On the 24th, we were preparing for my Mum and bro to come down to KL. We then realised a very big problem (actually I've always known about it): I am retarded at directions.
Me (after several fruitless attempts trying to understand directions): I admit I am utterly lacking in the directions department.
Seth: You aren't lacking. Lacking implies some of it actually existing. You don't have it. Nothing. Nil.
Me: Fine! My directions department is non-existant!
After that conversation, this occured:
Seth: Okay, what we'll do is. I drop you off, you hop over to your mum's and you give her directions to the dim sum place.
Me: Stares at him blankly
Seth: *sigh* Okay, you know the highway that we always use to go back to your place? You just follow it...
Me: Stares at him blankly
Seth: I'm going to cry.
Now, whose fault is that? It's like expecting a duck to speak Latin. I mean, you know it's a duck right. It's not the duck's fault!
But with intense directions, I eventually managed to show my Mum the way.
*
My brother is now nurturing an interest in football. He then asked me what team I support.
Not bothering to watch any football for the last four years, and under fear of admitting to be an MU supporter, I instead said I supported whichever team had Ryan Giggs in it.
Ben: He's never even scored a goal.
Me: Yes he has!!! He's the best winger ever (ten years ago)!!
Ben: He's old. He won't be around much longer.
Me: That doesn't matter, he's already been offered to be coach for Wales!
Ben: Wales? Is that even a club?
Me: It's a country.
Ben: He's...Walish?
Me: Welsh!
Ben: Ha ha ha ha...Whalish!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
I Want a Pterodactyl for Christmas
On a lighter note.
My boss is so awesome that during the office dinner he announced that there'd be no work on the 23rd.
He gave us a day off, effectively facing me with a four day weekend.
CHRISTMAS!!!!!1111oneone
My boss is so awesome that during the office dinner he announced that there'd be no work on the 23rd.
He gave us a day off, effectively facing me with a four day weekend.
CHRISTMAS!!!!!1111oneone
Revulsion
Recently I have been plagued by a weirdo who keeps showing up in lifts whenever I use them and insists on having conversations with me despite the fact that I am obviously terrified and repulsed by his existence.
Now, I really can't stand people like this because they fall into the category of People Who Are Full of Shit.
People Who Are Full of Shit
1. People who cheat
2. People who lie
3. People who are constantly covering their asses
4. Fanatics
5. People who love Edward Cullen
6. People who talk to people who obviously don't want to talk to them, and purposely incur gross trespass into other people's comfort zone, thus showing how little they respect others.
Hey jackass. If I'm trying not to talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm shy. It means I want you to leave me alone. Just because you're bigger than me and give me nightmares thanks to my own paranoia doesn't mean I have to be nice to you.
Also, stop bumping into me at the lift, you freak! I don't care if you have to walk up 18 floors if you stop using the lift. Your presence makes my skin crawl.
ps. If anything happens to me, look for a massive black dude with a disgusting white growth on the side of his face who says his name is Raymond.
Now, I really can't stand people like this because they fall into the category of People Who Are Full of Shit.
People Who Are Full of Shit
1. People who cheat
2. People who lie
3. People who are constantly covering their asses
4. Fanatics
5. People who love Edward Cullen
6. People who talk to people who obviously don't want to talk to them, and purposely incur gross trespass into other people's comfort zone, thus showing how little they respect others.
Hey jackass. If I'm trying not to talk to you, it doesn't mean I'm shy. It means I want you to leave me alone. Just because you're bigger than me and give me nightmares thanks to my own paranoia doesn't mean I have to be nice to you.
Also, stop bumping into me at the lift, you freak! I don't care if you have to walk up 18 floors if you stop using the lift. Your presence makes my skin crawl.
ps. If anything happens to me, look for a massive black dude with a disgusting white growth on the side of his face who says his name is Raymond.
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Be A Shallow Person Day
Yesterday was Be A Pterodactyl Day
As today cannot possibly be as inspired as yesterday, it is a shitty day.
So I will make a bitchy list.
Two, in fact.
The first will be 5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists.
The second will be 5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists, But You Have No Idea Why They Are There.
1. Natalie Portman
2. Natalie Portman
See? Gorgeous riiight?
2. Rachel Bilson
Oh hai! I have a bobble head and am on/off engaged to Anakin Skywalker. I also like to prance around in designer wear despite being jobless and talentless. I guess these gives me a spot on Those Beauty Lists for some obscure reason. Nothing whatsoever to do with actually being beautiful. 
If these lists were a competition for Irish Setters, I would understand why she is on them.
I actually have no problem with her. I just feel that she's on these lists because she made a movie decades ago named 'Pretty Woman' and for some reason everyone started thinking she's pretty.
When she isn't.
5. Jennifer Aniston
When inanimate objects like potato sacks start making the Most Beautiful Lists, you know that our standard of superficial beauty has dropped to an all time low.
Because its gender has so far been indeterminate, I am putting it on this list because I am sick of seeing it on Most Beautiful Lists when it is clearly doing a very lame job of being an attractive human who can sing.
As today cannot possibly be as inspired as yesterday, it is a shitty day.
So I will make a bitchy list.
Two, in fact.
The first will be 5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists.
The second will be 5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists, But You Have No Idea Why They Are There.
5 People Who Should Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists
1. Natalie Portman
She's gorgeous, talented and smart. Also, beautiful. Almost perfect-looking, actually.
2. Natalie Portman
See? Gorgeous riiight?3. Natalie Portman
Just to make sure that people take note.
Just to make sure that people take note.4. Emily Blunt
She should have been Black Widow! Not Boob On A Stick over there.
She should have been Black Widow! Not Boob On A Stick over there.5. Megan Fox
Oh please. Yes, she's skanky. Yes, she's slutty. Also possibly brainless. So? She's still pretty right?
Oh please. Yes, she's skanky. Yes, she's slutty. Also possibly brainless. So? She's still pretty right?
5 People Who Always Show Up On Those Beauty Lists But You Have No Idea Why They Are There
1. Katy Perry
The reason why she keeps getting voted into these things is because no one is actually looking at her face.
2. Rachel Bilson
Oh hai! I have a bobble head and am on/off engaged to Anakin Skywalker. I also like to prance around in designer wear despite being jobless and talentless. I guess these gives me a spot on Those Beauty Lists for some obscure reason. Nothing whatsoever to do with actually being beautiful.3. Keira Knightley
I really can't stand Keira Knightley. The feeling I have for her, in fact, is probably close to hate. I cannot watch any movie she's in without mocking her constipated performance after that. I always felt she rode on the wave of 'Natalie Portman Lookalike' without actually having to be as good an actress.
All she does is pout throughout her movies, and act like she's some kind of hot smartass. I hate people like that in real life, and therefore I hate people who act those kind of roles.
All she does is pout throughout her movies, and act like she's some kind of hot smartass. I hate people like that in real life, and therefore I hate people who act those kind of roles.
Especially if it is the only role they act in, therefore not making it a role anymore, but the actor's actual personality aka inability to act.
Basically, whatever. I hate her guts so much I didn't put up a picture and would throw iguana poo at her if I ever had the misfortune of meeting her.
4. Julia Roberts
4. Julia Roberts
If these lists were a competition for Irish Setters, I would understand why she is on them.I actually have no problem with her. I just feel that she's on these lists because she made a movie decades ago named 'Pretty Woman' and for some reason everyone started thinking she's pretty.
When she isn't.
5. Jennifer Aniston
When inanimate objects like potato sacks start making the Most Beautiful Lists, you know that our standard of superficial beauty has dropped to an all time low.Honorable Mention
Justin Bieber
Because its gender has so far been indeterminate, I am putting it on this list because I am sick of seeing it on Most Beautiful Lists when it is clearly doing a very lame job of being an attractive human who can sing.
Disclaimer: I am basing this purely on looks. I don't care that Julia Roberts is very classy or that Katy Perry has a heart of gold or whatever. They're not beautiful. So they should not be on these lists. Also, they are all women. Because I think it's weird to call a guy beautiful.
I didn't even bother listing Sarah Jessica Parker because everyone knows what a joke that is.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Max von Kill
Yesterday Seth got me my first Christmas present. It is a unicorn. Not just any unicorn, but the unicorn I had been begging him to get ever since I laid eyes upon it on our fateful walk through One Utama.
I know I shouldn't talk about it, it being a Christmas present and all, but Unicorn and I are well on the way to solidifying a bond that will last eternities.
I tried to convince Seth to be a part of this bond as well, but he resisted all my attempts.
Me: Unicorns make everything so happy!
Unicorn*: Sethhh! I liiiike yewww Sethhhh. Whyy don't yeww like meee? (paws flirtatiously at Seth)
Me: You've hurt Unicorn's feelings, see. How could you be so cruel? Unicorns are creatures of light and happiness!
Unicorn: Ownerr! I love yewww Owner!!
Seth: You are insane. And give me that unicorn.
Me: Nooooo!
Unicorn: Nooooooo!
Seth: Takes Unicorn away from Owner. *Gasp!*. What will happen to poor Unicorn in the unsympathetic clutches of a non-believer?
Later
Me (whispering): Unicorn! We can no longer speak freely in the presence of the man-thing!
Unicorn: I hattte mans!!!
Me: But I feel like we should both be able to love you!
Super Magical Unicorn Flower Rainbow Starlight Makeover
Unicorn (in macho voice): Helloooo Sethhhh. I am Max von Kill von UniGore!!11oneone. I pwn n00bs. Now that I ammm macho and have l337 skillss, we can be the besttt of friendssssss!
Me: This will be such a successful endeavour!
Seth: Go away.
Unicorn: Nooo!! I amm macho unicorn!! Rejection makesss me sad! I need to eat some faiiiiry dust and tormented children's soulsss to return to my previous state of fantastically epic awesomeness!!
Me: See what you have done?? You have unleashed the hunger of a depressed unicorn upon the world!!!
Seth: Ignoring you.
As you can see, my attempts were unsuccessful. This was merely because Unicorn was a Unicorn and not a Manticore.
Isn't Max von Kill an amazing name for a pet? Here is a little story about that name:
Previous to the Unicorn Story
Me: If we have a dog, we should name it Max von Kill!!!111
Seth: Why?
Me: Because it is the most awesome dog name ever! Anushia my co-worker came up with it!
Seth: No.
Me: Why not?
Seth: I want a Rottweiler named Buttercup.
Although that story is not actually relevant to how the name Max von Kill came about, I thought I'd just put it in there.
*Unicorn was, in fact, voiced by me. Despite it's vast magical powers, it still required a human conduit to put to words the thoughts that it telepathically made known to me. The voice is very similar to that of Charlie's friends in this video.
I know I shouldn't talk about it, it being a Christmas present and all, but Unicorn and I are well on the way to solidifying a bond that will last eternities.
I tried to convince Seth to be a part of this bond as well, but he resisted all my attempts.
Me: Unicorns make everything so happy!
Unicorn*: Sethhh! I liiiike yewww Sethhhh. Whyy don't yeww like meee? (paws flirtatiously at Seth)
Me: You've hurt Unicorn's feelings, see. How could you be so cruel? Unicorns are creatures of light and happiness!
Unicorn: Ownerr! I love yewww Owner!!
Seth: You are insane. And give me that unicorn.
Me: Nooooo!
Unicorn: Nooooooo!
Seth: Takes Unicorn away from Owner. *Gasp!*. What will happen to poor Unicorn in the unsympathetic clutches of a non-believer?
Later
Me (whispering): Unicorn! We can no longer speak freely in the presence of the man-thing!
Unicorn: I hattte mans!!!
Me: But I feel like we should both be able to love you!
Super Magical Unicorn Flower Rainbow Starlight Makeover
Unicorn (in macho voice): Helloooo Sethhhh. I am Max von Kill von UniGore!!11oneone. I pwn n00bs. Now that I ammm macho and have l337 skillss, we can be the besttt of friendssssss!
Me: This will be such a successful endeavour!
Seth: Go away.
Unicorn: Nooo!! I amm macho unicorn!! Rejection makesss me sad! I need to eat some faiiiiry dust and tormented children's soulsss to return to my previous state of fantastically epic awesomeness!!
Me: See what you have done?? You have unleashed the hunger of a depressed unicorn upon the world!!!
Seth: Ignoring you.
As you can see, my attempts were unsuccessful. This was merely because Unicorn was a Unicorn and not a Manticore.
Isn't Max von Kill an amazing name for a pet? Here is a little story about that name:
Previous to the Unicorn Story
Me: If we have a dog, we should name it Max von Kill!!!111
Seth: Why?
Me: Because it is the most awesome dog name ever! Anushia my co-worker came up with it!
Seth: No.
Me: Why not?
Seth: I want a Rottweiler named Buttercup.
Although that story is not actually relevant to how the name Max von Kill came about, I thought I'd just put it in there.
*Unicorn was, in fact, voiced by me. Despite it's vast magical powers, it still required a human conduit to put to words the thoughts that it telepathically made known to me. The voice is very similar to that of Charlie's friends in this video.
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