Like Fire Melting Snow

This post has no purpose except to fill a hole in me otherwise boring life. Yes, I should be asleep. But I can't sleep.

I have packed, so I can't finish my anime marathon.

I haven't picked up my GG fix from Trin, so I have nothing to watch.

I am just left here, with you, my dear old blog.

I don't even have anything smart to say.

So I'll tell a story about my room mate.

(Kira gossip lah ni).

The other day she went out with this guy.

He has a girlfriend.

She used to like him.

I think that he really likes her.

But he's a guy. And therefore he thinks he can have his cake and eat it too.

Sialan.

Anyway, my roommate went out because she figured just because they didn't work out doesn't mean they can't be friends.

The guy, of course, totally misconstrued it.

They were having a perfectly normal conversation until it started raining, and I suppose he got into a confessional, romantic and basically idiotic mood and he asked her why she still went out with him even though he has a girlfriend.

My roomie was like what the hell??..

Now, my roomie is not someone you want to mess with when it comes to a war of words. Especially if you're a guy (you can esee us egging each other on in our guy-deologies).

So she said, Hey, dude, I'm going out with you because I think of you as a friend. You don't mean anything more to me than that. What makes you think I am that type of girl?

Maybe I did like you once, but after what you did, I cannot ever see you in the same light or let you into my heart ever again (rough translation here). So please don't get the wrong impression...

...And then she delivered the words that will become legend for me...

...sebab kalau kau ade pun same je macam kau takde.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

That girl is my hero.

This is what the guy must have felt like.

Lagu-Lagu Soundtrack Hidupku

Sebelum adanya Gossip Girl dan Nate Archibald, adanya Buffy the Vampire Slayer dan Angel. Dan Spike. Dan Faith. Dan Oz.

Sebenarnya aku kira mahu update blog.

Tetapi duduk sahaja di sini aku sedar..

aku tidak ada apa-apa untuk di-update-kan.

Ya, aku masih single.

Aku masih ada dua kaki, dua tangan, empat mata.

Aku masih tidak merokok, tidak minum arak, tidak keluar lewat malam, tidak tidur sepanjang hari, tidak mengamalkan pemakanan yang sihat, dan tidak pandai menipu.

Haih.

Mahu update apa macam nih.

Crash and Burn Girl

Does anyone remember Life As A House?
Neither do I.

Anyway, I was watching Jumper and started thinking about Hayden Christensen.
Which isn't hard because the movie is basically all about Hayden Christensen. And his trenchcoat.

(I was also watching Definitely, Maybe and About A Boy (again), but, hello, Ryan Reynolds vs Hugh Grant vs Hayden Christensen?).

But it wasn't just Hayden I was really thinking about. It was his female co-stars.
(Although Rachel Weitz in both the abovementioned movies is far superior to Rachel Bilson.We're talking like galaxy-size superiority here).
Was it just me and my ingrained jealousy against anyone who wasn't me who gets to paw at Hayden, or is Bilson's head a little too big for her body?
I mean, honestly. Look closely. She's like one of those Bobble-heads people keep on the dash.
In the makeout scenes I found myself wondering if he tounged her too hard, maybe her head would fall off her neck.

Sadly, this did not occur.

She survived, and is now currently dating him.

Argh.

Let's not dwell on horrid stuff.



There's actually only one of Hayden's costars that I was thinking deeply about.

Natalie Portman.

This is because I believe she isn't human.
Not totally human anyway.
I believe that she is, in fact, half fairy.
Seriously.
Look at her nose. She has a perfect nose.
Look at her eyes. They're both wild and intelligent. Not to mention perfectly shaped.
And her cheekbones, and her chin and her lips. All perfect. Even the little beauty mark on her right cheek.
If you look at her photos (as I have been doing for the past half hour), she has the face of an angel, and the face of a wild thing.
Okay, she's a bit short.
But what do you expect from a fairy person?
They're called Little People for a reason.
And no matter what scene she is in SHE ALWAYS LOOKS PERFECTLY CLEAN.
Like a living doll. Like dirt, muck, grime and makeup just slide off her skin.
She has perfect skin.
Or if my theory is correct, she has the perfect illusion of perfect skin.

Which human being always looks perfect? Even Scarlett Johanssen looked slightly bedraggled in The Other Boleyn Girl, but Natalie just looked serene, and calm and perfect.

Even when her head was about to be chopped off.

I don't mean that she is aesthetically perfect (although to me, she is), but her features and her physicality as it is has always got a sense of untouchability. Like she is beyond this human crap.

Anyway, she was Amidala.

She pwns all other chicks.

This is a Bobble Head

Zatanna Zatara

This is the new, improved, yet-to-be tortured, mutilated or murdered Agatha Harkness

Today, having nothing much to do (okay, okay, nothing AT ALL to do), I started thinking about my future.

Okay, that's also a lie. What I did was watch 8 episodes of Witch Hunter Robin before checking comic book updates at comicvine.com, which lasted several hours as I was sidetracked by the Women in Refrigerators theory (I just realised I don't know how to spell refrigerator. Argh. The Irony. Of studying for three years and misspelling a kitchen appliance).

Women in Referigerators is a theory wherefore female comic book characters are killed, raped, maimed, mutilated, depowered, prostituted, paralysed, tortured and/or generally made to suffer to create sympathy for the storyline/male hero and to make readers take the storyline/villain seriously.

Wow.
That's like some serious psychological shit from a comic book writer.
And then I read the list.
Here is an excerpt of the list:

Ms. Marvel I/Warbird/Binary (mind-controlled, impregnated by rape, powers and memories stolen, cosmic-powered then depowered, alcoholic - SHEESH!)

Jubilee (tortured for information, crucified/died/resurrected, impaled through the chest on an iron beam, depowered)

Rogue (just plain messed up)

Wolfsbane (locked in werewolf form for awhile, needs major therapy, ate her own father due do mind-control)

Several things crossed my mind as I read the complete list.
1. Ouch (especially to Wolfsbane).

2. Am I supposed to take this seriously?

3. Rogue is not THAT messed up. I mean, come on. She has Gambit, a mother and she can fly (granted, she and Gambit are no longer talking, her mother is Mystique who is constantly trying to kill her and everyone around her, and she got her ability to fly by practically killing Ms. Marvel), but hey. She really doesn't have that much to complain about.

4. They forgot Polaris!

Not only that, what about Skids, what about Karma, what about Danii Moonstar, Risque, Magma, Catiana, Nyx, Sarah Pezzini and pretty much every other heroine ever created?
Like what the hell.
I just realised this list is redundant.
I mean, if beautiful, powerful women are not reduced in some way to show their so-called humanity, nobody would read comic books.
Yeah?
Yeah.

Oh, I thought of one woman who would never be refrigerated.
Emma Frost.
Ha ha ha. Now that's irony.

*

Anyway, after all that, I started thinking about my future. Or at least, what my past-me thought my future-me would be.

The past-me thought my future-me would be studying psychology on my way to becoming a criminal psychologist where I would devote myself to curing those who were tragically sick in the head and leave my compassionate mark on this apathetic world.
Why did my p-m think this?

It is because of Profiler.
It was a TV series like way back when, when we were in primary school.
It was about this lady profiler (yank talk for criminal psychologist) who was always so cool yet tragic and she had these big eyes and she was waay more appealing than Danny Glover (sorry Mr. Glover. But you lose to the blonde chick).
And her name was Samantha Waters.
Serious.
As I remember it lah.
Anyway, the 9-or-10 year old me thought, Christ, this is Fate.
I think this lady is hot and has a mindblowing job AND she shares my name.
Jeng. Jeng. Jeng.
And for the next 9-or-10 years I thought it was my Destiny.

But then the God of, well, God, I guess, kind of pissed all over my dreams and here I am studying graphic arts.

Wow. I just Googled Samantha Waters, and not only is she a criminal psychologist, she is apparently also a high-end silicon valley call girl.
Hmm.
Is the aforesaid God trying to send me a message? Is he saying that if I had made the mistake of Googling Samantha Waters a decade ago, my Destiny would have been different?
....
Like, I seriously doubt that.
Which university gives call-girl classes anyway.

*

Thankfully, that was just one of my Ultimate Dreams.
But still, it was The Most Ultimate of my Ultimate Dreams.

*

I managed to remain vegetarian today!
Although I did consume, like, 25 Jacob's Cream Crackers.
Yum.
I mean it.
That was a serious, uncynical yum.
And you know what's even yummier?
The Hi-Fibre Crackers.
Ha ha ha.

*

Be My Mirror, My Sword, My Shield

This is Prince Charming, cursed to wear the form of a Maine Coon until Nate and Jenny break up

Slavoj Zizek.
Interesting name. Okay, weird name, but that is subjective.
I mean, you don't expect Slovenians to have names like Bob or Gary. That would be disappointing. If you wanted names like that, you would have stayed home and watched Nickelodeon.

Anway, this guy is incredible.
He's a philosopher and cultural critic (Whatever that is. Isn't everyone a cultural critic? Especially us here in the supercultured East).
He talks about the confrontations between ideology and materialism from the aspect of ontology.
Isn't that incredible?

I mean, what the hell is ontology, right?

Incredible Thing 1

Idealism's purported ability to theorize the All VS. Materialism's understanding that an apparent All is really a non-All.

A non-All.

(Personally I find the theory a little extreme, because how can anything be a non-All. There must be a Something in Everything. But I guess it's understandable if the apparent All that we are theorising is actually non-existant, because every person's All is different and therefore to objectively state a definite, tangible All is impossible. Right?
But I still think that in each person's All is a little bit of someone else's All.

*

*

*
So the only way to complete each other is to have all humans join together in a massive global hive-mind).

Incredible Thing 2

Truth, or The Real : Is the gap between knowing something materially and experiancing something in the course of our life.
The gap is the minimal difference. The Parallax View.
It's the difference betweeen knowing, eventually, that we are all going to die, and yet living as if we will never die.

That just means that everything, all the meaning in our life, everything that is real to us, it's in that gap. We're ontological freaks defined by our gaps.
We're defined by the holes in our lives that we don't even understand.

That's so unfair.

So I refuse to accept it.

How can we accept the real as something we can't see, don't know and can never understand?
(Uh oh. That sounds like the argument people use for atheism).
But why should this Parallax View, that no one can see, be the definition of us as conscious human beings?
We should be defined by the things we do, and the way we think.

Therefore.

Ignore Incredible Thing 3.

Incredible Thing 3

We can see a person as either an ethical human being of free will or a determined biological creature. But not both.

I agree that our deepest motives are subconscious.
But does that mean that it is the base motives of a biological creature or the primary motivators for an ethical being?
Are we primarily animalistic, or primarily thoughtful?

And this is assuming that all human beings are capable of ethics.
What if that person has no grasp of ethics, and cannot understand the concept nor the purpose of it?
Does that make him purely an animal? Or does it completely strip him of his right to be called a human being?
Oh. Wait. That was redundant, because both questions ask the same thing.

But anyway.

I think everyone should just screw all this, live life to the fullest and listen to Lenka's The Show.

Wide Open Spaces

This is exactly what it says it is

Today I went on a roadtrip with Trin.

Our destination was AIMST. It's in Sg. Petani. Which is in Kedah.
(For those of you who don't know).
Don't ask me what AIMST stands for.

Trin was going to surprise Jeremy and I was going to see Pris.

Anyway, I woke up deciding that I would be vegetarian today. It was actually something I decided yesterday, but there was no way I could resist the Mamu burger. Then I felt guilty.

So when we went to the bakery to pick up Jeremy's surprise birthday cake for his birthday surprise, of course the first thing I bought was a chicken mushroom pie for breakfast. Gasp.
Yes.
Chicken.

I'm sorry, God of Weight Guilt! I forgot! I know that it is an unacceptable excuse, but when has that ever stopped anyone from using it.

So we got to AIMST in under an hour. Serious. We didn't even get lost, or stopped at the gate. Must have been the utter conviction in our wave. And the fact that we were chicks.
Unfortunately, we did get chased from our parking spots and then ended up in the parking lot for the guys' hostel. Where Trin reversed into a divider while talking on the phone.
The excitement never stops.

Jeremy surprised and Pris met up, Trin and I had to go on a Quest for Food. Which turned into a Quest for a Cheap Mechanic when we found out the divider had whacked the exhaust pipe and turned it senget, penyek and out-of-shape causing it to Gregorian Chant everytime we moved.

Serious.
It threatened us with spontaneous combustion.
It was the Devil's voice, backwards.

With the help of Trin's friend's friend, Teoh, we found a mechanic who did the job in under an hour. This was incredible stuff because he replaced the whole exhaust pipe.
Why did he replace the whole exhaust pipe?
That was because not only was it senget, penyek and out-of-shape, it had also been kemek-ed. By at least half a foot.
See.
Never underestimate the strength of a divider.
Or Trin's reversing.

Then we went and ate (FINALLY), and Teoh showed us this incredible iceblended stuff.
You think you've seen everything yeah.
You haven't seen Peanut Iceblended.
That was mindblowing shit.

Then, having nothing to do (what a surprise, in Sg Petani), we went back to AIMST. And then fell asleep in the car in the aforementioned parking lot. Wherefore after an hour Jeremy came and then told us a) what the hell are we doing? b) we're not supposed to sleep there c) we're not even supposed to park there d) from now on I was his cousin and Trin was my cousin.
How exactly that made it more acceptable that people related to him were parked in a restricted area escaped me.
But it was pretty funny.

After that we had dinner with Pris. It was nice seeing Pris. At the rate we kept cancelling out on each other and not going back at the same time, I figured we'd only see each other after we retired.
But Fate and Trinna intervened.
Thank you, Fate and Trinna.

I will be seeing the both of you on Thursday, when I drop by to pick up my fix of GG.
Long live Chuck Bass.

It Comes Out Of A Tree

The Sap Demon and his deadly familiar

I have turned into a sap.
I realised this while watching Casino Royale.
I had nothing to do at all today, so I watched Juno, Jumper and Casino Royale. I actually wanted to do a lot of things. But obviously I didn't.

I cried watching Juno. The last time I cried watching a movie was, like, Titanic kot. Sure, I have noticed a recent increase in sappiness (I almost cried watching Wall-E and The Other Boleyn Girl), but this is ridiculous. I mean, who watches Bond for the touching romantic scenes? That just confirms me as a Sap.

But when he tells Vesper that he has no armour, because she's stripped it from him and that whatever is left of him, is hers, siape tak cair. He says it with such honesty. Such sincerity. Such tenderness.
*swoon*
Too bad Danny Boy is not hot though. But Eva compensates.

I Want Something Unignorable!

I am in a good mood.

La.La. La.

See. That is the extent of my good mood.
I'm singing online.

*

Hey.
What if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me?

Don't you wish you had chained me to the bed like I told you to.

*

I have a friend.
Yay for me.
Anyway.
She's in a dilemma.
I feel bad for her.
It involves a guy.
Who wants to take her out to lunch. And dinner. And brunch. And study together.
Basically, wants to spend every waking moment with her.

Obviously someone was not listening to my prior advice involving Eliza Dushku and Anne Hathaway.

*

Oh yeah. Joseph Biden is now Vice President of the United States of America.
Maybe now they'll start to have some intelligent foreign policies.

I like Joe because he remind me of my granduncle.
Serious.
I'm not sure why.
Does Biden have a very dry sense of humour masquerading as elderly innocence?
Maybe he does.

*

Hey, Tell Me Something I Don't Already Know

This is what a winner looks like

I have been inspired by Barack Obama and his groundbreaking, nationmoving, mythbusting win.

I also want to write a speech.

Here is my speech.

This is not a funny speech. This speech is from me, to you, to everyone.
To the people who think that planning the first move and plotting against other people is a joy in life and a reason for existence.
To the people who think that bringing down someone else, no matter what the cost, is worth it.
To people who can’t see past their own weaknesses and their own insecurities, and punish others for them instead.
To people who walk around with a chip on your shoulders and blame everything bad that ever happened to you on everyone else.
To people who believe that a post means everything and that people are nothing.
In the end, you lose.
There will be no end to the planning and plotting, there will be no rest, because you don’t give yourself rest. There will be no happiness because you refuse to share anything with anyone, except your pride. There will be no one to welcome your glory, because your own arrogance has pushed the people who once loved and respected you away.
What you are should never stop you from being what you will be. And you don’t have the right to stop anyone from being what they can be, even as you place those limitations on yourself.
If you are weak and unable to do it, do not think no one else is strong enough. If you don’t know and can’t figure it out, do not think that no one else is smart enough.
I’m sorry that in the end, you have no friends. That you have to lie and manipulate to keep the ones you have. That even the past makes you unhappy, when it would be so easy to let go. I am sorry for you because you are no longer living for the now, but you are living for the what-has-already happened.
I am sorry that you are unable to love and respect and listen, that you cannot see people as people but only as things and pawns and steps in your funny little games.
I am sorry that your life is no life at all, but a game that you are constantly trying to win.
People. Chill.
In the end, when other people are laughing and loving and living around you, will you watch silently, will you paste on a fake smile and try to join in, try to convince them that you, too are happy?
I know you aren’t.
How can you be.
You have your games.
I have people who love and care about me. I have people that I love and care about.
And nothing you say or do can change that fact.
And now, I realize that there is no need anymore to try and stay one step ahead of people like you. Because my floor is not the floor of lies and manipulations. My floor has and always will be, honesty. And that is what I will stick to.
You’ve lost.

Just like McCain.

My Thoughts Are Filled With Wine, But They Only Had Beer In The Fridge

Yesterday, while translating my erstwhile notes, I discovered this word:

Phut.

It means menghentam dengan bunyi; (colloq) sia-sia.
Serious.

If you do not believe me, check Kamus Dwibahasa Oxford Fajar (Edisi Ketiga, Dikemaskinikan).

*

Wouldn't it be nice if you suddenly decide to call or message someone, and they replied

What a coincidence! I was just writing a poem about you.

(I mean a nice poem. Not a bitter one)

Wouldn't that make your day?
I think it would make my eternity.
So long as it was a well written poem.
Duh.

Just a thought.

*

I was reading about Hamlet the other day.

Before I am accused of Shakespearean aspirations, it was by accident.

I was listening to this song by A Fine Frenzy called Almost Lover, and she had gotten her name from a verse in Midsummer Night's Dream, which I went to check out and you know how wikipedia has all those related links at the bottom? yeah, so I was reminded of Hamlet because of Ophelia because I had watched an episode of Ergo Proxy where Mayer was in an identical pose as the Ophelia in Millais' painting.

So.

That was how I ended up reading about Hamlet.
Not reading IT.
Just about it.

Anyway Hamlet drives his Ophelia to insanity.

Isn't that nice?

Men.

Typical.

*

Hamlet to Ophelia

I will burn every house down until I find you in its ashes
The flames of love, the flames of longing
Streaking through a night sky that falls and crashes
The sun, the meteors, the stars, all falling
And falling
Helpless.

I will spare nothing in this search for you
Mother father brother lover will I betray
An act of love I lay down at your feet
You are not the only one who must fear me.

I will grasp at the failing light that shines at the edge of time
At the end of this perfect world
Where I will kiss good night the freakish rhyme
In which your nightmares ebb and swirl.

Do you crave for me now; do you blame me?
I have only wanted your sorrow
And when your last tears are mine
that’s when I will end.

*

I have just finished the most horrible exam.

Yes.

All exams are horrible.

But this is The Most Horrible.

Why?

Because it is.

*

Haiku

of

The Bell Curve

Such a sweet lady

Upon whom all our fates hang

The mean is master

And errant chimes are obliterated

If you do not know what a bell curve is, I know you didn't go to public school.

*

The Self-Pitier (Or, Baudelaire's Spoof)

When the scent of you has become dust
The scent, once intertwined, once yours and mine
And someone else has replaced the lust
And someone else has replaced the trust
Long before that
I have been forgotten

And so I want to ask you, why
When the love was warm, when the love was good
Couldn’t you have at least tried
All of the times I was by your side
The moment I was away
I was forgotten

When the thought of you has fallen
Into the abyss, into nothing, when you are lost to me
Your memories will be eaten by the cold
And all that’s left of you in me is cold,
When I look into his face
I will remember
How easy it is to forget me.

This is Chuck Bass