet Human: bla bla bla bla
Me: What?
TMnet Human: bla bla bla phoneline.
Me: Huh?

TMnet Human: Your phoneline sucks. Would you like to lodge a service report on your phoneline?

Me: No!

TMnet Human: bla bla bla phoneline.
Me: Huh?

TMnet Human: Plug the goddamn phone directly into your goddamn wall socket, you bloddy retard.

Phoneline is disconnected.

Call #3

Auto voice: bla bla bla -
Me: Cursing TMnet in the deepest dredges of my cheery, rainbow-filled soul.
TMnet Human: Hello! bla bla bla -
Me: Yeah, my wireless is not working.
TMnet Human: Hmm. Okay. Bla bla bla switch on your laptop and do this this this
Me: Thank god!
TMnet Human: Okay? And then you -

Phoneline is disconnected.

Call #4

Auto voice: WE ARE DECEPTICONS, COME TO TAKE OVER YOUR DINKY, OILY PLANET! AHAHAHA!
Me: I FRICKING KNEW IT!!!!
Auto voice: YOU HAVE NO ESCAPE! YOU WILL BE SQUISHED LIKE FLEAS! WHEN THEY ARE CAUGHT! OR WHEN THEY FALL OFF YOUR DOG FROM THE FLEA POISON AND WRITH ON THE FLOOR, AWAITING DEATH!!
Me: OH YEAH??!!....I LIKE CATS BETTER!
Auto voice: DAMN YOU CAT LOVERS, RUINING OUR NEFARIOUS PLANS!!!

Yeah. I wish.

TMnet Human: Bla bla bla bla blinking lights bla bla bla what is the name of your modem?
Me: Huh?
TMnet Human: The name of your modem
Me: Gives name of modem
TMnet Human: Ahh okay hmm ermmm so we'll get back to you either tomorrow or in two days time with your new modem
Me:....There's something wrong with the modem?
TMnet Human: Yes
Me: You can't fix it from there?
TMnet Human: No
Me: I have to survive FOR ONE DAY WITHOUT THE INTERNET???
TMnet Human: Uh. Yes.
Me: Fine. Okay. Bye.
TMnet Human: Uh. Bye.