Tell Me It Ain't Cute

Dear Mr Fillion,

I think you're pretty awesome (in a non-fangirl way).
When you were in Buffy as the Brother who poked Xander's eye out, I remembered your creepy but righteous performance.
In Firefly, you were supercool as Captain Mal (just a side note, as I was re-watching several episodes the other day: What happened to Sean Maher? Because he is really a very really good looking man. Really. It seems a waste for such a handsome actor to fall of the face of acting. Maybe you could say hi to him for me? Maybe if you passed me his number, I could do it myself, you wouldn't have to trouble yourself...Anyway. I was just curious).
When Dr Horrible's Singalong Blog came out, I was ecstatic to find you in it - together with the amazing Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day (Felicia Day is awesome and funny!), despite the fact that you played a douchebag superhero (which you did very well!).
And then the Serenity movie - if you could say hi to Summer Glau as well? I would be indebted....

Anywhoo. You were in Desperate Housewives after that (WHAT WAS WRONG WITH YOU???EWWWWWWWWWWWWWW), but I forgive you (because of all of the above).

[This walk down memory lane is really just so I can talk about Castle Season 1 and 2 la. Most of you guys (I count 2 of you, including myself) don't know who awesome Mr Fillion is. So I must clarify how awesome he is.]

I've just finished watching Castle. Both seasons. And I have to say I am so relieved to have had something to watch that wasn't chock full of ridiculous CSI melodrama, and didn't take itself too seriously. THE RELIEF. was palpable. Just a good sit-down, laidback murder mystery series. With two adorable leads. Ahhhhhhhhhhh. Like a breath of fresh air. Like cold water after walking up a flight of stairs. Like, well, like stuff that is nice, refreshing and wholesome.

I was going to watch Fringe, but then I asked myself - What happens when you watch stuff like Fringe? You get sucked into it. You start thinking about (spoiler) alternate dimensions and (spoiler) time-rifts and (spoiler) cows. And then what? And then you get depressed and obsessed with the possibility of alternate dimensions and how one is brought into existence every time we are faced with choices - the choices we don't take create alternate realities to be played out in....you see what happens? Nerdout happens. Existential angst happens.

I don't need all that, man. What I need is a pet hedgehog. But if I can't have that, watching Castle is just as nice and heartwarming. Also, has lots of redheads, which I have a soft spot for.

So Mr Fillion, thanks for being so awesome, and could you please hurry up with the third season?

Thanks.
Yours Truly,
Sam.

I dare you to say this ain't cute (remember, everytime you say it, something cute dies).

The Mysterious Case of the Disappearing Nymph

The other day Greg and I stumbled upon the God of Bisexuality.

Greg and I: Whatup

God of Bisexuality: Greetings, my children!

Greg and I: Wha...???

(Question: Why do gods insist on calling everyone their children? You did not give birth to me!)

Nah, not really. This is his real story:

Hermaphroditus

The son of Hermes (like the scarf) and Aphrodite (she got around eh), Hermaphroditus was the god of bisexuality. He was minding his own business and bathing in a pool, when some psycho nymph who had been stalking him leapt into the pool and merged with him. And by merged, I do not mean have sex. I mean she physically melded into him, so that they became 'two bodies, one form'. Apparently her stalker-like devotion appealed to the generally insane greek gods (what did I tell you about holy STD?), and when she asked to 'never be parted' from him, they agreed.
This is how I see it going down:

Nymph: OOO holy gods and goddesses I hereby sacrifice this here poor virgin goat in your name please let me get sucked into Hermaphroditus and stick to him forever, like a useless excess bit but with sexual organs, much like the male anglerfish to the female! OOOO I beg thee holy gods and goddesses!!!!

*Kills goat*

Aphrodite: Yes, my child.

Nymph: Oh Holy Aphrodite! Allow me to bodymeld with your child and completely lose all sentience so that my vagina can be with him forever!

Aphrodite: My child?

Nymph: The one you had with Hermes.

Aphrodite: I had a child with...Oh. Hahaha. Well, who keeps track of these things? Heeheehee. Sure, do what you like, my dear. But give me a heads up if he's cute! Huhuhuhu.

Nymph: Thank you O Great Goddess!

A lot of people think having gods as parents would be cool, but it's actually not. As you can see from this unfortunate scenario:

Hermaphroditus, bathing harmlessly in a pool, thinking of all the dates he has lined up. Suddenly some random nymph jumps in and starts squirming against him.

Nymph: Oh, H, We will be together forever! Heeheehee.
H: Eh. Hey. Oi, wot chu think you're doing eh? I'm a bloody God, see. And you laugh like me mum. Get the Hades away from me.

She starts being absorbed into him.

H: Heyyy. Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Wot's this? What...ARGH. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Yeah. You know what happens next.
Heeheehee.

Yeah, well. We always kind of knew that, even if you didn't, Barbie.

Dancing Slippers

Me: Hello everyone.

Everyone (in cheerful voices): Hello...Samantha.

Me: I-I'm here because I...have a confession to make.

Everyone (sympathetic gasps): OooooOh.

Me: I-I'm an...ADDICT!

Everyone (understanding gasps): AaaaaAh.

Me: I AM ADDICTED TO INTERNET SHOPPING!

Everyone (interested sounds): HemmmM.

Me: I AM ADDICTED TO BROWSING ONLINE BOUTIQUES! Everything looks so adorable! You won't find such dresses on hangers in clothestores! Not the cute vintage ones that I like! Nor the flowery tops or printed skirts! None! ONLY ON THE INTERNET!

Everyone (slightly shocked): WhoooaaAh.

Me: And the shoes! DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHOES! And the bikinis!! I CAN'T GET OVER THE FACT THAT I MISSED THE LAST VS BIKINI AT A COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS PRICE BECAUSE OF - ARGHHHHHH! (keels over in frustration and hyperventilation)

Everyone: Erm.

Random person (prods me with a stick): Oi.

Me (in between deep breaths): If anything happens to me, here are the blogshops YOU MUST GO TO!!!!!!!:

http://arrogantminnie.blogspot.com/
http://whitesoot.blogspot.com/
http://blissfully-beautiful.blogspot.com/
http://www.peepboutique.com/
http://diaryofane-shopaholic.blogspot.com/
http://clothesbucket.blogspot.com/
http://shopaholicsu.blogspot.com/

ps. I did actually start writing about Castle and Nathan Fillion and other awesome things, but I saw a pair of red shoes at arrogantminnie and aarrghhhhhh.

The Castle Walls

When I was younger, I mean younger than I am now because I know I'm not that bloody old, I used to fall in love with characters in books. No kidding. That's how isolated I was. Sherlock Holmes, Walter Blythe, Adam Dalgliesh, Rupert of Hentzau. I knew in my heart one day there would be someone like that out there for me - wickedly intelligent, dreamy, poetic, strong, maybe slightly mad. Someone with whom I could discuss Hardy, or crazy theories of evolution, or our favourite X-Men while cuddling on the couch. Someone who would be so amazed by me, and me by him. Who makes me strong, and whom I can believe in. An equal.

I have yet to meet this equal, of course. Probably because he doesn't exist. I have yet to date a man who doesn't put physical beauty first, either. And I have yet to come out of a relationship like that without feeling degraded and second rate. They court me because I am pretty, but when we are finally together, there is always someone prettier, someone better or smarter. Always someone to be compared with. Maybe I am unlucky, or maybe all men are like that.

So I spend my relationship afraid that I will never be good enough. Afraid that they're just here because they're waiting for someone else. I ask my friends, Am I right to be afraid? Are these insecurities founded? Am I being too much like Angelina Jolie? I ask so many questions, hoping in some way that my friends can fix my problem. And they say the things friends say, Don’t be silly. You’re being ridiculous. Anyone would be lucky to have you. Really? I haven’t met this person yet. Or maybe I did, but I felt he wasn’t good enough for me.

And I hate feeling this way. I hate being the kind of girl who doesn't feel good enough, or pretty enough or smart enough. The one who's always wondering if he's off somewhere else with someone else, or holding me and wishing I was someone else. Every little thing bothers me, stays with me, and in my mind I pick at it like a scab, never letting it heal. It's pathetic, and I know I am so much better than that. And it is so frustrating because there’s this huge dissonance between what you think of yourself and what you think your partner thinks of you. And it’s disgusting, because as shallow as I like to pretend I am, I have never put physical beauty as number one, or two, or even seven on my list of criteria. And here I am trying to cater to someone else’s sense of ideal. Hypocrite.

When I was single, I was never like this. I never had to wonder if I was 'enough' for anyone, I felt happy, and satisfied. I was enough for me. I felt like every little thing I did was a small achievement for myself. Now I feel like I'm holding up a candle to a roaring fire. Occasionally, I feel like a fool.

But the point is, I guess (not sure I have a point), is not the relationships, but my own insecurities. I have to fix them, or I will never be happy; as long as I have them everything becomes magnified, everything becomes a portent of doom. And now that I know what it’s like to be in love, everything hurts even more.

Actually, I didn’t mean to be so emo. It’s Trinna’s fault, she linked me to some chick’s blog. I honestly just wanted to write a review on Castle Seasons 1 and 2.

Avatar: (Hopefully) The Last M. Night Movie. Ever.

Short Review (in Vit's words): Like Eclipse all over again. Except with benders instead of vampires.

Long Review:

NO SPOILER ALERT (If you insist on watching this movie after what I reveal to you, you deserve to have it spoiled)

Scene 1

Two kids, completely unrecognisable as Sokka and Katara, are looking for food. They stumble upon some bald kid and a giant horned beaver with too many legs.
They take him back to their village.
At first we think they are at the wrong village, because everyone else there looks eskimo (eskima? eskimite? inuit?). But people don't seem to be trying to cast the white devils out with fire. I suppose their "uniqueness" is the reason why Katara is the ONLY WATERBENDER IN THE WHOLE CLAN, and why they stumbled upon Aang.
White people, you know. They're lucky. And not just with the native girls.

There are several expository conversations throughout, but you won't care because the only reason they're talking is to justify their paycheck. You can still understand the story if you watched this movie on mute.

Scene 2

Bad guys (with the only actor who can act) show up. Take Aang away. Sokka and Katara go after them and save Aang with the help of the flying furry centipede.
They then end up at an Earthbender village where the people are being kept prisoner. How are they being kept prisoner? Like that lor. They are wandering around in their own village, being poked about a bit by the guards. Still, they're on dry land, innit?
EARTHbenders. On dry LAND. ALL IN ONE PLACE. And they never thought, Hey. Wtf man. I'm a gonna turn all you Firebending idiots into balls of dirt until you suffocate, die and leave my people alone forever.
It takes some bald 12 year old to tell them - 'Your power is beneath you! You don't have to be treated like this!' thus proving everyone in BendingLand are idiots and deserve to be conquered.

Scene 3
I don't remember or care much about what happened at this point. But the graphics were pretty cool.

Scene 4

They go to the Northern Water Tribe, a stronghold that has never been attacked by the Fire Nation because of the strength of their people. But because Aang is there, the Fire Nation attacks. They attack using ships.
The water people panic. They are afraid they cannot defeat the fire people, and their princess and kingdom will be slaughtered. Fortunately a dragon appears to Aang in a vision and tells him to use the power of the ocean...
.
.
.
no. shite. sherlock. I would never have thought of that. It's not like the NWT IS SURROUNDED BY OCEAN. AND THAT THE CITY IS FULL OF WATERBENDERS.

Scene 5
The princess dies in a long-drawn out scene where the guy playing General Iroh is wondering why the hell he's in this movie exchanging lines with a bunch of cardboard cutouts, but nobody cares because they're all too busy bowing to Aang, who has finally accepted his fate as the familyless, all-powerful Avatar.

I'd like to say I don't care, but I cared enough to write this review.
I care about you to help you make the right choice in life.

We Are All Murderers In Our Own Way

I had a dream last night. I was living in a town with swamps and marshes. The kind people like to go hunting in? You know that type. Everyone's clumping around in shin-high boots and checkered shirts and rolled-up cargos. Waiting to shoot some duck or buck or hornball next-door neighbour.

I worked at a place that had lots of animals. Like a vet's clinic, but not really. The animals were all big and healthy, vibrantly coloured, behind metal bars. One or two dogs in gold and red fur skulked around the busy floors, twining between legs and each other.

There was a problem with one of the animals, and I had to go and get the cure. So I went out with a knife in my hand, to the marshes. The reeds were tall and bright green at the tops. There was a commotion, and then I was grappling with a massive bird. I flipped it over and saw it was a swan, a huge grey-feathered creature. You must understand, in my dream the bird was magnificient. It was almost the same size as I was, and the feathers ranged from black at the edges of the wings, to dark speckled greys and browns throughout its powerful body.

The whole time, my only thought was to break its neck, because the neck was the cure, it seemed. I knelt on its back, and I could feel how strong it was, how alive. It struggled, and I felt sorry for slaying such a fantastic beast in the mud of some lousy pond. It was just me, and this swan; and for a moment I felt the enormity of taking this one animal life.
And then I sawed off its neck with my jagged-edged knife, and left the body in the brackish water.

I woke up, and I could still feel how alive the swan was before I killed it.

Sucker Punch

Writing the previous post made me feel kind of like a pretentious prat.
So to make it up to myself, I'm posting this awesome saucesome vid:

Dragons and hot chicks in leather.
Please explain to me how this is not a p0rn on SyFy.