It's funny how something I am bad at can make me feel better.
It has taken me months to learn 4 chords, about half of the chords of the song Hallelujah.
Little by little, I can hear the shape of the song forming through my fingers. I feel the satisfaction of creation, just as I had with baking.
I am making something beautiful (although, this time, unedible).
I hold the guitar as if it were a tool, wrestle with it as if it were my enemy. Yet every sound it makes, whether choked through my hands or teased out gently, is pleasant. I feel as if I am under the most comfortable spell.
When a chord I play is wrong, I don't feel the same frustration as with other things, other situations. There is no feeling of inevitable failure, of overwhelming disappointment.
I expect nothing from the guitar. In return, it expects nothing from me.
I feel as if my days would not be wasted if I spent them playing the guitar badly.
If I ever grow up, I want to be Jack Johnson.
Which would ensure that I never grow up.
